dinohouse | [Kotako] - For Enter/Emeric

This might be a trap. Couldn't every thing be a trap?

Therefore I am cautious before attempting to contact the connection that had been scrawled into the scrap of paper that I now keep tucked in the pocket over my heart. It might not mean much anymore, but it's the meaning of the thing, the intention.

I check the maps and overlays several times to make sure. There's no reason for them to come looking for me here even if they are listening in. Barren landscape, no Enetron tanks within three kilometers on any side. It would be pointless to create a Metaroid here. So maybe this once they'll leave me alone.

I don't relax quiet yet, though. Just in case. I stand with my computer in hand, one finger lifted to tap into the wireless and radio signals crisscrossing the city, no, the entire country.

"E-Emeric?"

Oh, mon dieu. She sounds just the same.

"Kotako?" I can't bring myself to correct her, even if I'm not who she's looking for after all, Etienne has made that quite clear.

The line that represents my mouth turns up at the ends. "Hi, Emeric! Hi, hi, hi!" I bubble excitedly. "It's so good to hear your voice!"

I don't think I can cry any more, I don't think that is a function that was left intact.

But I'll be damned if my body isn't doing it's best to try anyway.

"And yours, ma chérie. It's... it's good to hear you too." I certainly hope none of the rest of them are listening in on this, it could prove very compromising. "Are you well?"

I can't bear to think they might be mistreating her. Why would they? What would it accomplish?

Ah, he sounds sad. I touch the screen automatically, wishing I could touch *him*. He must be so big now, like Etienne.

"I'm well," I agree, as cheerfully as I can. "I miss you, though. I miss you so much."

My voice goes very soft. "I'm really sorry about everything."

I don't even realize that I'm sinking slowly to the ground, my legs crossing automatically underneath my, until I'm balancing my computer on my knee and trying to remember how to breathe.

"I miss you too, ma chérie."

I gulp at her apology. I don't want to be angry, I don't. "Non, non, non. Don't say that. It's not your fault."

He sounds so upset.

I miss when he was a child. Sometimes when he was especially sad or frightened, I'd climb into his lap, or he'd climb into mine when he was particularly small, and we'd just hold each other.

"I shouldn't've left you alone for a second," I gulp, with the line on my display that means my mouth now turning down at the ends. I can't help it.

I don't want to cry again.

"Non!" I snap, but quietly. I can't be cross with her. She sounds upset. This is not her fault, none of it.

"There was nothing you could do, chérie, I know that." I make sure my voice is steady. "Nothing you could do."

"My poor Emeric," I say lovingly, sniffling just a little. "Always so nice to me."

I'm drawing idle little patterns on the desk with a tentacle. I still can't quite believe he's still alive. "I was really happy when I heard you were alive," I tell him softly. "I wish I could come and see you."

I think she's going to cry. I didn't know that was something they could do either. I wonder briefly how it works, in a detached sort of way.

"It's the truth. None of this is your fault. You didn't... you didn't want any of this."

I'm not sure what to say to her about that. Am I alive? Am I Emeric still, or am I merely Messiah's tool, Enter?

Both, I suppose I must be both.

"I wish I could see you too."

"I don't really understand why we can't," I admit softly. "I kept telling Etienne and Hiromu that I want to leave the base and see you, but..."

Takosawa, too, but it's harder to get coherent sentences out of him when he's upset.

I frown a little at that. I'm sure they're being very understanding.

They had better be very understanding. It's bad enough that she's upset.

"They don't trust me, chérie. That's... that's why they won't let us be together." It's true enough.

I want so badly to protect her. She didn't choose any of this, and now she's stuck on the wrong side. The AntiVirus that protects her from Messiah just means that when the time comes, she will have to be destroyed. "I'm not exactly as you remember."

My eyes are whirling.

"Why don't they trust you?" I ask dolefully. "I don't get it. They explained to me, but Etienne's too polite and Hiromu's too blunt and the truth is somewhere in between."

I don't know how I'm supposed to explain. I especially don't know what Hiromu or Etienne has said to try to explain.

Maybe they just should have kept my existence from her. Let her keep thinking I was dead. It might have been easier for her.

"I suppose I am dangerous to them." I say finally. "That's all." I'm not even sure what she knows about Messiah. I'm not sure of much of anything, only that Messiah chose to save me and use me instead of letting me die, and for that reason I am sure Messiah will prevail.

I curl in on myself, my two main manipulator tentacles wrapping around me. I wish he had visual on so I could at least see him. "You wouldn't hurt them," I say softly. "No matter what's happened to you. I don't believe it."

"I might." I admit. I hate having to be the one to shatter her illusion of me as the eleven-year-old child I was, but if Hiromu and Etienne aren't going to treat her with that kind of respect, I'm sure as hell going to. "If they hurt you, I'd hurt them. If any of them hurt Eti, I'd hurt them too."

He -- he might?

"They wouldn't hurt me or Eti," I protest wistfully, "so it would never come up, Emi. Please. Please don't say that."

