dinohouse | For Joe and Marvey.

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For Joe and Marvey.

I've been waiting to meet Joe Gibken. It's a strangely evocative name. Any mention of him has begun to provoke memories that weren't quite there before; soft skin, silky hair, full lips. Tragedy. Parting. Soldiers, boots, coming towards us. I have no idea how much of this is real (though none of it in this current existence of mine) and how much is fancy brought on by the idea of his being my fated love in every lifetime but this one.

Marvelous wouldn't hear of my meeting him alone, so we've arranged for it to be the three of us. I need to see Joe.

I need to know all about him.

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I cast a side glance at Marvelous, but we can discuss this later. Now that he's broken the ice on that score, I can at least make my point.

"It's been explained to me who you are and what I meant to you. I was brought here to see that you're all right. You are, aren't you? Is there anything you need?"

I offer him my warmest smile. He's not being at all amiable; but being in Zangyack can do that to you. The boy must have a good heart. He's the love of every life of every other me.

I take another step back, dropping my head. I can't look at him, looking at me like that. The headache is coming back, worse than ever, pounding at the base of my skull like a hammer.

He might be a little younger than the sempai I knew, but his voice is the same, his demeanor except for that weird deference to a young Marvelous (what is that even about?) and he's worried about me?

Am I alright?

I laugh, a sick choked sound, and then I feel sick.

I'm not alright, no. Not at all.

"I need to sit down."

He doesn't look at all well. Perhaps he's ill and I caught him at a bad time, "of course. Let me help you." I guide him over to sit on the steps outside a nearby building, "are you sick? Should we take you home?"

I almost don't want him to touch me. He can't be real, but there he is, touching me, being as gentle with me as he ever was.

I duck my head between my knees and try to breathe, and I remember another time, trying to breathe, only then it was because of pain, terrible pain in my chest, and Sid was there, Sid was the only one who came for me.

A soldier's memory. A pirate's memory too.

"Why are you here?" I whine pathetically towards the ground. "What are you supposed to do?"

I've been wary of breaching the subject of time and his being the Singularity. I haven't been advised as to whether he knows this is the case, so I tread more cautiously around the subject.

"We were advised that you were ... in need of help. So I'm here to do what I can for you. If you're struggling, I can support you. I am not the same incarnation of the person you knew, but I've been told how much he meant to you. Let me help you, Joe." I reach for one of his limp little hands.

I'll deal with Marvelous later.

I start when he takes my hand, standing up and swaying and feeling ill again, but I can't...

I can't let anything happen to him, not again, not even if he's sleeping with Marvelous and he's just here to... to help me.

"Helping me is what gets you killed." I manage to grate out flatly. "Helping me is the last thing you want to do."

I stretch out an arm, ready to catch him if he falls, "I ran away from Zangyack to be with a pirate. You think I'm too worried about myself?" He doesn't yet know that I did that in this timeline, "I did do that," I clarify.

I notice his arms come out, it's like a reflex, but I know that this reflex isn't meant for me. It's meant for some other Marvelous.

Ran away from Zangyack. To be with a pirate. So this is what would have happened to Sid-sempai if I hadn't gotten in the way. I shake my head and back away, stumbling a bit but managing to stay upright.

"Yeah, well, that... That must have worked out for you, but this won't. Me, I won't. Okay? I'm dangerous."

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic, Joe. I am used to danger. I agreed to come here to help you, so please, let me be the judge of the risks I take." I look back at Marvelous, then take another step towards Joe, "would you like us to take you home?"

"Dramatic?" I scoff, more of a harsh single-note laugh than anything, and shake my head. "I don't know who brought you here, or why, but they can't have any idea about... About everything that I'm trying to deal with." I take another step away from him, noticing the way he glances almost in deferment to Marvelous before he tries to follow me. "I can get home on my own."

I think Marvelous is on the edge of doing something rash; and Joe, clearly, has his own problems at the moment.

