dinohouse | More bedninjaing

Shotarou remains still. After a long moment, I realize he's forgotten to let us breathe. I instruct our lungs to do so, and W draws a sharp breath inward.//

"Shotarou," I begin, speaking externally for Eiji-san's benefit. He is part of this conversation. Potentially, the most important part.//

//"Philip." I echo my aibou, taking anchor from his voice, his steadiness. Why can't I be as steady as my devil? Why am I not yet strong enough to finish this ride we've started?

//...Because I never wanted it to end.

"Shotarou. I never wanted it to end, either," I murmur. I take his hand in mine - he's too numb to keep me from the physical controls - and W sits with its hands clasped, Shotarou and I holding on to each other.//

//"Hino." My voice is rough, hoarse. "He comes back. Did we..." I won't say "I." That would be a defeat in and of itself.

//"Did we say how much it was "him," for real?"

"Whoever you spoke with," I clarify, clenching Shotarou's hand tightly. "Did that source indicate that I was...recovered...in largely the same manner as I--"//

//No, that's not right.//

//We rephrase, and ask him together, our voice less recognizable as individually either of ours.//

//"Philip comes back? Philip, not Raito, not...the program. Philip?"//

//"...My Philip?"

They're actually holding hands.

I suspect this is killing them both.

I watch, eyes wide, wishing I could help more, but there's only so much I can do. They still have to go through this. Still have to go through being separated, watching Philip-kun die.

...their voices are overlapping again. They're bleeding into each other, and while the Philip-kun and Shotarou-kun I've met are close, perhaps unhealthily so at times, it's not like this.

"Philip-kun," I agree quickly. "Yes. As before."

It takes a year, I think, or was it three? But it happens. I'll broach that subject if they seem up to it.

//We can't quite breathe.//

"And...we told you this?"//

//If we both told him it...then we were both there to tell him.

If we did tell him that, Shotarou...//

//I grit my teeth. I still don't want to do it, but -

//"And you had no reason not to believe us?"

//Adrenaline washes through me again. I can feel Philip wince. It's hurting me, too. His hope is so bright, though, it's lighting me up from inside. He hopes that this is the way out - that this is how he can save me from this situation he feels is all his doing.

//I breathe deeply, calming myself. As long as my devil will ride with me, I will not crack. I won't.

I nod immediately. "You were both there. We talked for a while, after we fought- after a fight," I say, vaguely aware that I probably shouldn't say too much. "The two of you, me, and F- another Rider."

I reach out to squeeze both shoulders again, briefly. "Shotarou-kun. Philip-kun. I know this must hurt."

//We lean into Eiji's hold on our shoulders. We can use all the support and grounding we can get, right now.//

"Shotarou..."//

//I squeeze Philip's hand tightly, then let go, crossing my hand further past the meridian of our body. Philip inhales hard, choking back a sound that might have been a whine of emotion wrung too tight.

//My hand comes to rest on the hilt of the Xtreme driver. I swallow hard. Eighty percent, I tell myself. Eighty percent of a man's job is being decisive.

//"You come find me, Philip," I tell him. "I don't care what it takes. No excuses. You-- you come find me."

Within, I wrap myself around Shotarou, pressing as close as I can manage. The fray of data around my edges is picking up speed. All this emotion, and the delay of time since the end of the battle - I wouldn't have long anyway.//

"Do you have the courage...to wait for this devil?" I ask him.//

//"Always."

//I close the driver.

I'm vaguely aware, after a while, that my head's resting on someone's knee. Hino-san's, it must be. I'm curled up on my side...on my left side, on the bed. I think I've been shaking a lot, because all the muscles in my body are burning with pain.

All I can hear is quiet. Silence. The W belt is clutched in my hand and I'm probably bruising my palm by gripping it too hard. Philip's Cyclone memory is clutched in my other hand.

It feels cold.

Shotarou-kun does it.

The henshin fails, and I see something ripple away in green, with a trace of a face... Ah, Philip-kun, no...

I screw up my face in empathy, ready to ease poor Shotarou-kun with a gentle hug if he needs it, with tissues which have to be around here somewhere, with anything, except he basically falls apart, clutching the belt and one of those little memory sticks, and there's no way I can move.

I don't say anything, because there's nothing to say. I just keep stroking his shoulder, letting him know that he's not alone. Even if he's alone, now.

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gah, boys :(