That's not really an answer. It's fun, however, so I can go along with it.

I try to sit up so I can reach him properly, but there's all these pillows and bits of futon and stuff in the way. Instead, I'll hook my spare arm around his shoulders for support. I'm going to need it; he's pretty eager. Wonder what got into him? But I'm not going down without a fight.

I'll mention the beard rash problem later. He does have very nice lips.