[Mushverse] For Hakase, some time in the future

[treasureahoy]

My life as I know it is over. Now, I have to break the news to Hakase that so is his.

I'm not quite cruel enough to just leave a note on his pillow, and even then he'd only run all over the ship screaming about it. I'm just going to have to do this the hard way.

"HAKASE!"

Comments

[noteasybeinggreen]

I look up, and the mop overbalances in my arms, sending me skidding backwards. My foot lands in the bucket as I flail, and I sprawl on the floor.

"Luka?!"

[treasureahoy]

I sometimes wonder why I ever had anything to do with him. Especially that.

Seriously?

"We need to have a talk." And now I sound like a total drama queen. I drag him into the nearest room.

[noteasybeinggreen]

I limp along behind her squishily, and kind of drippily too.

We're in the bathroom. At least I can clean some more while we're here!

[treasureahoy]

Take a good look. This is what I've got myself into. I'm going to give birth to a small version of him. Who will probably be born with a dorky bow tie on.

I've got to just say it. Otherwise he won't get it and I'll be repeating myself all day. We need to work out what we're going to tell the others. I'm not showing yet but there's only so long you can get away with pretending it's a football under your shirt, "I'm having a baby. Not right this moment but, um, soon. I mean, I'm pregnant, and it's your fault. Your baby. Our baby."

Oh, that was smooth.

[noteasybeinggreen]

"You're having my baby?" I ask cheerfully. "But I don't have a baby. You must be mistaken, Luka, it's okay, it's an easy mistake to......."

I.

I.

I.

I blink at her helplessly. I must've heard wrong.

[treasureahoy]

What's he babbling about?

"You will. In nine months' time." A bit less than that now. Apparently I'm six weeks pregnant, "or seven and a half months, whatever. But what are we gonna DO? This is your fault." If he hadn't insisted on stupid sparkly condoms with pictures of unicorns on (literally) I might have been more inclined to want to use them.

[noteasybeinggreen]

...my foot lands in the bucket again but I can't care, I can't care, I can't care, I do NOT CAAAAAAAAARE, I

AM

GOING

TO

HAVE

A

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I'm making some kind of high pitched EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE sound of delight, and I'm pantomiming frantically at Luka about how this is wonderful and amazing and what we'll do is have a baby and I'll do all my share and most of hers if that makes her feel better WHATEVER SHE WANTS except my frantic pantomiming is probably coming off more like I'm flapping and trying to FLY WITHOUT WINGS which is just silly

well
unless you're a giant pirate ship

[treasureahoy]

What the hell?! Of all the reactions I could have imagined I wasn't expecting this one.

"Do you even understand what I'm saying? We'll never sleep again. There'll be baby puke everywhere!" And worse. Not so much happy ever after as dirty nappies ever after.

[noteasybeinggreen]

I extract the bucket from off my foot while hopping backwards, and promptly fall in the bath.

"It's WONDERFULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" I carol from where my butt's getting damp.

[treasureahoy]

"Yeah. Wonderful." He wouldn't be saying that if he were the one who's got to push out something the size of a watermelon. My train of thought goes from watermelon to food and I have to ask, "how are we gonna break this to Marvelous?"

I don't want to be homeless and pregnant with nought but my wits about me to support myself, my unborn child, and a dork.

[noteasybeinggreen]

I hop out and grab her in a HUG. A hug for Luka, for the person I love, for the most kick-bottom-y person EVER, for the lady WHO'S GOING TO HAVE OUR BABY.

"We'll just tell him! Hey, Marvelous! Luka's pregnant, isn't it wonderful! See?"

[treasureahoy]

"But babies scream. And puke. A lot. He's not going to be happy," I point out.

All the same, I'll hug Hakase. Maybe it's just the hormones making me slushy or something but he really really really badly wants us to have this baby. He'll be a good dad, even if I have to burn his bow ties. He loves our baby even though I only told him five minutes ago and we've still got a pretty long time to wait.

[noteasybeinggreen]

"He won't have to look after the baby," I say happily. "It'll all be fine. And if he complains about the baby crying too loudly, I'll knit him some earmuffs!"

Or a gag.

I hug her back, delightedly.

[treasureahoy]

He's still not going to like it, but ... we'll all have to adjust. Marvelous isn't going to kick me off the ship just because of this.

I hope.

"Bertha Hatstand has another appointment with the doctor tomorrow. You're coming," I inform Hakase. I don't know why I used my old stage name. I needed an alias, I guess; but it kind of fits since none of this would have happened if he hadn't gone to O'Fugly's looking for me.

[noteasybeinggreen]

"Yay," I say happily. "I'll read up all about pregnancy tonight so I can ask all the right questions! We want to make sure you're nice and comfortable, Luka!"

[treasureahoy]

Comfortable? Does he really think there's any way to make pushing out something of that size comfortable?

I can't be grumpy with him, though. He's trying. For better or worse, he's the father of my baby and he wants to be a good dad.

"Comfortable. Yeah." They can just toss a painkiller into my open mouth as I puke and writhe with agony.

[noteasybeinggreen]

"I'll make you heat packs, and I'll sew you special cushions so you'll be able to sleep and your ankles won't swell too much," I say happily. "Oh, Luka, this will be WONDERFUL."

[treasureahoy]

... Wait, my ankles are going to swell?

"It'll be difficult," I mumble but I give him a little kiss on the cheek all the same. It's good that he's so enthusiastic, I suppose. He's going to need plenty of energy when the baby arrives.

[noteasybeinggreen]

"I know, I know, but Marvelous won't be too bad, and Joe will be... will be Joe, and Ahim will be a big help, I'm sure," I say happily.

I'm sure Joe will be sympathetic. And happy. But things are still complicated there.

[treasureahoy]

Oh, yeah. Joe. Even at the best of times a baby would have made him uneasy, but now his reaction is basically going to be 'congratulations, blah blah blah, can I go back to my earthlings now?' And Ahim. I'd like a word or two with her about this. I told her Hakase was too much dork for me and she said I should give him a chance, next thing I know this happens.

"Joe. Yeah," I mumble. Well, he's chosen to turn his back on the crew so he can't just coo over my baby whenever he likes. Or in this case look horrified, make an awkward attempt to hold the baby, and then pass them back to me as soon as possible.