I wish I could soothe him, but stroking his fluffy hair back from his brow only does so much, and then it just bounces back into place like I'd never touched it. I sit him up, patting his shoulder with a firm grip.
"Don't-- don't call her, Gotou," I ask him, smiling - and letting it be my real smile, the sad but happy one. The one that's not so easy, and not so black-and-white. "We can sit on the couch, you're right, this isn't any comfortable here. This windowsill is good at what it does, but not at being a chair." Leading him by the hand, I start to cross the office with him, heading for a duplicate of the couch where Satonaka-chan has spent so much of her time while employed by Kougami.
"I only said hours because it is possible. But I've known for months, and I'm still here. Please...don't look at me like I'm already dead, Gotou-chan. I've been trying so hard not to tell you because..."
It's hard, but I meet his gaze, sitting down on the couch and, still holding his hand, tugging gently to encourage him to sit beside me. I'm looking up at him, the only way that that's possible given our standing heights, and he looks sad enough to cry. It's breaking my heart.
"Because I didn't want exactly this. I didn't want to make you so sad."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-09-30 10:56 pm (UTC)"Don't-- don't call her, Gotou," I ask him, smiling - and letting it be my real smile, the sad but happy one. The one that's not so easy, and not so black-and-white. "We can sit on the couch, you're right, this isn't any comfortable here. This windowsill is good at what it does, but not at being a chair." Leading him by the hand, I start to cross the office with him, heading for a duplicate of the couch where Satonaka-chan has spent so much of her time while employed by Kougami.
"I only said hours because it is possible. But I've known for months, and I'm still here. Please...don't look at me like I'm already dead, Gotou-chan. I've been trying so hard not to tell you because..."
It's hard, but I meet his gaze, sitting down on the couch and, still holding his hand, tugging gently to encourage him to sit beside me. I'm looking up at him, the only way that that's possible given our standing heights, and he looks sad enough to cry. It's breaking my heart.
"Because I didn't want exactly this. I didn't want to make you so sad."