[Mushverse: Ankh and Eiji, also open to other Greeed]

[catcameback]

I'm not a total jerk. Ankh asked me to tell him if I found out about any of the others coming back the way we did.

I could just call, I guess, I have a phone and I know how to use it and it would be easy enough to find the number for that crazy restaurant they live in.

But I'm restless. Lots of stuff has been happening at home lately, and I kind of feel like if I don't give myself something to do, I might go out and start a fight. With the stupid guy who kidnapped Katsumi, or that stupid pirate jerk who screwed up Joe's entire state of being, or... God, the list is endless.

But I don't want to, so I look up the address to Cous Coussier and walk there instead, toying with my Switch as I walk. Not pressing it, just sort of rolling it between my fingers, and wondering whether I should tell any of the other Greeed about it.

Comments

[redgreeed]

I lean close to him when he closes his eyes, brushing noses with him, trying to coax his eyes back open. I want to meet his gaze, want to keep his eyes on mine.

I move a hand down to grip myself, fingers wrapping around my length. My lips part as I give myself a slow stroke. "Ah."

[hinooo]

...he's right there, he's right there and he's caressing himself. My breath stutters in my throat.

I add a third finger hastily, and lean forward to capture his lips with mine. "Ready," I gasp.

[redgreeed]

I whine into the kiss, my hips jerking a bit into my own hand. I pant softly against his lips when he gasps, trying to gather some sense of composure. My instincts are all warring inside me, but I asked Eiji to guide this. I want to look up at him.

I reluctantly move my hand away from myself and reach the short distance to him, sliding my hands over his skin, over his ribs to his back. I pull him to me, guiding him over me as I lie back.

I want him to make the move. I want him to guide himself onto me.

[hinooo]

He encourages me over him, and I lean down to kiss him briefly, achingly. His pupils are blown, he's all unguarded vulnerability and trust and I just want to stay here forever. Where it all makes sense, where nothing hurts, where I know exactly what I'm for.

I chew on my lower lip, prolonging the anticipation, then begin to work myself down onto his erection.

[redgreeed]

I stare up at him, watching as he looks down at him like I'm the center of his universe. I know he is mine, and something, some small part of me, tells me that's unhealthy, but I don't really care.

He chews on his lip and I'm distracted watching him. Even though I know what's coming it catches me off guard when Eiji starts to lower himself down, when he guides me inside him.

"Oh," I gasp, fighting against a sudden desire to jerk my hips forward.

Take it slow, take is slow, take it slow.

I reach up and grip at his hair, making sure our gazes stay locked so long as he doesn't close his eyes. My limbs are shaking with need, and all I can see is him. "Ei-Eiji..."

[hinooo]

I ease down onto him all the way to the base, breathing short sharp breaths through my nose to deal with the pressure, the way he's right on that one particular spot.

He's holding my hair. Laughing a little, breathlessly, I turn my head and press a kiss onto the delicate skin of his wrist.

[redgreeed]

There's heat and tightness and want and need and Eiji and I'm about to lose control, about to just jerk hard against him, into him.

He laughs lightly, and kisses my wrist, and my eyes have already started to sting. Hesitantly, and with as much care as I can manage, I move my hips. Testing. Seeing if that's okay.

[hinooo]

Ah, no, Ankh, don't cry...

"Oh," I gasp. "That's -- that's good."

I'm making inarticulate soft groans as he pushes up into me. I start meeting his rhythm. Harder's okay, Ankh. I've adjusted. Whatever you want.

[redgreeed]

I gasp, and groan, and grip at his hair as he starts moving with me. As we start to move together. It feels amazing, of course the physical, the actual act. The friction and the heat quickly setting a fire in my belly.

But there's more, there's being connected to Eiji like this. Being inside him, moving with him. There's a feeling here I can't articulate, maybe won't ever be able to.

I slide one hand out of Eiji's hair and to the small of his back, using gentle pressure to help guide our movements, help keep us moving together.

[hinooo]

This. This is simple, base, and perfect. Just like fighting. Just like sleeping.

I have him with me, inside me, and nothing else matters.

His hand's on my back now. I inhale unevenly, whispering his name again, as I start to pick up the pace. I won't break, Ankh.

[redgreeed]

Faster. Faster. He's moving faster and I find myself meeting his pace. Then going beyond it. I start to set the pace. I'm not confident that I won't hurt him, but I can't force myself to hold back anymore. I'm still careful, I'm just... slowly losing control.

"Eiji," saying his name always feels so comfortable, and in this context I need that comfort. That familiarity. My eyes are still stinging, and it's getting harder to see Eiji with any sort of clarity. He's all blurry, but he's still there, surrounding me. Making me feel needed and safe.

[hinooo]

He's hot and slick inside me and it's so exactly perfect. I can lose myself in this, except.

Except he doesn't sound right.

I manage to focus on him, and I reach out wordlessly to run a gentle thumb under his eyes.

[redgreeed]

I draw in a shaky breath as I move the hand still tangled in Eiji's hair down so that I can cup his hand against my cheek. I don't need him to brush my tears away. I think... I think maybe tears are needed right now, and I don't think they're necessarily bad.

I manage to smile up at him despite my tears, and I turn my head just long enough to press a kiss to his palm before I move my hand away, down between us. My hips jerk a little harder than I mean them to when I wrap my fingers around his hardness, a stuttered moan taking me.

[hinooo]

He holds my hand to his cheek, smiles, kisses me, then touches me.

I utter a strangled groan, and barely manage to keep my eyes open, as white hot sparks shoot directly to the base of my spine. "Won't... last long," I murmur in warning. "Let go, my... Ankh."

