Mushball universe, anyone who'd like to talk to Jou

[yellowlion]

I sit on the grass in our rear yard, legs crossed, and try to let myself sink into a meditative state. I don't do this very often. It's usually helpful, when I do.

I had the oddest feeling when I first met Joe, that I'd met him before. That this was meant to happen, in some way. Except he should've been wearing a blue leather jacket, and he was in tears, in my lab. Not a shy, troubled schoolkid convinced everything was his fault.

I pushed it aside as a stupid dream. When you have weird-ass dreams all the time anyway it's only too easy to assign meaning to them later.

But now? Now I'm beginning to wonder.

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[bluedolphin]

"But why?" I murmur, without even noticing I've begun viciously pulling up the grass, "why bring him to us only to take him away? And why can't we remember?" My breath hitches painfully in my chest before I can say any more.

[yellowlion]

"To make sure he had people to look after him?" I ask doubtfully. "We've been used, maybe..."

But even if that's true, I can't say I'd be too angry about it. It's been *good*, having him.

I shake my head. "Maybe one of the Captain's friends."

[bluedolphin]

"Maybe." I sniffle and scrub a hand across the back of my eyes. No matter what Joe decides, I'll always be proud I was his mother, even if it wasn't for long.

I'm not aware of a pitiful murmur of "... my baby ..." escaping my mouth until it's already said.

[yellowlion]

I lose it completely at that, and gather her into a rough hug.

[bluedolphin]

I sniff away into his chest even though it's even closer to the time of Katsumi and Kazari coming home. What if Joe comes looking for us? I can't upset him even more.

I manage another weak "sorry" even though I really need to get up soon and pull myself together.

[yellowlion]

"Stop apologising for caring," I tell her ruefully. I stroke her hair, cup her face in my hands. I kiss her gently on the lips. "We need someone around here who actually knows how to deal with emotions."

[bluedolphin]

"Not much chance of that, then." I lean in for another kiss, then lean against his shoulder, "I know it's selfish of me, but ... I'm gonna miss Joe so much."