[Mushverse: Greeed-party!]

[catcameback]

[Main thread probable post order: Kazari-Ankh-Gamel-Mezool-Uva repeat? For the main thread, anyway, but if any two or three Greeed want to have separate conversations, feel free to make side threads.]

I've got to get Gamel and Mezool back together, mostly because I'm not about to share my parents with Gamel, and also because Gamel really just wants Mezool back. And maybe this time around she can actually give a shit about him instead of just pretending to.

Also I told Ankh that I'd keep him informed and that maybe we should all get together sometime and make sure all the backstabbing and hating each other is in the past. Or at least something we're better able to control.

Something I'm better able to control.

Also that was before Gamel came back, and so now we should probably all get together and talk about what the hell we're going to do if Maki comes back, too.

It takes some figuring out but in the end I send them all text messages telling them to come to the school, which is not in session today, so we can hang out in the courtyard and probably not be bothered.

I asked Megumi to help me make some food, because I think everyone would be in an awful mood if there wasn't any food. I guess it's like a picnic or something.

Ice cream for Ankh, he likes that, right? And no sushi, much to my unending disappointment. Don't want to put Mezool off. No chicken either, so it's mostly rice, vegetables, and sweets, that kind of stuff. I'll survive. I guess.

I bring Yummy too. He is the best cat in the entire world.

Now it's just a matter of waiting to see if they all show up. And whether my first instinct is to betray every single one of them. Again.

Comments

[redgreeed]

It is difficult leaving Eiji behind. I haven't been apart from him since I revived. Longer than that probably, since he carried my medal with him after I... after it broke. I guess the last time we were apart was when I was siding with Maki. I shudder when I think about that; not the proudest moment in my existence.

Still having trouble getting my hair to work with me like it used to, but at least it's not a scraggly mess anymore. I have an assortment of clothes back at the restaurant, money in my pocket, and I haven't passed out again. All good things, all progress. Eiji keeps insisting I bring 'tomorrow's underwear' with me wherever I go, but I don't think that's really necessary.

I'm not exactly looking forward to seeing my old 'family', but it'll be better to get it over with now than put it off or be surprised by any of them, like I was Kazari.

I make it to the courtyard early and decide not to resist the pull to climb one of the trees. I settle myself in the branches, taking my new iphone from my pocket. I send a text to Eiji, asking if he needs me to pick up anything while I'm out.

Uva will comment to the main thread too

[insectoooid]

[but this is for anyone who'd like to talk to the stupid cockroach 1 on 1]

One-on-one Gamel thread, go~

[okashioageru]

[if anyone wants, that is XD]

I assume he's tagging along behind Kazali? XD

[okashioageru]

Kazali says today is party, with Mezul! And Ankh and Uva too.

BUT MEZUL

Found candy. Will give to Mezul. Hope she likes it.

Heeeeeee. Mezul.

[mezul]

This is a ridiculous idea, I don't even know why I'm going along with one of Kazari's ideas.

Still, there's always the possibility that he's right and it's true that he hasn't tried stabbing anyone in the back lately, from what I've seen. Maybe this can work. And if not, at least there won't be anyone else around to get caught up in the fallout.

[forgive the confusingness. it's Lost!]

[mislaid]

So here are they, and here am I, and here is me. There's little to say, isn't there, and I feel far away--but a need to be there again. After all, I'm there already, am I not? Or--more, I'm supposed to arrive. Waiting for me is not a bad thing.

I linger by the edges of the courtyard, not approaching. After all, I'm a little older in this incarnation. I've had time to put myself together, from the cast-offs.

I'm always waiting. Will they even recognize me? Will I recognize me? It was such a short experience, last time. I'm only remnants, after all. Part of a whole, even now.

Am I even welcome in this place? Of course. I decided that. If I'm welcome here, then I am as well. (The both of me can be quite imperious at times.)

