YOU ARE NOW ALL AQUARIUM FISH.

[curryjolokia]

 Welcome to the office fishtank of P. Sherman, dentist.  P. Sherman is a generally well-meaning sort of man, meticulous about the upkeep of the large 50-gallon tank which boasts a broad and colorful range of fish and sea creatures.  It's a lovely magic tank where little things like "salt water" or "freshwater" don't matter so much, and P. Sherman has taken advantage of this fact by including a mix of species that almost guarantee that the children in his waiting room will be treated to a live demonstration on Basic Maths: Subtraction & Division.

YOU ARE ONE OF THE FISH IN THIS TANK.  ICON UP AND POST AWAY.  

Do you remember you were not always a fish?

Might you have grand plans of clogging the tank filter and escaping into the open sea, where a fish of your glorious purpose WAS MEANT TO BE?

P. Sherman doesn't care, and there's fishes round these parts who would sooner see you lunch than successful in your goals.

Comments

[interpolate]

[Oh look he's all. Pathetic now. Poor guy. I contemplate hitting him with some ink, just to reassure him that, yes, I am in fact better than you, and I have all eight legs still to prove it, but...]

So, like, you're done fucking with me, oui?

[curryjolokia]

[I hear the stupid squiggly thing talking at me, but I have to stick my head back into the water to hear.]

Fucking with YOU? Tch. You got in MY way.

[This is intolerable.]

[interpolate]

[Hey, look who can shrug, four times, simultaneously. This fab bitch, is who.]

I was just swimming, you're the one who seriously bashed into me. You got what you deserved, you know, or did you not know that I have a beak?

[I think he's a little stupid, to be honest. I bet he thinks I'm a squid. But, you know what, squids have beaks too.]

[curryjolokia]

[I do not even have the WORDS right now but I canNOT let him get the last word but I can't BEAT him and. Ugh. I hate this squiggly. I hate him so much.]

So I crash into you, or you into me or WHATEVER, and then it's my fault that you grab me and start mauling my fins? Tch, you obviously have some anger issues.

[I contemplate getting chompymouth down here to make him eat squiggly. But that would involve assuming that chompymouth has a brain, and that he won't take another bite out of ME first.]

[Fuck.]

[interpolate]

[I think I would blink at him if I had eyelids.]

Okay but you're missing the point. You crashed into me, right. That happened. I pulled on your tail, whatever. You bit me first, though. That happened. Just because it didn't hurt doesn't mean you didn't start it.

[Scoot, scoot. Yeah, fuck it. I shoot some ink in his general direction too.]

Bitch.

[curryjolokia]

[Okay now I'm pissed.

[Pissed-er. I am SO following his stupid squiggly ass, and he obviously underestimates how mfuckin fast a betta can stir up ALL the water. The ink's not as big a problem as he thinks.]

So you assault fish for fun and then blame them when they try to get the fuck away from you, hnn? You could have just told me to watch my damn fins and left it at that.

[He's still scooting so I'm gonna keep on following him. There is no way he is right about this.]

Bitch yourself, Squiggles. What was I supposed to do, let you dangle me upside down and ask nicely?

[interpolate]

[I can ink more than that, I mean, hello, defense mechanism. But if he wants to think he's some kind of super grand predator, that's fine, whatever.]

Okay you are really missing the point where you assaulted me first, you just can't do it properly.

Like, that's why I have arms. That's why God put me in the water, to be in charge.

[curryjolokia]

[...Right. Okay. My cheek fins are completely puffed up now, I'm so pissed off, but I'm pinning my top fin and down because if this bitch wants a fight, I'll give him one.]

"God" put you in the water because you can't breathe air, Squiggles.

Except, there is no such thing as a God who metes out fairness and appropriate placements. If there were, you would have a stick in the top of your head and you'd be squeegeeing the walls of this tank.

[I may be smaller and floofier and generally less-possessed of a beak or arms, but I am NO less fabulous for any of those deficits, and seriously, if he wants me to play hardball, I can play hardball. Just, not the same kind that he and his freaky arms were.]

[interpolate]

Are you... are you trying to fight me?

[I poke him in the end of his nose with one tentacle, because come on, guy. Don't start stuff you can't finish.

He is seriously oblivious, but I am definitely not. I scoot deeper into the tank, because I'm not keen on claws today.]

[curryjolokia]

I am TRYING to debate you into realizing how stupid you are. Isn't that obvious?

[I drift back a bit when he pokes my nose. That's. Embarrassing.]

[He's running away from me again, so I'm gonna follow again. FWISH goes the big shiny red fins.]

You are not getting rid of me that easily.

[interpolate]

That's really not how debating works.

You know this huge head is not just for show, right? There is massive brain in here.

[Scoot, scoot, scoot. A little bit of ink, too, oops. Under the rocks, there's the ticket.]

I'm not trying to get rid of you. If I was trying to get rid of you, I'd just kill you, dude. For real.

[curryjolokia]

[Ugh. This is getting veeery tiresome and I really don't want to test him enough to make him kill me for real.]

[Even tho I kinda hate to admit it, this guy is kinda...well, I wish I had as much to back up my completely justifiable ego as he does to back up his somewhat less fabulous ego. It's not fair he got all the cool evolutionary toys.]

[I'm headed off somewhere not here. Just about anywhere would work.]

[Oh, wait. Chompymouth is following me? FML.]

[connect from here to Chompy at 2012-05-20 23:56 ]