Mushball universe, anyone who'd like to talk to Jou

[yellowlion]

I sit on the grass in our rear yard, legs crossed, and try to let myself sink into a meditative state. I don't do this very often. It's usually helpful, when I do.

I had the oddest feeling when I first met Joe, that I'd met him before. That this was meant to happen, in some way. Except he should've been wearing a blue leather jacket, and he was in tears, in my lab. Not a shy, troubled schoolkid convinced everything was his fault.

I pushed it aside as a stupid dream. When you have weird-ass dreams all the time anyway it's only too easy to assign meaning to them later.

But now? Now I'm beginning to wonder.

Comments

[bluedolphin]

I haven't had a lot of "mothering" time with Joe since Marvelous's visit. He insisted on going back to school. If it helps him maintain some sense of familiarity, it's a good thing. He'll feel better with his friends around him.

It doesn't make me feel any better.

I know it's wrong to favour one kid above the others. I love Katsumi and Kazari, but Joe's always been my "baby", the one I most felt like I had to protect. I was resigned to him leaving home soon for university, but that's a bit different from vanishing into space with a crew of aliens. While it's a shock to find out that he's older than we thought, and not human, I love him. He's still my little boy.

What will I ever do without him?

I'll go and bring Jou a cup of tea. Jou understands.

[yellowlion]

I'm getting nowhere.

I mutter grimly under my breath, straighten my legs, and consider doing a forward roll down the little hill, for the hell of it.

I'm thirsty. Maybe I'll go make a cup of-

I beam up at Megumi. How does she always *know*?

[bluedolphin]

I hand him the cup and then put mine down on the grass so I can rummage for the little plastic tub of cookies I brought. I was a bit guilty about having made a batch just for Joe, so I made some more for everyone to share.

"How's things?"

[yellowlion]

I hastily grab my jacket from my other side and arrange it on the grass for her, then I hold the cup in both hands. The warmth is good against old injuries.

She looks devastated. "Sit? Thank you so much, Megumi."

Um. "Not great," I admit.

[bluedolphin]

I flop down next to him on the grass, "Joe," I agree quietly, and then "what are we going to do without him?" We haven't told Katsumi or Kazari yet, which makes it even harder for me to keep pretending nothing's wrong. They're not stupid. I know they've guessed and are wondering why we're lying to them.

[yellowlion]

"We don't know for sure yet that he's going," I protest, but then I wilt. "Though it is likely. He can't stay with his family forever anyway, and if his team needs him..."

I sigh, and take a steadying sip. "Complicated, isn't it. I- I really hope he doesn't leave."

[bluedolphin]

"I do too ..." My voice trails off for a moment. Got to keep it together for everyone's sake, "he could visit, I suppose. If he's ever on earth again." Or in the same solar system, the same galaxy, the same universe &c.

[yellowlion]

Ah, no, she sounds so broken. I turn towards her, expression crumpling at the look on her face.

"He would be. If he goes. He'd find a way." I put the tea down, scoot closer, and put my arm around her. "You're mothering a good kid."

[bluedolphin]

I have to put my cup down to keep from spilling it, "I've always done my best for our family, but Joe-" Just a fraction too late I realise how bad this must sound, "I love Katsumi and Kazari, of course ..." No, that made it worse.

[hotshotlightning]

Okay. Okay, that's it. There's something going on and no-one's talking and it's frustrating as anything. Jou and the others are all walking around like the world's about to end - which hopefully it isn't, but it's always an option given our history - and Joe's hiding something as well.

Kazari doesn't know anything either, which is about the only saving grace in this whole situation. I want to know what's going on, damn it, and catching Jou by himself might be my only chance.

"Alright," I say, standing in front of him with my arms crossed across my chest. "Spill. What's going on?"

[yellowlion]

I'm centered, grounded, letting my mind float back to the vague vestiges of memory...

I yelp and sprawl backwards on the grass. "I have to get you a little bell so I can hear you coming," I say ruefully. I'm not expecting him to be completely distracted from his question, but I need a few seconds, because shit.

[hotshotlightning]

"I'm not Kazari," I point out, waiting for him to finish flailing around. "You'd have heard me if you weren't zoning out. Try again, this time with more answers."

[yellowlion]

I sigh, and sit up deftly, wrapping my arms around my knees. "Not really my secret to tell," I say softly, squinting up at him.

[hotshotlightning]

My eyebrows draw together sharply. "Not your secret?" I demand. "When all three of you are walking around like the apocalypse is hovering over your heads and Joe's pulling back into himself again? Whatever it is, it's not just affecting you, it's affecting all of us."

And if Kazari won't make an issue of it, I will.

[yellowlion]

I nod, not liking his ire but not flinching from it, either. I don't blame him. "I know. But I don't have permission to tell all the details."

I sigh. "I want to tell you guys the basics, though."

[hotshotlightning]

"Then tell us." It comes out sharper than I expected but I guess I'm not surprised, the frustration's been building for a while. "It doesn't have to be everything, just give us some idea of what's going on so we don't get blindsided by it."

[catcameback]

I bound out of the tree when I hear their conversation turn in the direction I've been waiting for. No need to get involved until then, obviously.

"I'm here, if you were waiting for both of us." I announce, just in case they missed it. Then I frown down at Jou. "Who was he? That kind of desire is superhuman. He left the whole house just dripping in it."

[gibken]

For the first time since moving into this particular house, I find myself reluctant to go home. Not because I don't want to be around my family, because obviously I do. I'd rather be with them than with virtual strangers, that's for damn sure, my memory (memories?) be damned.

But I'm not sure if I can handle another round of 'think about it carefully' and 'it's your decision' and 'we love you and support whatever you decide'. I don't want to decide anything. Even if I'm not actually a high school kid, I still feel like one. I wasn't even ready to start making decisions about what I wanted to study at university, much less seriously life-altering decisions like 'stay at home with your loving parents or go back to being a pirate'.

But I think everyone involved would have a heart attack if I just disappeared onto the moon forever, so I drag myself home.

[yellowlion]

Boys have gone in. I'm sitting here, still, looking up at the late afternoon sun, trying to figure out these *memories*.

There's a sound, and I blink lazily, turning. I break into a smile, though it'd be hard not to see the worry in my eyes. "Joe."

[gibken]

Jou's sitting outside, so there goes my feeble hope for some peace and quiet. But he looks so sad and, damn it, he's my dad.

I cross the yard to sit beside him. "Your fake smile is so obvious."

[yellowlion]

I give a mostly genuine laugh at that, and lean sideways to bump my shoulder against his. "Oh, c'mon. I'm completely opaque to people who don't know me as well as you do. Completely opaque."

[gibken]

"Hardly." I gripe, managing a weak grin in return. "Anyone who has ever seen your real smile, even once, would know in a second whether you were faking. It's all in your eyes." I say pointedly. I can tell he wants to talk about... everything, and I'm thinking he's probably trying not to for my sake, whatever that's supposed to mean.

Screw that. I need my parents right now. Even if it is all a dream.

[yellowlion]

"I'll remember to wear sunglasses next time," I say gravely, then I realise my arm's around him and I'm hugging him, hard.

[gibken]

"Or you could just smile right." I huff, but then he's hugging me and I break. I go limp against him and I press my forehead to his shoulder and I'm so tired of crying, but I can't make it stop. I don't think this is how I'm supposed to be, either of me.

[yellowlion]

My other arm comes up around him automatically, and he leans into me, burying his face in my shoulder. I hold him tight, and kiss the top of his head.

"I don't want you to go," I admit softly, reluctantly, into his hair. "In case you didn't know already."