How... How could I ever begin to match that. How could I ever hope to give him one half, one tenth, of what he has given me?
I played lord for so long, loathing but resigned to the necessity of others devoting themselves to me, to my safety. I am lord in truth now, and Genta is dedicated to me both for that reason and because he... because he loves me for myself, and it is too much. I am not worthy.
No. I am not worthy.
But I must be. For he thinks me to be, and because I will not hurt him again by appearing to waver.
"I am indeed fortunate to have you in my life," I say softly. "I can neither thank you enough for all that you do, or apologise enough for all the pain I have caused you. I... I have always loved you, I think, but it took your words on the holiday for me to realise it initially, and your apparent danger for me to accept it this time."
I stroke his hair back behind his ear, fixating on it instead of the roughness of my voice. I will not waver. I will be honest, will answer his strength-in-vulnerability with myself. "I did not stop loving you. I do not believe myself capable. Other... other matters blocked it out for a time, and in my foolishness I allowed it."
I press my lips to his forehead, exulting in the feel of him. In his life, which he has chosen to share with me. "Do not, I entreat you, speak of death, however. You are not allowed to die. I command it."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-09-24 04:42 am (UTC)I played lord for so long, loathing but resigned to the necessity of others devoting themselves to me, to my safety. I am lord in truth now, and Genta is dedicated to me both for that reason and because he... because he loves me for myself, and it is too much. I am not worthy.
No. I am not worthy.
But I must be. For he thinks me to be, and because I will not hurt him again by appearing to waver.
"I am indeed fortunate to have you in my life," I say softly. "I can neither thank you enough for all that you do, or apologise enough for all the pain I have caused you. I... I have always loved you, I think, but it took your words on the holiday for me to realise it initially, and your apparent danger for me to accept it this time."
I stroke his hair back behind his ear, fixating on it instead of the roughness of my voice. I will not waver. I will be honest, will answer his strength-in-vulnerability with myself. "I did not stop loving you. I do not believe myself capable. Other... other matters blocked it out for a time, and in my foolishness I allowed it."
I press my lips to his forehead, exulting in the feel of him. In his life, which he has chosen to share with me. "Do not, I entreat you, speak of death, however. You are not allowed to die. I command it."