dinohouse | [Mushverse: Greeed-party!]

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[Mushverse: Greeed-party!]

[Main thread probable post order: Kazari-Ankh-Gamel-Mezool-Uva repeat? For the main thread, anyway, but if any two or three Greeed want to have separate conversations, feel free to make side threads.]

I've got to get Gamel and Mezool back together, mostly because I'm not about to share my parents with Gamel, and also because Gamel really just wants Mezool back. And maybe this time around she can actually give a shit about him instead of just pretending to.

Also I told Ankh that I'd keep him informed and that maybe we should all get together sometime and make sure all the backstabbing and hating each other is in the past. Or at least something we're better able to control.

Something I'm better able to control.

Also that was before Gamel came back, and so now we should probably all get together and talk about what the hell we're going to do if Maki comes back, too.

It takes some figuring out but in the end I send them all text messages telling them to come to the school, which is not in session today, so we can hang out in the courtyard and probably not be bothered.

I asked Megumi to help me make some food, because I think everyone would be in an awful mood if there wasn't any food. I guess it's like a picnic or something.

Ice cream for Ankh, he likes that, right? And no sushi, much to my unending disappointment. Don't want to put Mezool off. No chicken either, so it's mostly rice, vegetables, and sweets, that kind of stuff. I'll survive. I guess.

I bring Yummy too. He is the best cat in the entire world.

Now it's just a matter of waiting to see if they all show up. And whether my first instinct is to betray every single one of them. Again.

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My hand feels warm, enclosed in Kazari's. I clutch at him, nearly desperately, betraying the emotional stoicism I'd already so (un)successfully kept. I worry if this is too good to be true. I've been burned.

"We get it," I parrot. "The name is good for a pet." I remember mine--not ashamedly. My Yummies used people, like their own desires did. I still don't think it's my fault, but my interference did not help. However, human nature is (my nature?) human nature, after all. And Greeeds will be Greeeds. The Yummies were pets to me and their 'parents' as well.

The bad feelings let up and I allow myself to smile again.

This is so weird, but it's really cool too. I could get used to this. I like him, a lot. I always did, and not just because he listened to me. Because he was catty and grumpy and small. He's not so small anymore.

"He doesn't make Medals... But I'm teaching him to fetch me things. Like, he can bring me my chopsticks already, but only one at a time."

He smiles and I smile back at him.

"You... um, you grew up." It's not a question. He wouldn't have the answer anyway, would he? None of us have any answers, about why we're back or how long we'll be like this. Ankh, other Ankh, big Ankh I guess, he's probably still freaking out about that.

"Fetching's for dogs," I comment, making a face, "but I guess his mouth isn't big enough for both." My fingers lace with his, holding tight.

I'm apprehensive--I don't think there's going to be a lot that will make me less apprehensive but time. However, I feel like... now I can last that feeling out.

I can figure it out. I wasn't ready then--wasn't okay enough years ago, when I woke up. Now? I might be. Maybe I have a chance at... something. I still can't name it.

"Growing happens now, you know." I smirk a little, teasing. Kazari makes me smile, with his wonder. I should be surprised too--they all look (relatively) the same as they used to. "So much is different," my second comment is more somber.

"You have a point." I'm not about to let go of his hand.

The cat in question comes over and I crouch down enough to let him climb up my sleeve and sit on my shoulder.

"Look, Yummy. This is Ankh." Now that Yummy's noticed me, I wonder if the others are going to come over soon. If they're even going to care.

I think Ankh might care. But... I don't care what he thinks, he can judge this Ankh only after he figures out what the hell he's doing with Eiji. He started the betrayal, I always remind myself of that when I start to feel like maybe everything was my fault. Ankh started it.

I bite my lip at his statement. He's right, of course, I figured that out with my hair. That's why I changed it. But this... This is a lot of years. He can't have...

"You've... you've been back a long time, then?" Damn. "It's... really different, but I think I like it. You know?"

