[Mushverse: Greeed-party!]

[catcameback]

[Main thread probable post order: Kazari-Ankh-Gamel-Mezool-Uva repeat? For the main thread, anyway, but if any two or three Greeed want to have separate conversations, feel free to make side threads.]

I've got to get Gamel and Mezool back together, mostly because I'm not about to share my parents with Gamel, and also because Gamel really just wants Mezool back. And maybe this time around she can actually give a shit about him instead of just pretending to.

Also I told Ankh that I'd keep him informed and that maybe we should all get together sometime and make sure all the backstabbing and hating each other is in the past. Or at least something we're better able to control.

Something I'm better able to control.

Also that was before Gamel came back, and so now we should probably all get together and talk about what the hell we're going to do if Maki comes back, too.

It takes some figuring out but in the end I send them all text messages telling them to come to the school, which is not in session today, so we can hang out in the courtyard and probably not be bothered.

I asked Megumi to help me make some food, because I think everyone would be in an awful mood if there wasn't any food. I guess it's like a picnic or something.

Ice cream for Ankh, he likes that, right? And no sushi, much to my unending disappointment. Don't want to put Mezool off. No chicken either, so it's mostly rice, vegetables, and sweets, that kind of stuff. I'll survive. I guess.

I bring Yummy too. He is the best cat in the entire world.

Now it's just a matter of waiting to see if they all show up. And whether my first instinct is to betray every single one of them. Again.

Comments

[he's so cute omg Kazari's like LET ME LOVE YOU]

[catcameback]

So things are, you know, they're going. I mean, Ankh is posturing and Gamel is just happy to have Mezool back, and I am about this close to pouncing on Uva and... asking him what he thinks about my new hair and my cat, because Yummy is really into having friends, so I guess I'm going to have to see more of them, because how can I deny that face?

Except there's someone lurking out at the edge of the courtyard, and the kid is familiar in some weird way that I can't put my finger on. A friend of one of my brothers? No, then he'd just come over and say hi.

I don't think anyone will notice my sneaking off, so I hop to my feet and prowl over nearer to the stranger.

"Hey. Do I know you?"

[MAMACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT where's papa dino 8(]

[mislaid]

"You know me," I answer, tucking my lips in a tight smile, polite, but slightly hurt. I've been watching, seeing them come and go in the familiar ways that I was never quite fully a part of.

Still, I'm trying, and that's the important thing. "How could you forget me?" I ask, then, and it's my own private joke to myself. It all came slowly, ebbs and waves to me, over time. Me, me, them, how agonizing it was.

And I was so young. But I, so old.

Kazari brings warm, familiar feelings, though, in a way I never understood before. That proximity, I feel it's routine for us.

[D8 mroawr hiss oh yeah you missed the part where papa stabbed me with his arm.]

[catcameback]

Do I? Again I'm struck with serious familiarity, the voice, the cadence, it's really familiar, but not from anything recent. Not home, not school.

Before.

Well, what came before?

Oh. No fucking way.

It's not really him, it can't be. We all came back looking just the same as we were pretending, but this kid is older.

"Ankh?" I drop my voice into a whisper and lean close to him. I don't want the other Ankh to think I'm talking about him.

[D: THAT'S AWFUL OF PAPA, I'LL SET HIM ON FIRE]

[mislaid]

I kept my memories close. They made that feeling--that incredible sense of void, of incompleteness, of missing--dull and go away. Maybe my focus on my own, new, life was lessened because of that, but can I be blamed? Still--something's swelling into my throat and it's thrilling and it hurts, but it's that heartache that smacks of home.

"Bingo." I can't stop the touches of a smile emerging at the corners of my mouth. The best I can hope for is a grimace, at least--to hide this overwhelming, ah, feeling.

My hands shake, slightly. I swear I'm not going to break down--and I control myself a little more.

[You do that. If he comes back you do that immediately, there's a good chickadee.]

[catcameback]

Oh fuck, oh shit.