Him first. Has to be him first. Even if I break something.

[redgreeed]

The sound he makes when I touch him makes me gasp, makes my hips jerk hard again. My movements are starting to lose their rhythm.

He wants me to let go.

Very reluctantly I draw my hand away, sliding it back up him until it comes to rest over the back of his neck. I grip, I knead. I cry until I can barely see him anymore.

And then I let go.

My climax is punctuated with a shaky sob, my eyes finally closing. Tears finally falling, trailing slowly down my temples.

[hinooo]

He lets go, and I draw in a shuddery breath. His hand's on the back of my neck.

I twist as I come back down on him, groaning at the feel of him, then he finally tips over the edge. It takes barely a touch to myself before I follow, spurting hotly.

I sag on him for a moment, breathing hoarsely, then I gently disengage and do a rough cleanup.

I flop back down next to him, and gather him into my arms.

[redgreeed]

I curl against Eiji once he settles back down and draws me close, tucking myself in against his chest, my ear pressed to the center. His heart is beating a little faster than before, I'm sure mine is too, but it's still steady. Still solid.

"I'm sorry," my voice is raw, but at least I'm not crying anymore, though I'm sure there are still tears on my face. I'm not sure what I'm apologizing for. Maybe everything. Every time he got hurt because of me, every time I put him in danger or couldn't get him out of danger. For crying. For not being able to just talk to him sometimes. For leaving him. For needing him so badly.

For everything.

[hinooo]

He nestles in against me, ear to my chest, and I sigh in contentment at the feel of him. He's nearly as reassured by touch as I am, I think.

I press my lips to the top of his head, then rest my cheek on it. His hair's so soft.

I feel good, physically. The aftermath of what we just did, coupled with having him in my arms. But the easy part's over, and he's still upset, and I still can't help him.

"Why?" I murmur. "You are perfect."

[redgreeed]

I laugh slightly, quietly, shaking my head. There's nothing perfect about me. I failed at being a Greeed, and now I'm failing at being human. I don't know how to articulate what I'm feeling, not even to the one person that cares the most about me. The one person that really cares about me at all.

And this... this feels like a passing dream. Feels like it's already crumbling apart. When even Kazari notices something is wrong, that I'm upsetting someone who I should never upset, not anymore, not with how he makes me feel.

"Idiot." This, as always since I've revived, is said with deep affection.

[hinooo]

He laughs, and there's affection in it, amusement, but also... also a kind of hopelessness. Like he'll never be able to explain. Never be able to lean on me properly.

"Oi," I protest softly, lovingly. "I want to help. But I don't know how."

And isn't that terrifying.

[redgreeed]

I turn my head, shifting slightly against his chest so that I can look up at him, look at his face. His hair is all messy from sweat and sex (I'm sure mine doesn't look much better), his cheeks still slightly flushed. His heartbeat has settled, but his skin is still warm, almost hot.

This moment would be a perfect moment of quiet intimacy, if only I didn't feel like I'm falling apart. If only there weren't still salty trails down my temples. If only I could tell him I love him the way he tells me.

I do love him, don't I? That's why I... why I died for him.

I reach up and brush my fingers over Eiji's cheek, there's a little bit of stubble there, and the difference in texture feels interesting. Touching things, experiencing things, through my own body is still a trip sometimes. I don't understand how humans always take their senses for granted.

"I don't even really know what's wrong," I finally say, frowning apologetically at him. "It's not just one thing, it's all kinds of things. And I can't find the words for any of them."

[hinooo]

He shifts to look up at me, and I give him what's basically an embarrassed smile. I don't -- don't know what he sees, when he looks at me with that expression on his face, and it's intimidating sometimes. He touches my face, then eventually speaks.

This isn't one of those big and scary but simple things that can be fixed by beating a monster, or standing firm against someone being a jerk, or yelling at someone to do the right thing.

This is big, scary, and complicated, and he can't even tell me. Not really. I'd ask him about seeing a counsellor if said counsellor wouldn't ship him off to psychiatric hospital for his 'delusions' the moment he started talking.

"It makes sense that waking up suddenly human would be confusing," I offer tentatively. I'm not even sure if this is it. But I have to try. Have to reach out my hand to him. "Especially after what happened when we thought it was all over."

[redgreeed]

"It's upsetting you," I cup his cheek in my hand, brushing my thumb under his eye. I bite my lip, feeling that emotional stab of pain in my chest again. "I'm upsetting you."

The things I've been doing. The things I've been saying, or not saying. I'm hurting him. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve it.

He didn't deserve all the times he was injured either, and most of those were my fault. Is this guilt? Is that what this sickening feeling is in the pit of my stomach when I look at the lines of scars that dust his skin?

I look down, at one of the scars on his arm, and trace the line of it with my finger. I can't even remember when or why he got this one.

[hinooo]

"Ah, no, no, no," I protest instantly, noting at last the tear tracks on his face. "No, don't worry about me. I just want you to be okay."

And if I'm far too invested in him, well, that's my problem. Not his.

He runs a finger along a line of remembered pain on my arm, nothing much, and I look down. "That's old, and I'm fine," I say gently. "Ankh. Getting hurt is just part of being human. I accepted that a long time ago. Please don't worry about me."

[redgreeed]

"How is that fair?" I trace the line again, still trying to remember. Maybe it was before me, maybe I had nothing to do with this one. I still hate the thought of him in danger.

I don't ever want to lose him.

I take in a shaky breath and look back at his face. "How is it fair for you to worry so much about me, but I shouldn't worry about you?"