I smile, tentatively reaching out to pet Yummy with careful, easy fingers. "Cats... do what they want, and sometimes, if you're lucky, or they like you, it's what you want, too. Right?" Try as I might, I can't help but be fascinated. I wasn't lying when I said I missed him. I missed--them, I missed... even being near.

Honestly, as long as I'm even peripheral--it eases the confusion, and bolsters my spirit. I don't pity myself--I never did. I can't help who I am.

I can't help who the others are, as well. But... so long as I'm even allowed this much? It's been worth it. I still... want for my other half, or maybe it's more than half to me, or less than that.

But--my impulse is no longer one to consume and meld. I feel self-indulgent, presumptuous, and uncaring about this feeling, but honestly? I deserved two lives. I only want ... to know this other me, and to be near 'me' in some ways.

But my own personality tells me that's not... likely.

"Mm." I nod, to both questions. "There's so much to learn."

This is--augh. Weird?

But I don't exactly mind it.

My first instinct is to jerk my hand away but... not doing that right now is okay.

So I let my hand run through his hair.

"Good. I guess."

Yummy likes him, licking at his fingers. So I think that means everything is good. For us, anyway. And we're the ones who really matter, right? I was alone, and I guess he's alone too. But I have a family, and I think he must have a family too. And if he needs a family who at least pretends to understand, he can totally come over and borrow mine sometimes. My parents are awesome that way.

"That's how we work." I agree with a little nod. Doing what I want, that's how it's always been.

"Yeah." I agree with that too. I'm still learning stuff. Not just human stuff. Zodiarts Horoscopes stuff too. And just... Just, stuff. "There's a lot of stuff going on. But I think... we're on the right side now."

His sandpaper tongue tickles my fingertips, and I grin a little. My family is... distant, and that's just fine for me. I need space, to preen and to grow. But hanging out with Kazari's doesn't sound like a terrible idea too.

After all, he seems pretty okay now. I like that.

"We... didn't get a great start, last time." I shrug, then. I've figured that much out, at least. We were never meant to win. Maybe--this is our reward for not feeding off the human race. Or something. Or maybe, we're just lucky.

"Now, we're more able."

I keep butting my head up against his hand, because come on now. How can I ignore attention like that? I'm only human (with basic cat-type instincts).

"So what do you think?" I ask finally, squinting at the other Greeed. "About everything?"

"Or the first time," I agree, but then I'm not sure if he remembers that. This whole two-Ankh situation only happened because the first Ankh was such a greedy (hah, oh man, okay, that's why crab cakes loves puns) jerk. He split himself in two, by accident, and his consciousness split to compensate. I can buy that, I mean, it's not like the alchemists really had any fucking idea what they were doing, giving us three heads apiece. It could have happened to me, I realize. One of my other Cores could have gained sentience, if separated from me long enough. Right?

I guess. Who knows? We'll never know for sure, because all the Cores are gone now. And probably most of the Cells too, at this point.

"I like to think we're lucky. Like. Getting another chance to do this the right way. That's what my parents think too."

Ankh here, Uva here, and...MEZUL HERE.

Mezul so pretty. Mezul always so pretty.

"Mezul!" Go to Mezul, smile at Mezul. "I give you candy."

Give candy to Mezul. Pretty blue candy.

...Gamel. I stare at him in blank surprise because I had no idea at all that he was back. Relief at seeing him again - perfectly well, although that shouldn't be surprising - mingles with guilt at the way I treated him the last time I saw him.

I take the sweets off him and pat his arm the way I used to. "Thank you, Gamel." Instead of throwing them away, however, I slip them into my pocket instead.

My other self may have changed--but I still feel like we're two halves of the same (heh) medal. Or duplicates. The science of what we were--I was closer to 'my' original form, I think. Before things went twisted-wrong and broken. My medals were dormant for years, but given long enough without me, my desire for completion allowed me to hatch, so to speak.