I don't even realize my arms are around him until I'm hugging him against me. He's taller and really, I never hugged him before, because what was the point? Also he was possibly dangerous. If he'd ended up like... Like Ankh.

Ankh.

This is my Ankh, though. He was on my side. Ankh betrayed us a long time before I got in on the act, it's not my fault I was way better at it than he was.

But this Ankh...

Shit. What are we supposed to do now?

What if Maki comes back?

"Are you okay?" I choke out finally, holding him at arms length and looking at him all over the way Megumi does to Joe sometimes. "How long have you been..."

[tweet tweet yay fire cheep cheep and then we can have dino nuggets!]

[mislaid]

I feel too entirely contained. Phantom feelings and desires come back, as Kazari's arms wrap around me tightly. My breath escapes, and I return the grasp, palms pressed flat to his back and fingers clutching into his shirt.

I can't chase away the feeling of wind through my feathers, or memories of quiet, awkward, but somewhat human evenings of our past selves play-acting family.

Burying my face in his shoulder, I try and ignore the wetness in my eyes best I can. I only hope he chooses not to comment if I dampen his shirt a little. I take a shaky breath before he moves away, my hands falling to my sides.

"You were worried," my words come before I can stop, the expression of wonder on my face clear as day. I don't answer his questions--I don't think I can. I'm not sure if I'm okay. The question of time feels too long and not long enough. I press my fingers to my eyes, wiping away traces of tears. "You're happy to see me."

[I am so into the idea of dino nuggets.]

[catcameback]

Oh man, he's like. He's like a little human. I think he's maybe like Gai's age. Maybe even younger, and it's not just like before, where he was getting more and more Ankh-ish without really being Ankh. He's just, like, his own little person and oh damn, these are feelings that are some of the weirdest feelings I've felt yet, and I've been human, like, forever now.

Or it feels like forever.

And also crab cakes is full of shit because having my Switch and being the disciple Leo or whatever didn't make me stop feeling things.

And he's crying. So I guess he didn't get to be the one of us that comes back right. Wrong. Right?

Wrong.

"Of course I was worried. I mean, what happened... What happened to all of us, like, it happened to all of us. You were just... Just first."

I shift a little, crouching down, not that I'm way taller than him anymore, but I just kind of need to not fall over right now. What are we going to do?

"And yeah, I'm happy to see you." I am, too, it's not a lie. I'm probably the only one who will be. And I'm a little scared, too, because...

Well, screw that. "I don't know if everyone else will be as happy, though."

[Just don't tell me they're actually chicken :x]

[mislaid]

It's strange. Kazari is warm now and full and golden and yet--different and all the same, and he feels like home. Real home. I mean--my folks are. Okay. They don't understand the missing-ness. They don't understand... me. I can't see them like I see him, lithe and nimble and smart.

Watching him, I take it all in, silent as I always was, absorbing. I draw in more slow breaths.

"Are you talking about me?" I ask, immediately. That... doesn't change. That's something I'm always going to be concerned about. Whether I like it or not, I'm part of me. Maybe a reflection. Maybe a what if. A fractured identity.

"Or the rest?" The disappointment is clear in my face--my voice low, losing the waver. I will have to deal with the rest. But... I hope that, at least, Kazari can be somewhat at my side for that.

I really don't want trouble. I don't want to hurt anyone. I want to be, like the rest. I want a chance.

[NEVER. I do not believe in cannibalism :( I've been v. good about not feeding Mezool sushi.]]

[catcameback]

It takes me a second to track on what he's saying, but I figure it out soon enough. He's still talking about Ankh like Ankh is just another him. Or a part of him that's missing, or something. Which, yeah, when I really wanted Ankh out of the picture, that was pretty awesome. But now...

I just want us all to be... maybe not friends. But I want us to be able to coexist.

It's kind of stupid and sentimental or whatever, but I don't want to be the bad guys anymore. Any of us. Little Ankh included.

What am I supposed to call him, anyway? He can't just be Ankh.

"I'm not sure." I say carefully. "I guess we have to find out." I stand up again, reaching to put a hand on his head and ruffle his hair a bit. Megumi does that too, only to all of us.

