![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
[SIDETHREAD AU]
Nov. 28th, 2012 01:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
keijisanIt... had been a rough transition, to say the least.
I had come back to work after an extended leave to find the whole police force still mostly in an uproar about a threat that I couldn't really tell them they no longer had to worry about, and things were different, but the thing that had changed the most was myself, and maybe that was what was hardest.
It wasn't even my desire to do the work I do--that was as strong as ever. I see people differently now, with more clarity, which would be fine on its own. But the migraines and insomnia, the nightmares that aren't mine, the phantom-limb aches in wings that I no longer have... it's strange, that I welcome those things, if only because they're a reminder of him. I'm cold all the time anymore, even sitting as I am in my heated apartment.
It makes sense for Hina and Eiji to miss him. To explain why I do is... more complicated.
I had come back to work after an extended leave to find the whole police force still mostly in an uproar about a threat that I couldn't really tell them they no longer had to worry about, and things were different, but the thing that had changed the most was myself, and maybe that was what was hardest.
It wasn't even my desire to do the work I do--that was as strong as ever. I see people differently now, with more clarity, which would be fine on its own. But the migraines and insomnia, the nightmares that aren't mine, the phantom-limb aches in wings that I no longer have... it's strange, that I welcome those things, if only because they're a reminder of him. I'm cold all the time anymore, even sitting as I am in my heated apartment.
It makes sense for Hina and Eiji to miss him. To explain why I do is... more complicated.