I nod to his words and draw my hands away, stepping a little back. "Can I tell you a secret, though?" I ask, almost embarrassed. This truth is one hard to tell--made harder because it feels like the assumption is, this time, our forms are not flawed. Still, it's been bubbled up inside me for as long as I can remember, since the moment I woke up and discovered that small, sad fact. I watch Kazari's face, then look to Yummy, trying to be impassive, but waiting for his answer.

I bite my lip, look down, then back up. I hate feeling vulnerable like this. I hate giving into that. But--I have to tell someone, and at this moment, Kazari is... the only one I can trust.

The poor little guy. How long before I woke up was he kicking around, lost and confused and wondering? I had a hard enough time, trying to figure it out, and I had a good family who supported me instead of just being there. I woke up alone, Ankh woke up alone, I think we all woke up alone, but how much more alone must he have been, considering the way he... ended.

I kind of hate Eiji for a second. It wasn't fair, really, it wasn't. The other Ankh got treated special by OOO, just in the same damn way. This one didn't even get a chance.

I look down at him, meet his eyes and hold his gaze for a moment before I nod. "You can tell me anything." I have secrets too. And I might share them with him.

I'm not going to let anything happen to any of us. This is my way making up for all my past transgressions. I'll protect my new family and my old one. And that means both Ankhs, damn it.

I watch Gamel and Mezool's exchange with vague interest. Even now, there seems to be some small difference, and maybe that's hope I'm feeling. After all, our old alliances meant I was pretty close to the both of them...

But I turn my attention back to Ankh, answering him with a soft "Heh," under my breath.

"So we are." Abrasive instincts are rising again, but my common sense tells me not to be a complete ass.

So I guess that means I'm petting him. I don't know whether to laugh or be mildly horrified.

I'll settle for continuing, since he seems to like it and it's... no great trouble for me.

I shrug best I can, "Feeling it out." What a bad play on words that was.

"Better than oblivion, for sure." Or being alone. My last memories are painful and tortured--and for what purpose was it all?

"Ass." I grumble at Ankh. Yummy doesn't like him. Smart cat. But, no, damn it, Kazari, you're trying to make sure we don't all do the back-stabby bit again.

"Alive." I agree with his assessment. That's pretty much all any of us can say, right?

What are we supposed to do? What was I even thinking, getting us all together like this?

They still feel like family. Even Ankh, stupid jerk.

Mostly I'm just glad I got Gamel and Mezool back together. Gamel's the only truly decent one out of all of us.

"So here we are."

Uva still smells good, god damn it. Why is that even a thing? And why am I smaller than all of them except Mezool? I don't remember it being like that, damn it.

"Now what?"

I shift a bit closer, and before I know it I'm leaning against him.

Oh well. He still feels good, like he smells good.

I am so screwed. But I guess it's a human thing, so whatever.

"Yeah?" I bite my lip thoughtfully. "Definitely better than oblivion. And, you know, fulfillment is pretty cool."

"I miss my old body." The masquerading as human thing was weird enough. Of course, I really didn't know any better in the first place, so taking that form in particular was fine. Still--I always felt more natural with my Greeed form, my feathers and wings and beak.

Even if it was half-complete, even if I was missing an arm, so to speak, it was still mine and me. I was beautiful, like that.

I turn my face away, looking to the side. This is really embarrassing, almost childish. "And flying." Does it--does it invalidate how happy I am to be here again, if I still miss what I had?

I don't want to be just a grubby human, but if being a grubby human is how I can actually live and feel and exist--I'll take it. If my family is grubby humans too, that's still great. I can still... be with them. Maybe. At the very least I can be with Kazari.

But I can't shake the feeling that it's up there, in the sky, where I belong, even if at that time, I couldn't... feel it.

That's understandable. I missed mine too. That's why I got another one. I cheated, though, didn't I? Not Medals, but Switches. And crabby had told me I was going to be, like, a dog or something. But I just turned back into me, only with a star pattern etched in front.