[he's so cute omg Kazari's like LET ME LOVE YOU]

[catcameback]

So things are, you know, they're going. I mean, Ankh is posturing and Gamel is just happy to have Mezool back, and I am about this close to pouncing on Uva and... asking him what he thinks about my new hair and my cat, because Yummy is really into having friends, so I guess I'm going to have to see more of them, because how can I deny that face?

Except there's someone lurking out at the edge of the courtyard, and the kid is familiar in some weird way that I can't put my finger on. A friend of one of my brothers? No, then he'd just come over and say hi.

I don't think anyone will notice my sneaking off, so I hop to my feet and prowl over nearer to the stranger.

"Hey. Do I know you?"

[hay uva haaaay]

[catcameback]

I inch closer to Uva when he's not looking.

And again.

And closer again.

I really can't be held responsible for the whole 'he smells good' bit I dropped on Ankh and Eiji, because really. He does smell good. And not even really like a bug anymore.

"I changed my hair."

[MAMACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT where's papa dino 8(]

[mislaid]

"You know me," I answer, tucking my lips in a tight smile, polite, but slightly hurt. I've been watching, seeing them come and go in the familiar ways that I was never quite fully a part of.

Still, I'm trying, and that's the important thing. "How could you forget me?" I ask, then, and it's my own private joke to myself. It all came slowly, ebbs and waves to me, over time. Me, me, them, how agonizing it was.

And I was so young. But I, so old.

Kazari brings warm, familiar feelings, though, in a way I never understood before. That proximity, I feel it's routine for us.

[D8 mroawr hiss oh yeah you missed the part where papa stabbed me with his arm.]

[catcameback]

Do I? Again I'm struck with serious familiarity, the voice, the cadence, it's really familiar, but not from anything recent. Not home, not school.

Before.

Well, what came before?

Oh. No fucking way.

It's not really him, it can't be. We all came back looking just the same as we were pretending, but this kid is older.

"Ankh?" I drop my voice into a whisper and lean close to him. I don't want the other Ankh to think I'm talking about him.

[D: THAT'S AWFUL OF PAPA, I'LL SET HIM ON FIRE]

[mislaid]

I kept my memories close. They made that feeling--that incredible sense of void, of incompleteness, of missing--dull and go away. Maybe my focus on my own, new, life was lessened because of that, but can I be blamed? Still--something's swelling into my throat and it's thrilling and it hurts, but it's that heartache that smacks of home.

"Bingo." I can't stop the touches of a smile emerging at the corners of my mouth. The best I can hope for is a grimace, at least--to hide this overwhelming, ah, feeling.

My hands shake, slightly. I swear I'm not going to break down--and I control myself a little more.

will make more icons sometime /lazy

[insectoooid]

I look around nervously. But there's no need for nerves, right? We're all human now, no one's taking my Cores or giving me extras.

Is that Gamel?!

[You do that. If he comes back you do that immediately, there's a good chickadee.]

[catcameback]

Oh fuck, oh shit.

I don't even realize my arms are around him until I'm hugging him against me. He's taller and really, I never hugged him before, because what was the point? Also he was possibly dangerous. If he'd ended up like... Like Ankh.

Ankh.

This is my Ankh, though. He was on my side. Ankh betrayed us a long time before I got in on the act, it's not my fault I was way better at it than he was.

But this Ankh...

Shit. What are we supposed to do now?

What if Maki comes back?

"Are you okay?" I choke out finally, holding him at arms length and looking at him all over the way Megumi does to Joe sometimes. "How long have you been..."

[catcameback]

Gamel seems pretty stoked on the candy he found, and I did make sure it was actually candy, so I'm kind of awesome that way. I'm like a seriously awesome older sibling.

Mezool and Uva show up before long, and everything is super awkward for a second because, oh yeah, Uva and Mezool didn't know Gamel was back.

And then Ankh fucking jumps out of the tree I was sitting under. Yummy hisses loudly because I totally jumped.

"Fuck! How long have you been up there?"

(kitty boy, hellooooo)

[insectoooid]

I blink embarrassedly at Kazari, then realise I'm touching his hair. "Hi. It's, um, soft."

