He's shaking, crumpling against the wall, and it's my doing. I reach one arm out carefully, folding his slight frame into my embrace. One hand ends up on top of his head, resting gently in his softly fluffy hair. "Gotou-chan..."
This next part isn't easy, and it's why I've been avoiding telling him anything all this time. Since before I came back, actually. Since I woke up in my recovery room and heard the verdict from my doctor.
"There's bullet fragments scattered through a large portion of my brain tissue," I explain, trying to be as blunt as possible, knowing information is his food, is his comfort. Hoping if I am straightforward, it'll help him understand.
"Most of them have extensive scar tissue built up around them. They're impossible to get out without cutting away the scarred area. The doctors were able to remove the bulk of the bullet, and some of the fragments, but others are less danger to me as they are than it would have been to operate on them."
I pause, letting him absorb that for a brief moment, while I get up the courage to tell him the rest. I don't like saying it out loud; Gotou's not the only one here who hates feeling helpless.
"Some of them, though, are both too far in to operate and too unstable to be considered safe. There is a chance one or more of them may dislodge, and..." I swallow. "Severing critical connections, or dislodging blood clots or other tissue blockages which can cause cranial blood flow irregularities, are two of the, ah. More probable end results."
"But!" I rush to finish, not wanting to let that grim forecast stand by itself. "They might not, too! I might yet live to a ripe old age, Gotou-chan. I'll be rolling about on the Caterpillar Leg long after you've retired with all your hard-earned pay."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-09-30 09:33 pm (UTC)This next part isn't easy, and it's why I've been avoiding telling him anything all this time. Since before I came back, actually. Since I woke up in my recovery room and heard the verdict from my doctor.
"There's bullet fragments scattered through a large portion of my brain tissue," I explain, trying to be as blunt as possible, knowing information is his food, is his comfort. Hoping if I am straightforward, it'll help him understand.
"Most of them have extensive scar tissue built up around them. They're impossible to get out without cutting away the scarred area. The doctors were able to remove the bulk of the bullet, and some of the fragments, but others are less danger to me as they are than it would have been to operate on them."
I pause, letting him absorb that for a brief moment, while I get up the courage to tell him the rest. I don't like saying it out loud; Gotou's not the only one here who hates feeling helpless.
"Some of them, though, are both too far in to operate and too unstable to be considered safe. There is a chance one or more of them may dislodge, and..." I swallow. "Severing critical connections, or dislodging blood clots or other tissue blockages which can cause cranial blood flow irregularities, are two of the, ah. More probable end results."
"But!" I rush to finish, not wanting to let that grim forecast stand by itself. "They might not, too! I might yet live to a ripe old age, Gotou-chan. I'll be rolling about on the Caterpillar Leg long after you've retired with all your hard-earned pay."