Tokusatsu musebox

"Bullshit." I grab at his wrist and tug his hand up, wincing when I see again just how badly his fingers are flickering. Fading in and out. "Not with J this close, you know that's a shit excuse."

I look at him, hand still closed around his wrist, and searching his face, just daring him to lie to me. "How long have you been active on this side?"

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My nose wrinkles up when he grabs my arm, man handling me like I'm a child. I hate it when he does that.

His eyes are dark and intense and I know lying isn't going to get me anywhere. But... Well, telling the whole truth is just going to get me sent away.

"Not that long." I grumble. And it's not a lie... depending on one's definition of 'too long'.

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"Long enough that this is happening." I move the hand not clutching his wrist to brush at his palm. What I can gather with my own avatar shows that his is being overworked beyond its limitations.

If it goes too far it'll effect his body. Maybe already be; I have no way of knowing for sure how long he's been over here or how much strain his physical body can take.

"You know this can effect your body. Why didn't you go back before the party? Even just to recharge? To give the Marker System a rest?"

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I growl at him, over reacting, sure, but I don't care. I don't want to have this conversation here, not right now, not on Christmas.

"I was doing stuff, Masato!" I don't use his name like that often. Just when I'm irritated with him. I need to work on my volume, though, or someone might hear and come poking around curiously. "I'll go back after, alright? I promise, as soon as everyone goes to bed, I'll go back. I don't want to miss Christmas, aibou, neither do you."

I didn't want to be alone on Christmas.

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"Doing 'stuff'?" I'm yelling, I don't care. I haven't yelled at him like a parent in years, but maybe I need to now. Maybe I'm too worried about him to lower my voice.

I care about him too much.

I'm worried about him, deeply worried about him, his mental state and his physical one. "Big adult you are, not even taking the time to make sure your avatar stays sound. That your body stays safe."

"You should have thought about Christmas when you decided to stay here for too long before the party." My voice cracks, but my volume doesn't lower. "Christmas isn't more important than your body. Your eleven year old body."

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I don't know what's going on out here, but it needs to stop. Nick's shooing me towards the door.

I'd go anyway. No point in giving him a look, though, this is too important, I'm too focused, too worried and irritated.

I push the door open as Jin-san is in mid tirade. "You two need to calm-" I begin irritably, but then Jin-san finishes his sentence.

My jaw drops.

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I hate it when he yells at me, it's even worse then when he grabs me and hauls me around. Now I really feel like a child, and I have no intention of letting him get away with it.

I stand up to him, putting my face right against his, but then he says the one thing I have been trying my absolute damnedest and hardest not to let slip anywhere that anyone else can hear.

"Ta gueule!"

My arm is moving before I even realize it, but my avatar is malfunctioning too much, my clenched fist flickers and passes right through his face.

It's enough to make his avatar flicker just a bit, though, which gives me a clear and gut-wrenching view of Hiromu standing there, looking...

Shocked? Hurt? Pained?

...Disgusted?

"Merde."

I glare up at Masato. Unbelievably angry, incredibly upset... But it's not like I can cry.

My voice falls into a mere whisper. "Look what you've done. I didn't want him- I didn't want anyone to know."

I take a step back, and then another. I can't concentrate enough to disappear, though. I'm going to have to face this.

Somehow.

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Shit.

No one was supposed to have followed me. And if I expected anyone to, it would have been J, or Kurorin.

Not Hiromu.

I don't feel bad about about my words, they're things Emi needs to be reminded of, things he's not keeping in mind that are really important to his survival.

I wish this hadn't of had to happen on Christmas though, and in front of Hiromu. I know how Emi feels about him. How they no doubt feel about each other.

"Emi, I..." I'm about to apologize, at least for the timing, when J comes trudging through the doorway, no doubt alerted to the disturbances in both our Avatars.

He begins to speak, warning us of the the threat to Emi's avatar especially, but I hold up a hand.

"You need to go back for now. This isn't a punishment, Emi, this is a precaution." I'd never forgive myself if harm came to your body.

"J," I nod toward Emi, not really able to look my Aibou in the face right now.

"I'll be right behind you." I say, as J closes Emi's link to his marker system.

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I wanted to run away anyway, to hide, but it certainly feels like I'm being punished, or at least taught a lesson, that Masato is the one initiating it.

I can't look at him either. I don't really notice Jueki coming into the hallway.

I can't keep my eyes off Hiromu's face. Trying to figure out what that look on his face means.

I should say something to him. Apologize, or try to explain, or... I don't even know. Is there anything I could say? I'm trembling, but it's just as much from the effort my avatar is going through to hold itself together and anchored to this side.

Masato's right. Of course he is. He's always right. That's why he's the genius.

And I'm the child.

I close my eyes and turn my head away as my avatar codes out of this world, and I drop into the subdimension.

Alone.

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I smack the wall in frustration as Emi disappears, then just as quickly force control over myself again. The look on his face is seared into my mind. I didn't fix it. Didn't make him feel better.

He's doubting me. *Me*.