I'm still touching it.

"I stopped putting all the stuff in mine, too."

[catcameback]

He's touching me.

Why am I so excited about that?

I can't help it, it feels good. I angle my head towards him, kind of... nudging up against his hand.

Oh my god I'm acting like Yummy.

Well, okay.

"I saw. I like it."

[tweet tweet yay fire cheep cheep and then we can have dino nuggets!]

[mislaid]

I feel too entirely contained. Phantom feelings and desires come back, as Kazari's arms wrap around me tightly. My breath escapes, and I return the grasp, palms pressed flat to his back and fingers clutching into his shirt.

I can't chase away the feeling of wind through my feathers, or memories of quiet, awkward, but somewhat human evenings of our past selves play-acting family.

Burying my face in his shoulder, I try and ignore the wetness in my eyes best I can. I only hope he chooses not to comment if I dampen his shirt a little. I take a shaky breath before he moves away, my hands falling to my sides.

"You were worried," my words come before I can stop, the expression of wonder on my face clear as day. I don't answer his questions--I don't think I can. I'm not sure if I'm okay. The question of time feels too long and not long enough. I press my fingers to my eyes, wiping away traces of tears. "You're happy to see me."

[I am so into the idea of dino nuggets.]

[catcameback]

Oh man, he's like. He's like a little human. I think he's maybe like Gai's age. Maybe even younger, and it's not just like before, where he was getting more and more Ankh-ish without really being Ankh. He's just, like, his own little person and oh damn, these are feelings that are some of the weirdest feelings I've felt yet, and I've been human, like, forever now.

Or it feels like forever.

And also crab cakes is full of shit because having my Switch and being the disciple Leo or whatever didn't make me stop feeling things.

And he's crying. So I guess he didn't get to be the one of us that comes back right. Wrong. Right?

Wrong.

"Of course I was worried. I mean, what happened... What happened to all of us, like, it happened to all of us. You were just... Just first."

I shift a little, crouching down, not that I'm way taller than him anymore, but I just kind of need to not fall over right now. What are we going to do?

"And yeah, I'm happy to see you." I am, too, it's not a lie. I'm probably the only one who will be. And I'm a little scared, too, because...

Well, screw that. "I don't know if everyone else will be as happy, though."

[redgreeed]

I wait until everyone's there, then hop down from the tree. Not quite as gracefully as I once would have, but pretty damn close. I share a private smile with myself when Kazari's cat hisses at me, then cross my arm over my chest and shrug.

"I was early." I answer simply, sparing an extra long stare at his feline friend (I still have a knee-jerk reaction to dislike cats, though whether it's to do with my lingering bird instincts or my lingering distrust for Kazari, I'm not sure) before looking over each of the former Greeeds that have gathered.

Gamel doesn't seem to have changed, nor has Mezool. Uva's hair seems like less of an eyesore, and Kazari has changed his quite suddenly since he stopped by the restaurant. Other than that it's just... we're human now. Not just pretending, not just posing or possessing. It's real.

But for how long? That question still nags me, a little singsong voice in the back of my mind.

Louder than that though is the echo of Eiji's voice telling me to play nice. That they're family, as close to biological family as any of us will get.

I clear my throat. I do my best to smile. "You're all looking... well."

[Just don't tell me they're actually chicken :x]

[mislaid]

It's strange. Kazari is warm now and full and golden and yet--different and all the same, and he feels like home. Real home. I mean--my folks are. Okay. They don't understand the missing-ness. They don't understand... me. I can't see them like I see him, lithe and nimble and smart.

Watching him, I take it all in, silent as I always was, absorbing. I draw in more slow breaths.

"Are you talking about me?" I ask, immediately. That... doesn't change. That's something I'm always going to be concerned about. Whether I like it or not, I'm part of me. Maybe a reflection. Maybe a what if. A fractured identity.

"Or the rest?" The disappointment is clear in my face--my voice low, losing the waver. I will have to deal with the rest. But... I hope that, at least, Kazari can be somewhat at my side for that.

