"You think I don't need you-?" I choke out, but my voice cracks and I have to shut up before I dissolve into tears.
I press the heels of my hands into my eyes, press hard, until I'm seeing stars, then let my hands drop.
He can't even look at me. Not properly.
"Of course I need you. I always did. Not just because of the medals." I try to keep my voice calm, but I half want to cry, half want to grab him and shake him and demand to know why I'm always the 'idiot'.
"But I'm not about to grab you and make you stay close to me." I take a step, but I don't touch him. "I need you whole. I need you happy. And I'll do anything required that help you feel happy, to help you feel whole, even if that means you're not physically with me. Don't you get it? I don't want you here with me if you're longing for something else. Even if it ripped my stupid heart out, I'd prefer you on the other side of the world, but happy."
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I press the heels of my hands into my eyes, press hard, until I'm seeing stars, then let my hands drop.
He can't even look at me. Not properly.
"Of course I need you. I always did. Not just because of the medals." I try to keep my voice calm, but I half want to cry, half want to grab him and shake him and demand to know why I'm always the 'idiot'.
"But I'm not about to grab you and make you stay close to me." I take a step, but I don't touch him. "I need you whole. I need you happy. And I'll do anything required that help you feel happy, to help you feel whole, even if that means you're not physically with me. Don't you get it? I don't want you here with me if you're longing for something else. Even if it ripped my stupid heart out, I'd prefer you on the other side of the world, but happy."