"You've got wrinkles, bags, and an angry knot in your brow," I sigh. It's almost terrible how much he's left himself go, but it's to be expected. The mission isn't an easy one.
I reach up without looking and gently grasp one of his wrists. "Jin." My voice is hoarse. I don't know if I could say this to his face. "Are you all right? The real you?"
That gave me a start, but I'm good at hiding it. To be honest I didn't think anyone was going to ask such a questions.
My body stands frozen for all of a few moments before I give a small laugh and pat his shoulder with the free hand.
"What? Of course. I wouldn't ever let anything happen to myself. It's not easy existing in subspace, but I'm managing it. Just keep focusing on what's important." Or else I might feel bad for not saying anything about my condition.
He's silent for a long moment, then pats my shoulder.
I near growl under my breath, mingled anger and worry and fear for him. "You're important, too," I say shortly. "And I don't believe you that everything's all right."
I don't know how bad it is. But I know he's quite good at lying.
"Kurorin," it may be a playful nickname, but I mean I'm serious at the moment. "Our comrades gave their lives for this mission. They're counting on us. I'll support in every way I can."
I stop there, looking at him with a serious gaze. Hopefully that's enough to remind him that I really am not important in comparison. I can't accept my own weakness. It's shameful, but I can't help it.
I slump, just a little. Another group of lives added to the weight on my shoulders. Ah, not because I'm arrogant enough to believe myself the most important person, or the best fighter, or at fault personally for everything that's gone wrong.
But I am in command, and I haven't found a way to stop Vaglass.
"I know you will," I say shortly. "And if I had to give the order to sacrifice you to save humanity, because there was no alternative, I'd do it. But Jin. All lives matter because every life matters, and that includes yours."
"Your words warm my displaced soul," I smile warmly. While saying it jokingly, I mean it. It's nice to know there is still at least one person who would miss me after everything is said and done. It would pain me to disappoint him, but I also do know he'd be able to get over it eventually if I could never come back.
I finally take my hands back and leave them at my sides.
"I'd prefer if we could take care of your displaced body," I say sourly, but it's not hard to read that there's some genuine emotion behind his words. He's a pain in my ass, but he's not that hard to read. Not if you know him well enough.
I wish I knew him well enough to know exactly what he's hiding.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-08 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-08 09:27 pm (UTC)I reach up without looking and gently grasp one of his wrists. "Jin." My voice is hoarse. I don't know if I could say this to his face. "Are you all right? The real you?"
no subject
Date: 2012-10-09 01:38 am (UTC)My body stands frozen for all of a few moments before I give a small laugh and pat his shoulder with the free hand.
"What? Of course. I wouldn't ever let anything happen to myself. It's not easy existing in subspace, but I'm managing it. Just keep focusing on what's important." Or else I might feel bad for not saying anything about my condition.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-09 11:03 am (UTC)I near growl under my breath, mingled anger and worry and fear for him. "You're important, too," I say shortly. "And I don't believe you that everything's all right."
I don't know how bad it is. But I know he's quite good at lying.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-10 06:23 am (UTC)I stop there, looking at him with a serious gaze. Hopefully that's enough to remind him that I really am not important in comparison. I can't accept my own weakness. It's shameful, but I can't help it.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-10 06:31 am (UTC)But I am in command, and I haven't found a way to stop Vaglass.
"I know you will," I say shortly. "And if I had to give the order to sacrifice you to save humanity, because there was no alternative, I'd do it. But Jin. All lives matter because every life matters, and that includes yours."
no subject
Date: 2012-10-13 05:54 am (UTC)I finally take my hands back and leave them at my sides.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-13 06:59 am (UTC)I wish I knew him well enough to know exactly what he's hiding.
"What's it like?" I ask softly.