I really don't want trouble. I don't want to hurt anyone. I want to be, like the rest. I want a chance.

[NEVER. I do not believe in cannibalism :( I've been v. good about not feeding Mezool sushi.]]

[catcameback]

It takes me a second to track on what he's saying, but I figure it out soon enough. He's still talking about Ankh like Ankh is just another him. Or a part of him that's missing, or something. Which, yeah, when I really wanted Ankh out of the picture, that was pretty awesome. But now...

I just want us all to be... maybe not friends. But I want us to be able to coexist.

It's kind of stupid and sentimental or whatever, but I don't want to be the bad guys anymore. Any of us. Little Ankh included.

What am I supposed to call him, anyway? He can't just be Ankh.

"I'm not sure." I say carefully. "I guess we have to find out." I stand up again, reaching to put a hand on his head and ruffle his hair a bit. Megumi does that too, only to all of us.

"Do you... How long have you been back? Where have you been staying?" Does he have a family? Should I take him home? My parents really can't handle another kid, and I know that.

[Best cat-mom]

[mislaid]

I catch wariness--but I nod, when Kazari ruffles my hair. The touch is annoying, but I'm not going to fight it. Right now, anyway. If it goes on too long, I'll knock his hand away a little brusquely.

"I'm fine. There are people who are kind, even if they don't understand. I waited for a time. Caught glimpses."

I swallow my desire to reach out for his shirtsleeve or his shirt, knowing that at least those times are behind me. "What about you?"

"I missed you," I say, soft and under my breath. It's barely audible--I'm barely aware I said it as well. "Will you let me be around?"

[*preens* I try.]

[catcameback]

"Yeah, they might not understand." Not everyone can be as super-lucky as me, after all. As long as they're good to him. That's important. I mean, it's not like any of us really had a good idea of what a home life was supposed to be like.

I rub the back of my neck a bit, run a hand through my hair. "What... what about me?" I almost show him my Switch, right now, right away, but no. Bad idea. None of them know, and why would he be the first?

Because he's the first person you ever cared about.

Whoa, is that true? Probably.

"I have people. A good family. Big one. I've been back for... a long time."

Oh, man. Break my heart. I almost hug him again right away, and I understand suddenly why Megumi does that all the time, with the touching. "I want you to be around." I assure him quietly. "I really do."

[you're top cat as far as I'm concerned. c;]

[mislaid]

"I don't really expect anyone to. Not being understood is... what I'm used to," I say, flippantly. It stings, but it's my nature not to let it show. That's the fire, isn't it? Or being above it all.

The feeling will be consumed and I'll burn brighter. Right?

Watching him carefully, I lift my hand a little, palm up. "Have you been... well?" My eyes are soft, and I don't make it pressing. I know how difficult answering these questions is.

This bareness is strange, but his words make me feel better. No more homes in places filled with weird people that relish in the emptiness we abhorred and tried to fill. Maki's presence was only his own, but his atmosphere sucked out all the air in a room. Like if I tried to take flight, I'd fall, not able to take lift.

Kazari's words are soothing and at the same time worrying. 'I want you to be around.' The statement isn't absolute. My brows furrow slightly, and I deflate a little, my teeth set on edge.

[:3]

[catcameback]

"You deserve better than that." I point out. I understood him, or I tried to.

I also used him. I am very aware of that. I'd apologize, but I think maybe it's too late for that.

My hands are drawn down to his hand, and without thinking about it, I take it in mine and just hold on for a second. A good thing I have all this experience with my family, because I want him to know this. I want him to know that I care about him. More than I care about the others, as awful as that might sound. Yeah, I was using him, but damn it, he was still on my side. He was on my side, and I may have stabbed a lot of people in the back, and I may have been rewarded for that behavior with a well-deserved stab in the front, but I never betrayed him. Never ever.

"I'll tell you where I live, okay? And you can come over whenever you want. I have a kitten, do you want to meet him? I... I named him Yummy. And that's kind of weird, and my parents don't really get it, but we get it, right?"