I should've said something, but I didn't know what...

"Jin-san," I say roughly. "Will he be all right?" I'm not sure if I mean physically, or emotionally, or both.

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I adjust my jacket, wishing swallowing hard or taking a stealing breath would do anything for me. Steady my mood, elevate the ache I'm feeling.

I give Hiromu a long, hard look, wondering what he's thinking about all this. This new fragment of information.

"He'll be fine now that his avatar isn't straining to maintain the link over hear. He's still active over there, but, so close to his body... not quite the same level of strain. On the system or his body."

I look down, practically yanking at my hair when I scratch at the back of my head. "I should follow him soon. He shouldn't be all alone right now."

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That's something, I guess.

"Good. I take it your body is really the age you appear, then? Does it put particular strain on yours, or his, because he's physically a child and you're not?"

I'm speaking urgently, possibly too fast, but I want to know while he's here and - possibly - answering questions.

I'm also thinking furiously underneath, trying to figure out the best way to get him to tell Emi something that'll calm him down about me, but I don't really know... May as well just say it. "When you see him, tell him this doesn't change anything important, okay? Please. It makes things more complicated, but it doesn't change... the respect I have for him or, um, how I feel about him."

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"We haven't aged, not physically. I, uh." I sigh, I don't even know where to begin telling Hiromu the details, or if they're even mine to tell. I told Kurorin because of how close he and are were. Are.

"It's straining on both of us after a while, but... extra for him. It's why I was so... so upset with him. He should know better. Does know better."

I look at Hiromu, considering his request. Of course I'll tell him, but I'm not sure my Aibou will believe it coming from me right now. Then I get an idea.

"He should hear that from you." I grab Hiromu's wrist, and drag him off down the hall, J lumbering behind us.

I lead him to the room where Kuroki keeps his dimensional communications station. The one he used to first contact me before I and Emi came over in the avatar flesh. I boot up the machine - Kurorin might chew me out for this later, but it'll be worth it if it helps my Aibou - and make sure everything working properly before I call out to Emi, hoping he's paying attention.

"Aibou, please respond."

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It's... weird being in the subdimension, alone.

Well, not alone. There's Masato's body, and my own. Locked away in... in caskets, unresponsive. Unreal, really. At least it feels that way. Not looking at Masato, I'm used to his face. I'm not even accustomed to my young face anymore, when I look at myself all I feel is shame and fear about what's going to happen, later.

"Je vous déteste." I mutter weakly at my own body, but it makes no difference. It's no different than talking into a mirror. Worse, since at least a mirror matches what I want to see. What I should see. What I believe myself to look like... Sure, the avatar was developed with Masato's help, aged every year to keep up with my mind.

But it's me damn it, the real me.

Unless it isn't.

Sometimes I think the best thing would be a glorious sacrifice, a game-changing moment where my life can buy the future of the entire world, and I don't have to try and face the reality of a future where I become one with this helpless child's body of mine.

"Je vous déteste!" I bring my hand, no longer flickering in this close proximity, down on the cover of the casket that protects it from the pressure of the subdimension.

"Aibou, please respond."

His voice echoes through the lab. Of course he's calling me aibou again, now that he feels bad. I scowl, wondering why he's bothering to contact me in this way. He said he was going to come down here.

I'm still mad at him. But I don't want to be alone.

I stomp over to the communications platform in the corner. He's taught me how to work it, and I put in the necessary commands to open real-time two way communications.

"Je suis ici. Is something wrong?"

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It's stupid.

Jin-san yanks me into the room and starts up the communicator. I'm worried, focused, want nothing more than for Emi to be all right, especially now I have more information from Jin-san, and I know he's physically okay now, so it's stupid.

Really stupid.

But I break into a huge grin when I hear his voice anyway. "I'm here, too, Emi," I say quietly.

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"I'll be along shortly, Aibou." I tell Emi, then gesture for Hiromu to come to the center of the base.

"This is how you shut it down," I gesture at a couple of switches, easy enough to remember, even for a non-engineer. "Take your time."

I give Hiromu's back a pat, and then quietly excuse myself from the room, dragging J with me.

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I go a little still when I hear Hiromu's voice. It echoes oddly, everything does in cross-dimension communication. But he doesn't sound... upset. Or angry. Or hurt. Or anything but soft.

He's probably scared.

For me.

Stupid, adorable wonderful brat.

I care for him so much more than I do for myself.

"Salut." I respond softly. "Alright, aibou."

I hear him instruct Hiromu on how to deal with the machine, and I realize that he is going to leave us alone to talk for a moment.

I sigh softly, away from the receiver so Hiromu doesn't hear.

"So." I start, and then hesitate, because I'm not sure what to say. I want to make this right between us, somehow, but I don't know how. Or if it's even possible.

"So you know now."

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It's oddly intimate.

I can't see him. I'm alone here. But the sound of his voice, even though it echoes strangely...

Oddly intimate.

"I do," I say calmly enough. "And it doesn't change anything important, Emi. Were you... were you worried I'd hate you?"

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