"Do you... How long have you been back? Where have you been staying?" Does he have a family? Should I take him home? My parents really can't handle another kid, and I know that.

[Best cat-mom]

[mislaid]

I catch wariness--but I nod, when Kazari ruffles my hair. The touch is annoying, but I'm not going to fight it. Right now, anyway. If it goes on too long, I'll knock his hand away a little brusquely.

"I'm fine. There are people who are kind, even if they don't understand. I waited for a time. Caught glimpses."

I swallow my desire to reach out for his shirtsleeve or his shirt, knowing that at least those times are behind me. "What about you?"

"I missed you," I say, soft and under my breath. It's barely audible--I'm barely aware I said it as well. "Will you let me be around?"

[*preens* I try.]

[catcameback]

"Yeah, they might not understand." Not everyone can be as super-lucky as me, after all. As long as they're good to him. That's important. I mean, it's not like any of us really had a good idea of what a home life was supposed to be like.

I rub the back of my neck a bit, run a hand through my hair. "What... what about me?" I almost show him my Switch, right now, right away, but no. Bad idea. None of them know, and why would he be the first?

Because he's the first person you ever cared about.

Whoa, is that true? Probably.

"I have people. A good family. Big one. I've been back for... a long time."

Oh, man. Break my heart. I almost hug him again right away, and I understand suddenly why Megumi does that all the time, with the touching. "I want you to be around." I assure him quietly. "I really do."

[you're top cat as far as I'm concerned. c;]

[mislaid]

"I don't really expect anyone to. Not being understood is... what I'm used to," I say, flippantly. It stings, but it's my nature not to let it show. That's the fire, isn't it? Or being above it all.

The feeling will be consumed and I'll burn brighter. Right?

Watching him carefully, I lift my hand a little, palm up. "Have you been... well?" My eyes are soft, and I don't make it pressing. I know how difficult answering these questions is.

This bareness is strange, but his words make me feel better. No more homes in places filled with weird people that relish in the emptiness we abhorred and tried to fill. Maki's presence was only his own, but his atmosphere sucked out all the air in a room. Like if I tried to take flight, I'd fall, not able to take lift.

Kazari's words are soothing and at the same time worrying. 'I want you to be around.' The statement isn't absolute. My brows furrow slightly, and I deflate a little, my teeth set on edge.

[:3]

[catcameback]

"You deserve better than that." I point out. I understood him, or I tried to.

I also used him. I am very aware of that. I'd apologize, but I think maybe it's too late for that.

My hands are drawn down to his hand, and without thinking about it, I take it in mine and just hold on for a second. A good thing I have all this experience with my family, because I want him to know this. I want him to know that I care about him. More than I care about the others, as awful as that might sound. Yeah, I was using him, but damn it, he was still on my side. He was on my side, and I may have stabbed a lot of people in the back, and I may have been rewarded for that behavior with a well-deserved stab in the front, but I never betrayed him. Never ever.

"I'll tell you where I live, okay? And you can come over whenever you want. I have a kitten, do you want to meet him? I... I named him Yummy. And that's kind of weird, and my parents don't really get it, but we get it, right?"

[:<> :> :<>]

[mislaid]

My hand feels warm, enclosed in Kazari's. I clutch at him, nearly desperately, betraying the emotional stoicism I'd already so (un)successfully kept. I worry if this is too good to be true. I've been burned.

"We get it," I parrot. "The name is good for a pet." I remember mine--not ashamedly. My Yummies used people, like their own desires did. I still don't think it's my fault, but my interference did not help. However, human nature is (my nature?) human nature, after all. And Greeeds will be Greeeds. The Yummies were pets to me and their 'parents' as well.

The bad feelings let up and I allow myself to smile again.

[AAHH LITTLE BIRD FACE :D :D :D]

[catcameback]

This is so weird, but it's really cool too. I could get used to this. I like him, a lot. I always did, and not just because he listened to me. Because he was catty and grumpy and small. He's not so small anymore.

