He's continuing to hop topics, which is making it challenging for me to keep up with the focus of his attention. So I'm going to explain that I didn't have the key made, just had Satonaka-chan prepare a way for him to access it and me to be unable to; and then I'm going to rewind a bit and explain that I didn't steal our cab ride, I paid the driver while Gotou-chan was still dozing on my shoulder.
But then he says he forgives me, in a manner approximately just as blunt as he guessed what I was dancing around back in the office, and my heart drops a little, hearing it said in quite that way from his mouth.
"Because you have bits of a bullet stuck in your brain."
I have just enough time to think about how desperately I didn't want to become that to him, the crippled one, for whom allowances must be made because Great Tragedy will eventually befall him. I would happily be a lot of things in Gotou-chan's eyes, but not that. Never that. But I am now, forevermore, only that.
And almost as soon as the thought forms in my head, before I've got time to feel the associated crushing disappointment, it's stunned right back out; he grabs my neck, yanks, pulls me down onto the pillow beside him, dragging me close, pulling my face against his.
I-- I think he was trying to get me to kiss him again! -or to kiss me. I'm rather sure there was a kissing intent in there somewhere!!
His aim was rather off, though, and I'm working on gently putting distance between us, he doesn't know what he's doing--
And then he's throwing me another curveball, except this one's less comical and more like a fierce, brutal punch to the gut, and the alcohol I drank is suddenly very much affecting me and I might have to go out on the staircase, actually, to get some fresh air and perhaps throw up.
"You don't call me Gotou-chan anymore," he says, and I can't even begin to process how to answer that. I fishmouth at him from a distance of far too close for my sense of chivalry and moral upstandingness and ability-to-resist-imminent-kissing-from-drunk-junior-partner-who-will-most-certainly-regret-it-in-the-morning.
Does he mean he wants me to? Or has noticed I'm not and wants me to return to it? Is the surname the issue, or does he think that my unintentional slips without the honorific, earlier in the night, mean something different than how I intended them? And he's drunk, I can't have this conversation with him now, I can't trust anything he'll grant me now, and he's too polite to contradict me later, and--
I swallow, hard, and my nose bumps against his just from that motion. Oh, gods.
(no, I'm not calling you Gotou-chan anymore, and yes, I keep omitting the honorific, because I want to be calling you Shintaro, you impossible man, but how do I tell you that?)
"Should I?" I ask, trying to put levity in my voice, ending up just sounding scared.
Note to self, if my heart makes it through this night: Don't get Gotou-chan drunk. It's really not good for my blood pressure.
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timeasmymeasure
[Date has lost the ability to preserve food in cylindrical containers. HAVE A CARE, GOTOU-CHAN]
Date: 2012-10-04 05:26 am (UTC)But then he says he forgives me, in a manner approximately just as blunt as he guessed what I was dancing around back in the office, and my heart drops a little, hearing it said in quite that way from his mouth.
"Because you have bits of a bullet stuck in your brain."
I have just enough time to think about how desperately I didn't want to become that to him, the crippled one, for whom allowances must be made because Great Tragedy will eventually befall him. I would happily be a lot of things in Gotou-chan's eyes, but not that. Never that. But I am now, forevermore, only that.
And almost as soon as the thought forms in my head, before I've got time to feel the associated crushing disappointment, it's stunned right back out; he grabs my neck, yanks, pulls me down onto the pillow beside him, dragging me close, pulling my face against his.
I-- I think he was trying to get me to kiss him again! -or to kiss me. I'm rather sure there was a kissing intent in there somewhere!!
His aim was rather off, though, and I'm working on gently putting distance between us, he doesn't know what he's doing--
And then he's throwing me another curveball, except this one's less comical and more like a fierce, brutal punch to the gut, and the alcohol I drank is suddenly very much affecting me and I might have to go out on the staircase, actually, to get some fresh air and perhaps throw up.
"You don't call me Gotou-chan anymore," he says, and I can't even begin to process how to answer that. I fishmouth at him from a distance of far too close for my sense of chivalry and moral upstandingness and ability-to-resist-imminent-kissing-from-drunk-junior-partner-who-will-most-certainly-regret-it-in-the-morning.
Does he mean he wants me to? Or has noticed I'm not and wants me to return to it? Is the surname the issue, or does he think that my unintentional slips without the honorific, earlier in the night, mean something different than how I intended them? And he's drunk, I can't have this conversation with him now, I can't trust anything he'll grant me now, and he's too polite to contradict me later, and--
I swallow, hard, and my nose bumps against his just from that motion. Oh, gods.
(no, I'm not calling you Gotou-chan anymore, and yes, I keep omitting the honorific, because I want to be calling you Shintaro, you impossible man, but how do I tell you that?)
"Should I?" I ask, trying to put levity in my voice, ending up just sounding scared.
Note to self, if my heart makes it through this night: Don't get Gotou-chan drunk. It's really not good for my blood pressure.