Oh. Shit, am I crying? It's not like flying was I think I could do, or would understand how to miss it. But, I can understand. I miss the grace that I used to have no matter which form I was in. I can still access it, but it's not the same, mostly because I can't exactly go around in my other form. I'm trying not to be a villain.

I crouch down a bit again, only to hug him again. He's warm. I'm warm. We're alive and real and human.

"I understand." I need to talk to the crab. If I can get him wings... I know I'll do it.

I guess it's no big deal if I lean into him as well. After all, the fool cat might fall if he's not supported correctly. (that is super-not true, considering his natural grace, but I still kind of looked out for all of us then, so I'll look out for us now. Warily, anyhow.)

"Isn't it?" I look a little bemused. "Harder like this, though. We get all kinds of new stuff to deal with, so it's not like it's all sunshine and kittens."

It might be a little kittens, though. Er.

But what I'm meaning is--back then we only had to worry about fighting and completion and back-stabbing and front-stabbing and conflict. Now it's... feelings and weirdness and coping with actual lives. We don't live on the fringes any more.

I find it all really strange. Frustrating in some ways as well--but I clutch to Kazari all the same again. We hug a lot, don't we? The action feels nice; his body is solid against mine, some sort of support in this sea we've been dropped into, unceremoniously. Our bodies are weird, now, parts that work together, I still find it really, really strange.

At least last time I had a few hundred years to wake up. Only three or four now? Human time goes so fast.

"I don't hate it like this, though. I really don't." I smile into his shirt, and hold him tightly. The ache I felt at the beginning--it's beginning to loosen. I feel glad to be back, to be alive like I never was before.

He's definitely bigger now. I think about how I'm going to get older too. That's actually kind of awesome.

"Me either." I confide in him. "I really don't hate it either." I shift a bit so I can stick a hand in his hair and kind of pet his hair the way Megumi does all the time. That's a human thing. And I like a lot of human things.

Maybe this is the way it was supposed to be from the start. They were trying to make life, weren't they? The stupid alchemists trying to play god. They were trying to create some kind of life. I don't think they ever intended us to be human, but...

"You should probably see the others." I'm not sure if it's the best idea, but I want him to have the opportunity to fit in properly. He belongs in the middle with us.

He's leaning against me too!

When I get home, I am going to tell everyone about this.

"Much harder." Ironic that we should be having this conversation when I'm struggling with all these feelings about how badly I want to be around him, and not in a sibling way, but probably in an Ankh and Eiji way. Weird. Totally weird. "There is sunshine. And kittens." I point out. "But there's also... Like, rain. And. Bugs."

I sound like an idiot. I was a lot smarter before everyone else came back. Now I get around Uva and I'm just an idiot.

I nod, quietly. "I know now it might be weird. Especially with... 'me'. But I wanted to be here with the rest."

We never really did anything wrong, did we? We didn't know any better. We didn't know how hurting felt, how anything felt at all but the desire to be complete again. We couldn't understand the humans, and the humans couldn't understand us.

"If they can't handle it, I'll still be okay." If the others choose not to see me as anything but a fluke, or if Ankh rejects me, I will brush it off. So what? Kazari understanding is enough. Him knowing my secret is enough too.

I got along fine without them before, and I could get along fine without them now. I really don't want to, though. But showing that to them feels like weakness. I don't like being weak or powerless.

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[Mushverse: Greeed-party!]

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[AAHH LITTLE BIRD FACE :D :D :D]

[I TRIED REALLY HARD X>]

[I am proudest catmom]

[I will be your Honor Student chickadee]

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[Much better than other Ankh.]

[We could, counter-productively, get you a bumper sticker, "My bird can set your bird on more fire"]

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[I like this idea. Only, I don't have a car. Maybe I'll just stick it on the back of my kaijin form]

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[that works v. well]

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