I imagine she's the only one left who would ever call me that, so I'm not sure why it catches me off guard, but it does, and it hurts like a knife. Etienne will never call me that again. Nicknames from when we were very young, just learning to speak, French concurrently with Japanese from birth.

"If they did, though, Ko-ko. If anything happens to you, I won't... I can't forgive anyone who could ever hurt someone as good as you."

I love the sound of that pet name from him. It's been so long. His voice has changed, deepened, but he's still my Emi.

He sounds really upset.

"You're all grown up, but you're still my little Emi," I say fondly. "So loving, so protective. Don't worry about me."

All grown up. Just like Etienne. Precisely like Etienne, in fact, only on the other side of a conflict that can never been peacefully reconciled. If EMC prevails, if Messiah is destroyed, I have no doubt that I will follow shortly after, if of course I don't fall before. If Messiah conquers, well. I can't imagine. Destruction. Maybe I could protect Kotako. She's a machine at heart, like Messiah.

But Etienne...

No, I don't imagine we can both survive this, no matter how much in pains me to know.

"I won't." I hate lying to her. I am. I do. I want to protect her, and I can't even risk opening a visual feed in this conversation that will probably never happen again.

"You're strong."

"I'm not," I laugh, voice rippling electronically. "But you're very nice to say so."

I touch the screen again, wishing I could see him. "Hiromu says you're with Messiah and you can't come home yet," I say softly. "If I'd stayed with you, maybe that wouldn't've happened. Or maybe I could at least be with you now." I hate this. I hate it so much. "Will you come back? Please? I miss you."

I tell myself I don't need to see her. That there's no possible way she's changed. She doesn't age.

My free hand closes into a tight fist, my nails digging into my own palm. "I can't, chérie." I say softly. "I want to see you, know that I dearly do. But..." I imagine they haven't told her. Haven't explained. A flash of anger, directed mostly at Etienne. "They'll hurt me if I do. I've done bad things, Ko-ko."

I hang my head. "It can't be that bad," I say in a miserable little electronic warble. "People can be forgiven for anything. I'll help you explain."

I have to. It's the least I can do after not being there for him.

"That's very sweet of you." I hate it when she sounds upset. I don't even know who to blame anymore.

Myself, I suppose.

"But this isn't exactly like a broken window or a stolen piece of candy. Everyone is in danger. And Eti doesn't want me back."

"I'll talk to him," I say firmly. "You two have fought before, Emi. It will be all right. You just have to trust me."

I give a halfhearted smile even though she can't see it.

If it keeps her busy. If it makes her happy.

"I do trust you, chérie. You do whatever you think is right."

"I will, my darling Emi," I say lovingly. "And I'll come to see you, too. I'll fix everything."

I touch the screen, running yet another computation in my head to come up with an estimate of what he might look like now. Like Etienne, of course, but not exactly. They've never been one hundred percent identical. Not to me, or Takosawa, or each other.

"I love you."

I don't see that happening any time in the near future... Or ever, but it's not my place to shatter her illusions. She's upset enough as it is.

"I'm sure you will." False hope. I guess I'm no better than Hiromu after all.

I close my eyes and sigh again. "I should go, chérie. I have things to do. I'm not sure when we can talk again." If we can talk again.

I don't want him to go. My voice gets very small.

"Can I see you on the screen, at least?"

I've never been able to say no to her, damn it. I shake my head before she can see it, then with a tap of a few keys I turn on the visual feed.

Of course, she looks exactly the same. What was I expecting, her to be taller?

"Just for you."

I hear buttons being pressed, then he appears on the screen. My mouth icon turns up at the edges, then up some more.

"Emi," I say happily. "You look wonderful. Thank you!"

She's smiling. Well, at least I could do that for her still.

"Thank you for the compliment," I say quietly, a reflex she had instilled in me when I was younger. "I really should go, though. Before..." Before anyone finds out. Before the Go-Busters track me here. Before I hurt her any more.

Such good manners, still. I don't know what's happened to him, but he's still a good person.

"You go if you have to," I tell him hastily. "I'll see you soon, okay? And I want a full explanation about everything when I do!"

"Oui, oui, oui," I can't imagine her ever making it out of their base. There's no way Etienne will let her, at the very least. "Of course, I'll tell you everything then."

It'll probably be in the afterlife, but at least I can rest assured that chances are we'll at least go to the same one. The underworld for machines.

If such a thing even exists.

"And, Ko-ko..." I smile into the camera for her. "Je t'aime."

"You'd better," I say happily. I want to sound all punish-y because I've only just got him back, sort of, and I need to look after him! But I can't. I'm just so happy to see him and talk to him, even if I can't hug him yet.

....awww.

"Me, too," I say softly. "Very much."

"Adieu, ma chérie." My voice drops to a whisper right before I cut the connection.

I'm still not crying. I guess that's not something I can do after all.

[Kotako] - For Enter/Emeric

[asspull, feel free to tell me whether it's awful]

shush, it is lovely <3

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