He hasn't said it in words. He hasn't seen, or perhaps understood, that I saw a 'no' in his actions. That this, now, his mouth lifting to mine, is both baffling and the most sweetly clarifying explanation.
I still don't understand what's been going through his head all evening. Perhaps I understand even less than I thought I did. But I know what this kiss says. I'm not so stuck in scolding myself for poor action that I can't hear him loud and clear now.
I love you, his kiss is saying. I don't know anything more than that, but now I do know that. Now, he's sober, he's had time to think, he's acting of his own will and not guilt for my life or loopiness of alcohol. He's kissing me, and the kiss says I love you.
I lift one crooked knuckle to the underside of his chin, tipping it up ever so gently, letting my eyes slide shut on a blissful sigh. My free hand rises to cup the back of his head, fingers lost in the thickness of his dark curls, and with the tip of my tongue I nudge his lips apart and lose myself in his mouth, his kiss, this single moment.
Finally, after night so long it's become morning, hours we traced on a labyrinth path through the city's nighttime should-haves and couldn't-be's, the air is clear and everything is crisp and oh so calm inside my mind. There's no over-thinking, no worry, no fear, no burden or guilt. Gotou-chan is kissing me, Gotou-chan loves me.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-10-20 10:17 pm (UTC)I still don't understand what's been going through his head all evening. Perhaps I understand even less than I thought I did. But I know what this kiss says. I'm not so stuck in scolding myself for poor action that I can't hear him loud and clear now.
I love you, his kiss is saying. I don't know anything more than that, but now I do know that. Now, he's sober, he's had time to think, he's acting of his own will and not guilt for my life or loopiness of alcohol. He's kissing me, and the kiss says I love you.
I lift one crooked knuckle to the underside of his chin, tipping it up ever so gently, letting my eyes slide shut on a blissful sigh. My free hand rises to cup the back of his head, fingers lost in the thickness of his dark curls, and with the tip of my tongue I nudge his lips apart and lose myself in his mouth, his kiss, this single moment.
Finally, after night so long it's become morning, hours we traced on a labyrinth path through the city's nighttime should-haves and couldn't-be's, the air is clear and everything is crisp and oh so calm inside my mind. There's no over-thinking, no worry, no fear, no burden or guilt. Gotou-chan is kissing me, Gotou-chan loves me.
No regrets.