dinohouse | More bedninjaing

"You may more precisely phrase your question, 'What didn't happen?'"//

I frown, though the suit's mask hides it from Eiji-san's view.//

"Shotarou refuses to bring us out of henshin. And he will not allow me physical control, so I cannot, either."//

There's a growl in the back of our mind, Shotarou's fury and pain leeching into every pore of us. He pushes forward to speak, and I let him.//

//"And it's not gonna happen, either," Shotarou says.

Double's eyelight flash is still functioning properly, so hopefully the shift in indicator will help Eiji-san keep track of what's going on.//

Eiji-san can't see Shotarou's face, but I can. There are tears streaming down his cheeks, and inside of us, his hand is clenched tight around mine. His other arm wraps around my shoulders, pinning us together. I tip my head against his, temple to temple, trying to offer quiet solace.//

It's all I can do. All the knowledge and information of the whole world at my fingertips. And that's all the more that I'm capable of.//

The flashing eyes help me keep track of who's speaking, but it wouldn't be difficult without. They're arguing, and obviously something has gone horribly wrong.

...I don't even know where I am. Fuuto?

"Why won't he bring you two out of henshin?" I ask quietly. "Tell me what happened. Details."

//I push Philip to the back, guarding him behind me. He clings to my back, laying his cheek against my shoulder.

//I can feel how much I mean to him in his every gesture.

//Why can't he see that he means just as much to me?

//"I won't break henshin," I tell Eiji. "If I do, Philip told me he'll--" I choke on the word but it must be said. Saying 'gone' is too gentle. 'Gone' isn't the reason I think nothing of the pain I'm in right now.

//"That he'll die. Before we henshined, he told me that this time would be the last time he could do it. He can't put himself back together this time."

//My gaze bores into Eiji from behind the mask, but I know he'll see it anyway. He's got that intuition, at least.

//"I close this driver, and he dies. I close this driver, and Philip. Dies."

//I don't know when my left hand rose to cradle the right side of W's face, but it's there, echoing the caress I'm stroking through Philip's hair as he lays his head on my shoulder. I draw breath, my lungs shuddering as I try to draw it smoothly, and end up choking on air, my throat clenched too tight to breathe easily.

//I can feel Philip's soul wondering if there are digital tears on his cheeks.

He's staring at me. Shotarou-kun, I think.

I listen, feeling my eyebrows drawing down together over my nose. I -- I think I remember what happens to them with this, but I only heard the basics, I don't remember the details, why don't I remember? This must be before my time...

I put a hand on Shotarou-kun's shoulder, then put the other hand on Philip-kun's. "Why will he die?" I ask softly.

Eiji-san WOULD approach us both, straightforward and innocently to the point. It's the sort of human he is.//

//We're both grateful for it.//

"My body - rather, the data that makes up my body - was recently corrupted. The program is broken. When we de-henshin, I am now without a body, and the data that comprises my consciousness will return to the flow of information within Gaia."//

Shotarou didn't really twitch much as I was saying that. It's not like hearing it again will make any difference, though. He may refuse to accept that my passing is a fact he can't change, but he can at least accept the facts that are leading to my passing.//

//What kind of detective would I be if I couldn't face facts, Philip?

Heh. Well, I suppose that's so.//

"Data," I breathe, not quite a question, more of a reconnection. That's it. Philip-kun... something happened to him as a child. He's not quite human now.

And this breaks him.

But he comes back.

"Ah, I'm so sorry," I say hesitantly, wondering if I should say anything.

"Can't you help?" I know it's not very fair to ask Eiji-san to intercede for us, but I really am beginning to fear for Shotarou's life now. He seems determined to destroy himself to save me, or simply to be destroyed in the process.//

I know he could have made the decision, back on the battlefield. He said he would. His hand tensed on the driver. A long moment stretched, and I was afraid to move, afraid to say anything.//

But I leaned close. One last touch, one last moment with him.//

I'm afraid that it was that which broke his resolve. I can't be sure, but I fear that in every way, I am the reason for all of this.//

I know he doesn't regret it. Can't regret it. I can feel that throughout him. One does not doubt one's aibou when you're two-in-one. It simply isn't possible.//

But.//

"Eiji-san, can't you...please." Shotarou doesn't want me to say this, but he won't strangle my words, either. Every interaction I have with the outside world is proof I exist. Proof he doesn't have to let go of me.//

"Please. Shotarou is in pain." My voice is quite a bit more emotional than I wanted it to be.//

I know Eiji-san isn't the type of man to close the Xtreme driver for me, without Shotarou's consent. But briefly, I do wish that he were.//

I drop my hands, and look down at their Driver. I look up at Double's face.

Blank. It's a suit, after all. But it's not exactly hard to visualise the two of them looking back at me. In pain, for different reasons, which come down to exactly the same reason.

"You're asking me to kill you?" I ask softly.

//"yespleasenodon'tnowneverpleaseDON'Tyes--"//

//"Don't you DARE--"

"Eiji-san, please--!"//

//The voice coming out of us is a mix of us both, barely intelligible through the jangle of syllables and voices forcing their way out of W's throat. It's likely Eiji can't understand a word of it, but he surely can see the hearts of us both.//

//Neither of us will give in. He wants to save me - I want to save him - Saving him is all that matters.//

//The only thing we cannot, will not agree on, is what "saving" means.//

They're both pleading with me, yelling at me. Both want different things.

I swallow, and put my hands behind my back.

"Shotarou-kun," I say softly. "If you continue with this, it will hurt both of you. I -- I know what happens to you, at least from what you've told me, in your future. Do you want to know?"

//The question stops us cold.//

Shotarou.//

//Philip...