"He doesn't make Medals... But I'm teaching him to fetch me things. Like, he can bring me my chopsticks already, but only one at a time."

He smiles and I smile back at him.

"You... um, you grew up." It's not a question. He wouldn't have the answer anyway, would he? None of us have any answers, about why we're back or how long we'll be like this. Ankh, other Ankh, big Ankh I guess, he's probably still freaking out about that.

[I TRIED REALLY HARD X>]

[mislaid]

"Fetching's for dogs," I comment, making a face, "but I guess his mouth isn't big enough for both." My fingers lace with his, holding tight.

I'm apprehensive--I don't think there's going to be a lot that will make me less apprehensive but time. However, I feel like... now I can last that feeling out.

I can figure it out. I wasn't ready then--wasn't okay enough years ago, when I woke up. Now? I might be. Maybe I have a chance at... something. I still can't name it.

"Growing happens now, you know." I smirk a little, teasing. Kazari makes me smile, with his wonder. I should be surprised too--they all look (relatively) the same as they used to. "So much is different," my second comment is more somber.

[I am proudest catmom]

[catcameback]

"You have a point." I'm not about to let go of his hand.

The cat in question comes over and I crouch down enough to let him climb up my sleeve and sit on my shoulder.

"Look, Yummy. This is Ankh." Now that Yummy's noticed me, I wonder if the others are going to come over soon. If they're even going to care.

I think Ankh might care. But... I don't care what he thinks, he can judge this Ankh only after he figures out what the hell he's doing with Eiji. He started the betrayal, I always remind myself of that when I start to feel like maybe everything was my fault. Ankh started it.

I bite my lip at his statement. He's right, of course, I figured that out with my hair. That's why I changed it. But this... This is a lot of years. He can't have...

"You've... you've been back a long time, then?" Damn. "It's... really different, but I think I like it. You know?"

[I will be your Honor Student chickadee]

[mislaid]

I smile, tentatively reaching out to pet Yummy with careful, easy fingers. "Cats... do what they want, and sometimes, if you're lucky, or they like you, it's what you want, too. Right?" Try as I might, I can't help but be fascinated. I wasn't lying when I said I missed him. I missed--them, I missed... even being near.

Honestly, as long as I'm even peripheral--it eases the confusion, and bolsters my spirit. I don't pity myself--I never did. I can't help who I am.

I can't help who the others are, as well. But... so long as I'm even allowed this much? It's been worth it. I still... want for my other half, or maybe it's more than half to me, or less than that.

But--my impulse is no longer one to consume and meld. I feel self-indulgent, presumptuous, and uncaring about this feeling, but honestly? I deserved two lives. I only want ... to know this other me, and to be near 'me' in some ways.

But my own personality tells me that's not... likely.

"Mm." I nod, to both questions. "There's so much to learn."

[Much better than other Ankh.]

[catcameback]

Yummy likes him, licking at his fingers. So I think that means everything is good. For us, anyway. And we're the ones who really matter, right? I was alone, and I guess he's alone too. But I have a family, and I think he must have a family too. And if he needs a family who at least pretends to understand, he can totally come over and borrow mine sometimes. My parents are awesome that way.

"That's how we work." I agree with a little nod. Doing what I want, that's how it's always been.

"Yeah." I agree with that too. I'm still learning stuff. Not just human stuff. Zodiarts Horoscopes stuff too. And just... Just, stuff. "There's a lot of stuff going on. But I think... we're on the right side now."

[We could, counter-productively, get you a bumper sticker, "My bird can set your bird on more fire"]

[mislaid]

His sandpaper tongue tickles my fingertips, and I grin a little. My family is... distant, and that's just fine for me. I need space, to preen and to grow. But hanging out with Kazari's doesn't sound like a terrible idea too.

After all, he seems pretty okay now. I like that.

"We... didn't get a great start, last time." I shrug, then. I've figured that much out, at least. We were never meant to win. Maybe--this is our reward for not feeding off the human race. Or something. Or maybe, we're just lucky.

