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Eti's moved behind us, too. But I can't tell any more where the threat's coming from. Who's being protected. Who's in the most danger.

I don't want Kuroki taken apart. I don't want Emi frightened into helping.

I don't think either will happen, but it's difficult not to be aware of all these possibilities humming around us.

I keep my eyes on Emi's, but he drops his. I frown. "If we stop attacking Vaglass, you'll try to spare our lives?" Is that what he's saying?

"That's what I said," I pause for a moment, then manage to look up to his eyes again. It's hard, I just wish I knew why. "'iromu."

My brother makes a strangled sound in the doorway, and I tear my eyes away from Hiromu's to watch him take a step back, behind Kuroki again, to the wall, where he slumps as if stricken. I almost leap to his defense, though I haven't got a clue what could be hurting him in such a way, but I'm sure any moves I make now would be seen only as threatening.

"I'm fine," he mutters after a moment. "Just. Dieu soit maudit." He has a hand over his eyes. I imagine my words were hard for him to hear.

...that lilt in his voice.

I'm catapaulted back thirteen years ago, when he first said my name. I was completely, solemnly fascinated by how different it sounded. How he made it sound special, just between him and me.

I cast a look back at Eti, horrified by his reaction, but the commander's crouching next to him. I can talk to Eti later.

"We can't stop fighting," I tell Emi -- because he's Emi right now, definitely not Enter -- quietly, seriously.

He's so stupid. So trusting. I look up at him, and now I can meet his eyes. Because now I know it's irrelevant.

"Neither can I." I respond seriously.

My brother makes another, smaller strangled sound, but this time I don't look at him.

Something's broken in him, and I don't know if it was a good break or a bad break. He's looking at me just fine now.

Probably bad.

"We can't stop fighting you just because you promise to spare us," I say, feeling unutterably tired. "I know that's a concession, Emi. But we can't. We can't let innocents get hurt."

I shrug at his dire pronouncement, then look away again. Turn away, actually, turn my back on him and the whole ridiculous notion of family.

"Then I hardly doubt Messiah will ever be willing to spare your lives."

I do glance around when the door opens, and Etienne leaves the room. It makes me ache, but the truth hurts, I suppose.

...shit, what do I do now.

I don't want to leave Emi, but Eti's so upset.

"We need Messiah to stop. That simple, that hard. Just stop." I do reach out and touch him, briefly, my hand on his heart. "To let us all live as we should."

I turn again to Hiromu, expecting him to leave to my brother's aid, but he doesn't. Not immediately, anyway. He keeps his attention on me, even has the audacity to touch my chest, and I don't have the drive to shove him away, or even to knock his hand away.

"Messiah has my body, Hiromu." I tell him. No point in playing coy, or pulling punches. "It is the only thing keeping me alive. I can't disobey Messiah."

I shudder a little, because it's a horrible thought. His body...

"Then we have to work on freeing your body."

"Pas possible." I growl. "It will not happen. Stop. Stop trying to be a hero, Hiromu. You can't save everyone. Cut your losses. Do it now, before you get hurt."

I wonder if I'm even talking about myself anymore.

I grin, because I have him now. "I don't care if I get hurt. I care if I give up."

I narrow my eyes. "I'm not giving up, Emeric. Not ever. We will save you."

"You have already failed!"

Probably dangerous. Probably a problem. Probably not going to end well, but I lunge at him, slamming him to the floor.

I can't teleport, I can't access the subdimension directly, but I still have access to certain modifications. The blade slides out, caressing the back of my hand, my thumb and last finger framing it gently. I press the sharp edge to Hiromu's throat, and wait for Kuroki to shoot me.

"Now? Even now you will save me?"

He shouts, then hurls himself at me. Thanks to my speed, I see it, but he's too close and I don't have room, I can't get out of the way.

My back and shoulders slam into the floor, hard, and I oof into his face.

There's a knife to my throat, and Kuroki's growling a threat behind Enter. I gaze up at him, anger flaring in my eyes, but I'm not about to back down. "Always."

I snarl, but the fight has left me as quickly as it came. I hiss, more at myself than at either of them, and crawl away from him, making sure to shove him as far away from me as I can as I go.

"Go away. Go! If you're not going to finish it, then just leave."

The commander's telling him to stand down. Emi backs off, shoving me hard back into the wall.

I get to my feet, watching him warily. "Yoko's more mature than you are, some days," I observe. "I'll leave if you really want me to. But I'm coming back."

I ignore him. Maybe that will work. I fix my eyes on Kuroki instead.

"Take him out of here, Kuroki. Take him away, or I really will kill him next time, and force your hand."

I turn away again, arms crossed. "Go see to my brother, Hiromu."

Hiromu doesn't believe that Enter might kill him.

I... I don't think I do, either, but I don't want to push him. He's incredibly dangerous. "Hiromu," I rumble.

Hiromu nods, touches Enter's shoulder fleetingly, then heads over to the door with me.

I probably should have been stronger, or better, or... or better able to deal with. I probably shouldn't have walked out like that.

Well, too late now. I did. I can't go back now. I didn't get far, though, just out into the hallway where I slumped to the floor, put my head to my knees, and tried to calm down.

The Commander puts more guards around Enter's cell, warning them to be careful of their own safety as well.

I sit down next to Eti. The Commander says, "Both of you. Be careful. See the doctor if you need to. Hiromu. Look after him."

Then he walks off, and you can practically see the grey cloud trailing behind him.

I look up when they leave the room, manage to get my face into some semblance of order, and even nod at the commander's orders. Hell, I even manage a pathetic excuse for a salute. It's better than nothing.

But as soon as he's gone, I look at Hiromu for only a second before I dissolve.

I'm not crying.

Yet.

"I don't think it's really him, though, Hiromu, I really don't." I whimper at last.

Eti looks like hell, and I'm about to observe that with some alarm when he loses it.

I tchh, and wrap my arms around him. I know how to do this, at least. People are hard. Upset is hard. Hugging is easy.

He's incredibly tense.

"Why?" I ask softly.

"It's just wrong. He's so... wrong."

It's hard to put into words. What do I know about my brother, really? Who am I to decide how he should or shouldn't be after thirteen years, never mind the hellish thirteen years he and I actually got, on either side of a drastic divide.

"The way he moves, and the way he thinks. The way he talks, it's like he's more machine than anything else. He's..."

I hesitate. I don't think Hiromu will like what I have to say, but he did ask.

"He's so broken. Is it possible? For a person to be broken beyond fixing?"

I flinch at his last words. "No. No, it's not," I say firmly, more because I want it to be true than because I know it is.

Wanting can make it happen.

"Everyone has scars, Eti," I say softly. "His are deeper than most people's. But we can still help him."

"How?" I ask finally. "How do we help him when he so obviously doesn't want it?"

Unless he's lying. Would my brother lie to me? To Hiromu?

Does he want to be saved?

"I'm so tired, Hiromu."

Edited 2012-11-15 16:07 (UTC)

"We just keep trying," I say, shrugging. "I wish I had better answers, but that's all I know. We just keep trying. We don't give up."

............I cup his cheek briefly. "Why don't you go and sleep, Eti?" I ask, voice gentle. "I can stay here."

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