"That's right," I say, casting a look at Takosawa. I wish I knew if he supported this. He's incredibly easy to read sometimes, when he's sobbing on my carpet about Eti. Other times he's so... so internal.
I lay a hand very gently, very lightly on Emi's shoulder from behind. "I do. We lost you that day, and you lost us."
"You will never understand the meaning of the world futility, will you, Hiromu?"
Takosawa grumbles again and I glance over at him. I wonder what's going on in that mechanized head of his. Guilt? Doubtful. Worry for my brother, much more probable. Something else entirely? Who knows.
"No, I don't suppose I will, since if it were easy I would have succeeded in disposing of you already."
"I don't think this is futile," I say after a pause.
I grin at his second comment. "I'm not that easy to get rid of, no. Emi? If you didn't have any restraints on you, if you could do what you wanted, what would that be?"
"But it is, I have told you countless times and for an excess of reasons why your actions are futile and yet. You. Persist."
He's asking questions now, and I frown at him and spread my arms, wagging my fingers. "I am not restrained, Hiromu, you made sure of that. Though if you are implying a theoretical scenario in which I was allowed free reign to do as I pleased, I am quite sure I would leave."
"You're smart, but you're not always right," I say cheerfully. "Yes, I do mean that. Not physical restraints. But I mean what if you didn't have an obligation to Messiah, what if you had your own body? What would you want to do? Where would you stay, how would you spend your days?"
"Yes, and that's the long term goal," I say calmly, probably pissing him off, but what else is new. "You have to work out what to do day to day that's achievable that will get you there."
"If we can rescue your body -- when we rescue your body, and permanently disconnect you from Messiah. Not easy, no, but fixed."
I cringe a little at that, I have to admit. I'm not one to have stupid big romantic dreams, generally speaking. I have my principles that I stick to, and I fight against anything that tries to stop me.
But that comment did hit home. "No," I say quietly. "No, I don't think that. But your life will be yours again."
I roll my eyes at him again. "What makes you think it's possible for me to regain control of my body? What if my body can't be saved, Hiromu, what then?"
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Date: 2012-11-18 06:36 am (UTC)I raise an eyebrow at that, though. "You admit then, that a loss has occurred."
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Date: 2012-11-18 06:45 am (UTC)I lay a hand very gently, very lightly on Emi's shoulder from behind. "I do. We lost you that day, and you lost us."
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Date: 2012-11-18 06:49 am (UTC)I scoff when he touches me, but I don't bother shrugging his hand off my shoulder.
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Date: 2012-11-18 06:52 am (UTC)"You're my friend. Or I'm yours," I say after a pause. "Whichever one means that I see you like that whether or not you see me the same way."
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Date: 2012-11-18 07:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-18 11:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-18 03:55 pm (UTC)Takosawa grumbles again and I glance over at him. I wonder what's going on in that mechanized head of his. Guilt? Doubtful. Worry for my brother, much more probable. Something else entirely? Who knows.
"No, I don't suppose I will, since if it were easy I would have succeeded in disposing of you already."
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Date: 2012-11-19 02:34 am (UTC)I grin at his second comment. "I'm not that easy to get rid of, no. Emi? If you didn't have any restraints on you, if you could do what you wanted, what would that be?"
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Date: 2012-11-19 04:05 am (UTC)He's asking questions now, and I frown at him and spread my arms, wagging my fingers. "I am not restrained, Hiromu, you made sure of that. Though if you are implying a theoretical scenario in which I was allowed free reign to do as I pleased, I am quite sure I would leave."
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Date: 2012-11-19 08:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-19 11:02 pm (UTC)"I am not going to play your frivolous game of what if, Hiromu. That is not the truth, not the reality, not the simple way it is."
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Date: 2012-11-20 10:59 am (UTC)I don't really indulge in wishful thinking. Just in goals. Define your goal, work towards it.
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Date: 2012-11-20 12:07 pm (UTC)He is deranged.
"All I have wanted for the past thirteen years is to protect my brother, Hiromu."
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Date: 2012-11-24 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-25 01:07 am (UTC)"I have already been doing all that I can, Hiromu, remember, that's why I'm the bad guy."
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Date: 2012-11-25 02:05 am (UTC)I know this sounds stupid, but I don't know if I've ever meant anything more in my life. "You don't have to fit that role. You're you."
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Date: 2012-11-25 03:57 am (UTC)Fine.
"This isn't a game. I can't imagine what I would do if I weren't beholden to Messiah. The fact of the matter is that I am."
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Date: 2012-11-25 05:17 am (UTC)"We'll fix that. Sooner or later," I say, not budging at all. "Don't worry, Emi."
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Date: 2012-11-25 05:21 am (UTC)I turn to look right at him, to meet his eyes with mine. "Do you think, if you destroy Messiah, it will simply release me into your waiting arms?"
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Date: 2012-11-25 05:25 am (UTC)I cringe a little at that, I have to admit. I'm not one to have stupid big romantic dreams, generally speaking. I have my principles that I stick to, and I fight against anything that tries to stop me.
But that comment did hit home. "No," I say quietly. "No, I don't think that. But your life will be yours again."
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Date: 2012-11-25 05:27 am (UTC)Warning.
"If Messiah is to be destroyed, it will take me with it."
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Date: 2012-11-25 05:29 am (UTC)"Is that a threat? Or a fact?"
Some kind of self-destruct?
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Date: 2012-11-25 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-25 05:45 am (UTC)"Then we need more information," I say plainly. "You're in avatar form. When you have control of your own body again things will be different."
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Date: 2012-11-25 05:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
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