"Now, we're more able."

[I like this idea. Only, I don't have a car. Maybe I'll just stick it on the back of my kaijin form]

[catcameback]

"Or the first time," I agree, but then I'm not sure if he remembers that. This whole two-Ankh situation only happened because the first Ankh was such a greedy (hah, oh man, okay, that's why crab cakes loves puns) jerk. He split himself in two, by accident, and his consciousness split to compensate. I can buy that, I mean, it's not like the alchemists really had any fucking idea what they were doing, giving us three heads apiece. It could have happened to me, I realize. One of my other Cores could have gained sentience, if separated from me long enough. Right?

I guess. Who knows? We'll never know for sure, because all the Cores are gone now. And probably most of the Cells too, at this point.

"I like to think we're lucky. Like. Getting another chance to do this the right way. That's what my parents think too."

[that works v. well]

[mislaid]

My other self may have changed--but I still feel like we're two halves of the same (heh) medal. Or duplicates. The science of what we were--I was closer to 'my' original form, I think. Before things went twisted-wrong and broken. My medals were dormant for years, but given long enough without me, my desire for completion allowed me to hatch, so to speak.

I nod to his words and draw my hands away, stepping a little back. "Can I tell you a secret, though?" I ask, almost embarrassed. This truth is one hard to tell--made harder because it feels like the assumption is, this time, our forms are not flawed. Still, it's been bubbled up inside me for as long as I can remember, since the moment I woke up and discovered that small, sad fact. I watch Kazari's face, then look to Yummy, trying to be impassive, but waiting for his answer.

I bite my lip, look down, then back up. I hate feeling vulnerable like this. I hate giving into that. But--I have to tell someone, and at this moment, Kazari is... the only one I can trust.

[catcameback]

The poor little guy. How long before I woke up was he kicking around, lost and confused and wondering? I had a hard enough time, trying to figure it out, and I had a good family who supported me instead of just being there. I woke up alone, Ankh woke up alone, I think we all woke up alone, but how much more alone must he have been, considering the way he... ended.

I kind of hate Eiji for a second. It wasn't fair, really, it wasn't. The other Ankh got treated special by OOO, just in the same damn way. This one didn't even get a chance.

I look down at him, meet his eyes and hold his gaze for a moment before I nod. "You can tell me anything." I have secrets too. And I might share them with him.

I'm not going to let anything happen to any of us. This is my way making up for all my past transgressions. I'll protect my new family and my old one. And that means both Ankhs, damn it.

[mislaid]

"I miss my old body." The masquerading as human thing was weird enough. Of course, I really didn't know any better in the first place, so taking that form in particular was fine. Still--I always felt more natural with my Greeed form, my feathers and wings and beak.

Even if it was half-complete, even if I was missing an arm, so to speak, it was still mine and me. I was beautiful, like that.

I turn my face away, looking to the side. This is really embarrassing, almost childish. "And flying." Does it--does it invalidate how happy I am to be here again, if I still miss what I had?

I don't want to be just a grubby human, but if being a grubby human is how I can actually live and feel and exist--I'll take it. If my family is grubby humans too, that's still great. I can still... be with them. Maybe. At the very least I can be with Kazari.

But I can't shake the feeling that it's up there, in the sky, where I belong, even if at that time, I couldn't... feel it.

[catcameback]

That's understandable. I missed mine too. That's why I got another one. I cheated, though, didn't I? Not Medals, but Switches. And crabby had told me I was going to be, like, a dog or something. But I just turned back into me, only with a star pattern etched in front.

Oh. Shit, am I crying? It's not like flying was I think I could do, or would understand how to miss it. But, I can understand. I miss the grace that I used to have no matter which form I was in. I can still access it, but it's not the same, mostly because I can't exactly go around in my other form. I'm trying not to be a villain.

I crouch down a bit again, only to hug him again. He's warm. I'm warm. We're alive and real and human.

"I understand." I need to talk to the crab. If I can get him wings... I know I'll do it.