[He can barely speak. I'm not in much better shape.]//

Shotarou, we should know.//

[He shakes his head.]//

//Philip, I can't hear him say it. I can't hear him say I'll heal, that I'll grow past you. He's going to say some kind of anchorless zen bull like that and I just can't--

//[My shoulders are tense agains Philip's. I twine closer to him, wrapped around him. There's static, sharpness at his edges. The data, decaying. Even now. Even like this.]

//[He's slipping through my fingers. I can't save him.]

//Boss...Philip... I'm sorry...I'm so sorry I can't do anything more. I'm so sorry I'm not hard enough to take it.

//"Yes," I say, quietly, the eyelight on Joker's side of the faceplate flickering dully. "Tell us."

I sigh, not sure if I'm relieved or feeling worse. This is good news, and bad.

I cross my legs, and settle with my elbows on my knees, hands dangling over my feet. "I don't know everything, and I might get some details wrong," I warn. "Things were difficult when you told me. But I can confirm that Philip-kun dies... then comes back, in some way."

//I don't mean my voice to come out as the growl that it does. Really. I push W up to a sitting position, mindful of the Xtreme driver's wings. Never has its size and breadth felt as awkward and dangerous as it does now. One wrong nudge to it, and...

//"In some way? What does that mean, Hino?"

I shrug helplessly, preparing to grab his/their wrists if necessary, if I'm jumped. "It means I don't know what happened. Or how. Or how much it... cost either of you. But he comes back."

Shotarou remains still. After a long moment, I realize he's forgotten to let us breathe. I instruct our lungs to do so, and W draws a sharp breath inward.//

"Shotarou," I begin, speaking externally for Eiji-san's benefit. He is part of this conversation. Potentially, the most important part.//

//"Philip." I echo my aibou, taking anchor from his voice, his steadiness. Why can't I be as steady as my devil? Why am I not yet strong enough to finish this ride we've started?

//...Because I never wanted it to end.

"Shotarou. I never wanted it to end, either," I murmur. I take his hand in mine - he's too numb to keep me from the physical controls - and W sits with its hands clasped, Shotarou and I holding on to each other.//

//"Hino." My voice is rough, hoarse. "He comes back. Did we..." I won't say "I." That would be a defeat in and of itself.

//"Did we say how much it was "him," for real?"

"Whoever you spoke with," I clarify, clenching Shotarou's hand tightly. "Did that source indicate that I was...recovered...in largely the same manner as I--"//

//No, that's not right.//

//We rephrase, and ask him together, our voice less recognizable as individually either of ours.//

//"Philip comes back? Philip, not Raito, not...the program. Philip?"//

//"...My Philip?"

They're actually holding hands.

I suspect this is killing them both.

I watch, eyes wide, wishing I could help more, but there's only so much I can do. They still have to go through this. Still have to go through being separated, watching Philip-kun die.

...their voices are overlapping again. They're bleeding into each other, and while the Philip-kun and Shotarou-kun I've met are close, perhaps unhealthily so at times, it's not like this.

"Philip-kun," I agree quickly. "Yes. As before."

It takes a year, I think, or was it three? But it happens. I'll broach that subject if they seem up to it.

//We can't quite breathe.//

"And...we told you this?"//

//If we both told him it...then we were both there to tell him.

If we did tell him that, Shotarou...//

//I grit my teeth. I still don't want to do it, but -

//"And you had no reason not to believe us?"

//Adrenaline washes through me again. I can feel Philip wince. It's hurting me, too. His hope is so bright, though, it's lighting me up from inside. He hopes that this is the way out - that this is how he can save me from this situation he feels is all his doing.

//I breathe deeply, calming myself. As long as my devil will ride with me, I will not crack. I won't.

I nod immediately. "You were both there. We talked for a while, after we fought- after a fight," I say, vaguely aware that I probably shouldn't say too much. "The two of you, me, and F- another Rider."

I reach out to squeeze both shoulders again, briefly. "Shotarou-kun. Philip-kun. I know this must hurt."

//We lean into Eiji's hold on our shoulders. We can use all the support and grounding we can get, right now.//

"Shotarou..."//

//I squeeze Philip's hand tightly, then let go, crossing my hand further past the meridian of our body. Philip inhales hard, choking back a sound that might have been a whine of emotion wrung too tight.

//My hand comes to rest on the hilt of the Xtreme driver. I swallow hard. Eighty percent, I tell myself. Eighty percent of a man's job is being decisive.

//"You come find me, Philip," I tell him. "I don't care what it takes. No excuses. You-- you come find me."

Within, I wrap myself around Shotarou, pressing as close as I can manage. The fray of data around my edges is picking up speed. All this emotion, and the delay of time since the end of the battle - I wouldn't have long anyway.//

"Do you have the courage...to wait for this devil?" I ask him.//

//"Always."

//I close the driver.

I'm vaguely aware, after a while, that my head's resting on someone's knee. Hino-san's, it must be. I'm curled up on my side...on my left side, on the bed. I think I've been shaking a lot, because all the muscles in my body are burning with pain.

All I can hear is quiet. Silence. The W belt is clutched in my hand and I'm probably bruising my palm by gripping it too hard. Philip's Cyclone memory is clutched in my other hand.

It feels cold.

Shotarou-kun does it.

The henshin fails, and I see something ripple away in green, with a trace of a face... Ah, Philip-kun, no...

I screw up my face in empathy, ready to ease poor Shotarou-kun with a gentle hug if he needs it, with tissues which have to be around here somewhere, with anything, except he basically falls apart, clutching the belt and one of those little memory sticks, and there's no way I can move.

I don't say anything, because there's nothing to say. I just keep stroking his shoulder, letting him know that he's not alone. Even if he's alone, now.

More bedninjaing

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

[BEING EVIL~ youuuu told me to~]

I HATE YOU okay fine I love you

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

2/2

gah, boys :(