For Ankh

[hinooo]

I float awake in a dreamy kind of way. I haven't been this contented in a while. I've got Ankh safely in my hand...

In my arms. He's in my arms. I spent the night holding Ankh.

I grin, then the door's pushed open gently and Chiyoko-san backs in with a tray. I scream. But at least we're fully clothed, I guess?

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[hinooo]

"I guess I am," I say, giggling again, because this is so silly. But we can't stay here forever.

I impulsively kiss him briefly on the lips, then move to get off him.

[redgreeed]

My lips tingle from the touch of Eiji's against them. So fast I didn't even have time to react before he pulling away, crawling off me and getting ready to continue on down the path.

I stay where I am for a moment or two more, bringing a hand to my lips. I really don't know the words to express what I'm feeling, and that's frustrating, but the feelings are mostly good, so there is that.

I rise to my feet after him, brushing my pants off and then brushing idly at nothing on Eiji's shoulder before reaching down to take his hand again.

[hinooo]

He's really handsy.

...

Heh.

I squeeze his hand happily, nearly at the point with delight bubbling through me where I'd want to swing our hands, but I think even this newfound good humour wouldn't be proof against that.

A bird flaps up from a bush as we pass, startled by us.

[redgreeed]

He squeezes my hand and I return the grip, still feeling a little off balance, but recovering steadily. I settled back into our walk, and Eiji's presence, trying not to think too heavily about things.

A bird takes flight just in front of us, and I come to a stop, watching as it flies higher, as its wings beat in the sunlight. My shoulder blades start to ache again, and my eyes sting in a way unrelated to the bright sunlight.

[hinooo]

We're stopping?

We're stopping.

I don't try to comfort him, don't try to say that being human is so much better, pfft, don't worry about birds any more. He's allowed his grief.

I just slip an arm around him.

[redgreeed]

His arm is around me, I know this, but I can barely feel it. I lean into him, just slightly, but enough that I can feel a touch of his warmth.

"That first time you became TaJaDor," my voice is rough, tight from unshed tears. "Watching you. It felt like this only... Only I still had hope that I'd feel that again. That freedom. The ability to just spread my wings and take off."

I look at Eiji, not even caring that he can see the tears in my eyes. "Now I just... Now I'm grounded. Probably forever."

[hinooo]

"TaJaDor was amazing," I say softly. "Feeling that power, that freedom, that came directly from you."

Responsibility, too, of course.

My heart squeezes at the unshed tears in his eyes. "I know it's not the same, but there are still freedoms, as a human. Still ways to fly. Still ways to choose to do whatever you want."

[redgreeed]

"I know," I sigh, only slightly shaky, and look down as I give a nod. "I know. And it feels... It feels good to feel, I just have this longing. This ache. And it's hard to push it away."

I lean into Eiji a bit more, resting my head on his shoulder as I look out over the cliffs. This helps, being close to him, but I can't exactly tell him that.

[hinooo]

His head's on my shoulder, and I give him a fond smile. "It must be scary," I say softly, not sure if he'll allow *that* much vulnerability. "Maybe -- maybe we can go hang-gliding or something? Parachuting?"

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I just want to do anything I can to help him not feel so *lost*.

[redgreeed]

I smile softly, fondly, letting out a small sigh. I lean a little more into him, drawing strength from him.

"Eventually maybe," I slide my arm around Eiji's middle, gripping his side. He's still so warm. I just want to stay like this. I don't care about being vulnerable, not right now. Not with the tightness in my chest.

[hinooo]

It's a good thing his head's on my shoulder because I'm smiling the stupidest, happiest smile, and I'd hate for him to expire on the spot from how idiotic I am.

"Okay," I say amiably, liking the way he's locking himself against me. I rub my hand up and down his upper arm, rhythmically, soothingly, and turn my head to kiss the top of his.

[redgreeed]

He kisses the top of my head and I grip a little at his side, sighing gently, like that one sigh could expel all my frustrations, all my confusion and loneliness and... everything wrong with me.

"Eiji," I say his name softly, in a way I've probably never said it before, even though I've said it many times. So many times. I nuzzle at his shoulder, then look up at him, fighting to keep the sadness out of my eyes. "Thank you."

[hinooo]

...I love that tone in his voice, but it's making me ache.

Just want to take care of him.

"Most welcome," I say quietly, smiling at him. "It's not exactly a bother to be nice to you."

[redgreeed]

I kiss him.

...sort of.

I brush my nose against his, and our lips press. Well, more or less, they don't exactly meet properly, I sort of kiss the corner of his mouth and part of his cheek. But I'm new to this, damn it. I'm going to make a lot of mistakes.

I look down right after, my lips tingling again, though I don't exactly pull away from him.

[hinooo]

"A-Ankh," I say in wonder and delight. That was the nicest awkward kiss I've ever had, not that I have a lot of experience to compare it to.

I cup his cheek, and exert gentle pressure, to tip his face up so we can do that again.

[redgreeed]

His hand gently tips my head up, and I'm caught in the look of his eyes, the gentleness there. The openness. He's everything he used to be, only now he has wants. Now he had needs.

Now he has desires.

Our lips meet again, and I can't tell if it's my doing or his. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be? I don't really know. I just know I like this. I like his lips against mind, the shiver running down my spine, and the way I can help but shift, so we're better aligned.

I like the feel of both my arms wrapped around his waist.

[hinooo]

We're kissing again, and I'm not entirely sure how it happened, or what it means. All I'm sure about is that I don't want it to stop, ever. The wind's flapping my hair around my face, and his arms are around me possessively, and he tastes so good.

My hands are in his hair, and I gasp against his mouth, deepening the kiss.

[redgreeed]

His hands are in my hair and I shudder, because that... that feels better than I could have imagined. Feels better than I think it should, maybe because I've never felt anything like that before, and maybe just because it's with Eiji.

I step a fraction of a step closer just in time for him to gasp, and open his mouth. And I... I find myself doing the same, and the kiss deepens, his tongue sliding into my mouth. It feels...

It feels.

It feels too much.

My whole body starts shaking, and I feel like I might topple over. I break the kiss, whining softly as I do. But I need to. I feel very much like I might pass out.

I cling to Eiji and stare at the ground, the world still spinning fast.

"Eiji..."

[hinooo]

I'd be perfectly happy to just keep doing this forever. I wouldn't be against going further, one day, maybe, but I'm utterly absorbed in the feel of him, attuned to his taste, his scent, his... shaking.

Oh! Shaking isn't good!

He's still holding onto me, though, but now I think it might be because he's going to fall over otherwise. "You need to sit down?" I ask anxiously. "You need water? Food? A doctor?"

[redgreeed]

I draw in a slow, deep breath. Trying to focus. Trying to make the world stop spinning so fast.

"I don't need a doctor," I lean into him, the edges of my sight going dark. "Just take me home?"

I can't see clearly anymore. So I just cling to Eiji as I lean into him. As I fall. "Just take me home."

[hinooo]

I squawk as he loses his balance. I get an arm around him, then tchh and sweep him up in my arms, instead.