"Very well, Joe, but won't you accept my contact information? You may want it." I hold out a sheet of paper on which I've written my details. It's folded so as to conceal the letter I wrote to Joe, asking to meet him privately.

I won't hide from Marvelous where I'm going, but Joe and I need to speak together alone. The letter expresses some of the details of my meeting with Ryoutarou and the others; that I was summoned from time to support Joe and help him with anything he may need. I explain on the pages that I am eager to know him and to hear about our love.

I almost refuse even that much. It's not that I don't need him around, or want him around, or anything other than the fact that I know, somehow, if he gets himself involved with me, he's going to end up hurt. Maybe dead. Again. And it will be my fault, just like it was the first time, or times, or whatever. Just like with Gai.

I glance at Marvelous again, then shrug and take the offered paper. "Fine."

How is my life so thoroughly screwed up?

"Thank you. Just think about it, please, and you know where we'll be if you want us." I rejoin Marvelous and bow my head slightly to Joe.

"Well," I say, my voice flat. I cross my arms over my chest, and stare blankly at Sid. "That went well."

"Give him some time, Marvelous. He's frightened and alone." I pet Marvelous's arm awkwardly, "come along. I'm buying you lunch."

My stomach rumbles at the mention of food, and I spend maybe a handful of seconds staying irritated before I soften, reaching for Sid's hand and gripping it tightly

"Curry?" I ask, hope in my eyes.

"Why not? We'll find a restaurant." I clasp my fingers around his and lead him along the street. I do hope we can find one of those 'all you can eat' deals. We may need it.

I am feeling better now that Joe isn't around. I'm not sure why I wanted to be there for that awkward scene (yes I am, I wanted to make sure Sid wasn't going to run off into the night. ...he's done it before). I'm sure I'll be feeling even more better once I've got a plate of food in front of me.

"Are you happy?" I glance at him, then pause, then decide to add to that question, since it was pretty vague and I want to be more specific. "Now that you got to see him?"

"I wouldn't call it happiness, any more than I would be happy to see you in such a condition. He's scared and alone. I wouldn't wish that on anyone." After a moment's reflection I continue "but yes, I'm glad we met him. I hope he'll come to us if he needs something."

I soften slightly, feeling oddly... I hesitate to say humbled, since I will still fight this Joe Gibken if ever he tries to disrupt what I have with Sid, but I...

I also felt drawn to him. In a weird way. It has me curious.

"Sid..." I hesitate. Chewing my bottom lip for a moment. I'm so much better at deep conversation once I've gotten a few plates of food in my stomach.

"Yes?" I squeeze his little hand reassuringly. I know he didn't mean to upset Joe. I'm sure that over time, Marvelous will want to know Joe better; he's a good kid. I'll find somewhere nice to take him for lunch.

I hum thoughtfully, returning the little hand squeeze. "I just... he seemed like he knew me?"

I chew my lip a bit more, though I manage to stop before I make myself bleed. "It kinda felt like I've met him too."

"Don't eat yourself, Marvelous. We'll buy food soon." I drape my free arm around him.

Oh, that's an interesting thought, "perhaps you have. If you know me in this lifetime, you may have known me in another, and perhaps through me, Joe."

I lean into him when his arm flops over me, feeling a bubble of happiness well up inside me because he still loves me. He does.

"Will you..." I groan, because asking this would mean I give him 'permission' to see Gibken again, and I just... I don't want to lose him.

"Nevermind," I shake my head firmly, then nod, then look at him with a smile. "It's not really important. Just please feed me."

I fuss over him some more and eventually find a place that does curry. Five or six plates for him, and one for me is enough to start with. It's just as well we have plenty of plunder.

I don't want him to feel pushed out by Joe. They are both beautiful, both very special to me. But Marvelous thinks like a pirate; like I'm some very precious jewel he must protect from any interloper. I'm honoured that he values me so highly, but I don't want him to intimidate Joe.

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