I'm ashamed to report that my breath catches in my throat when Gotou-chan wraps his arm around me. I've been replaying the whole night in my head all during my run, and it's all settled into clear definition by now.
I told him about the bullet. I told him I loved him. I kissed him, took him out to dinner and got him inebriated, took him back to my apartment and kissed him more. I presumed familiarity without permission, and if I hadn't stopped myself, I would have...gone rather further along than we did.
"You got drunk because I told you I'm wounded," I correct him, my tone firm though weary. I can't say 'dying,' not right now, not ever perhaps. Like I told him earlier, I don't want to think of it that way. It will only upset those around me, and it won't change the facts.
I had almost forgotten about all that, though. Funny how a bullet in your brain is a less pressing matter of attention than the lower lip of the beautifully handsome man in my company.
To whom I still must force myself to make clear my point. I can't let him pretend away the necessity that I apologize for my actions.
"I wasn't considerate of your feelings and then I forced myself on you after promising that I wouldn't, even if you didn't return my feelings."
"I acted poorly, Gotou-chan, and you deserve better."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-10-20 08:57 pm (UTC)I told him about the bullet. I told him I loved him. I kissed him, took him out to dinner and got him inebriated, took him back to my apartment and kissed him more. I presumed familiarity without permission, and if I hadn't stopped myself, I would have...gone rather further along than we did.
"You got drunk because I told you I'm wounded," I correct him, my tone firm though weary. I can't say 'dying,' not right now, not ever perhaps. Like I told him earlier, I don't want to think of it that way. It will only upset those around me, and it won't change the facts.
I had almost forgotten about all that, though. Funny how a bullet in your brain is a less pressing matter of attention than the lower lip of the beautifully handsome man in my company.
To whom I still must force myself to make clear my point. I can't let him pretend away the necessity that I apologize for my actions.
"I wasn't considerate of your feelings and then I forced myself on you after promising that I wouldn't, even if you didn't return my feelings."
"I acted poorly, Gotou-chan, and you deserve better."