Mushball universe, anyone who'd like to talk to Jou

[yellowlion]

I sit on the grass in our rear yard, legs crossed, and try to let myself sink into a meditative state. I don't do this very often. It's usually helpful, when I do.

I had the oddest feeling when I first met Joe, that I'd met him before. That this was meant to happen, in some way. Except he should've been wearing a blue leather jacket, and he was in tears, in my lab. Not a shy, troubled schoolkid convinced everything was his fault.

I pushed it aside as a stupid dream. When you have weird-ass dreams all the time anyway it's only too easy to assign meaning to them later.

But now? Now I'm beginning to wonder.

Comments

[hotshotlightning]

Damn it, he's crying. I've only seen him do that a couple of times and it never means anything good. Suddenly the possibility that Joe might leave is a lot more likely.

"What if he doesn't want to go?" I challenge. "What will that guy do then?"

If he tries to take him anyway he'll have a fight on his hands, that's for sure.

[catcameback]

This is a novel new thought for me, and I lean back on my hands, squinting towards the sky. "But he's not happy. Why would he want to go back to them if he's unhappy with them?"

I lean forward again, agreeing with Katsumi's question and also his unspoken assessment. Joe's ours now, we're hardly going to let him go without a fight.

[yellowlion]

I shrug helplessly. "Guy said he'll respect Joe's decision, as long as Joe has his memories back. If that proves to not be true, well, as you know? We protect our own."

I'm silent for a little, thinking how best to answer Kazari's question. He's come so far in understanding us. This is complex, and I want to pitch it at the right level. "We're his family, and we always will be," I say at last. "But maybe these people are his family, too."

Maybe not that complex after all.

"Maybe when he remembers, he'll realise they're important, too, and they need him, too."

[hotshotlightning]

How can they need him more than we do? I think rebelliously. They've left it this long, haven't they. So why now?

"Why now?" I ask out loud. "He's been here months, so why now?"

[catcameback]

"That's a big family. Too big to care for them all at once." I muse, shaking my head. "Why did he leave them in the first place? There must have been a reason."

I don't even realize I'm slipping my Switch out of my pocket and rolling it between my fingers. It's calming, somehow, and considering how even after all this time I'm still getting used to having emotions and properly feeling things, I need all the help I can get. "Like maybe he wanted a new family. That happens. And he found us. And he was happy here, so I think that should be enough."

[yellowlion]

"He was hurt, mentally," I say softly. "They couldn't risk him being hurt further by them trying to force the memories on him. And they went through something, I don't know what, so maybe they didn't even know where he was at first."

I want so very badly to hate this Captain Marvelous, to hate the rest of his crew. But I could no more do that than I could hate my boys for caring about their brother. If I lost Joe from my team, I'd want him back, too.

"I think you're raising things that can only be answered by Joe," I say diplomatically. "I hope he stays, too. But it'll be up to him."

[hotshotlightning]

"How could they not know, though?" I demand, thinking about all the various ways Jou keeps tabs on everyone, no matter what. I can't believe they don't have a similar system in place for, well, things like this.

I glance sideways at Kazari, not liking the way he's playing with that thing but as he does't seem about to use it I'm not going to comment. "Maybe we should just sit on him," I say, raising an eyebrow at him. "What do you think?"

[catcameback]

I nod, very slowly, very intently. Serious and sage-like.

"Yes, I think we should just sit on him." I agree. And I'm not really quite sure if I've got a grasp on humour or sarcasm yet, so I'm probably serious. "Or just lock him in his room?"

I pout a bit. Negative feelings are lame. "I don't want him to leave."

[yellowlion]

"I don't know." I wish I could give them all the answers, but I can't. "No system's perfect. Maybe they have one but it was overwhelmed."

I look from one to the other, not sure if they both realise they're joking. Or had better be joking. "I don't want him to, either."

[hotshotlightning]

Not much of a system then, is all I can think, not feeling at all charitable towards the people who want to take him away from us.

"It sounds like you've given up already, though," I point out. All that about how it's his choice, blah blah.

[catcameback]

I stare at Jou for a long moment, trying to piece together the problem he's offering.

"Then just don't let him." I say finally. "You're the parent, aren't you? Megumi and Yuusuke don't want him to go either, do they? So just don't let him. Why is that so difficult to figure out?" I blink a few times, shifting around again, ending up perched back on my haunches like I'm ready to pounce. "Why do we care what a bunch of strangers want? They're not a part of the family, so why do we care about their desire?"

[yellowlion]

My head jerks around and I stare at Katsumi, not sure if that stung so badly because it's true or because it's not.

I suspect it's the first.

"Because they're important to Joe. Even if he doesn't remember," I say softly. "The most important of all is Joe himself, and they agree with that. I'm not going to try to take that choice away from Joe. He's not five. He's old enough to make his own decisions."

[hotshotlightning]

I fold my arms and stare him down. Alright, yeah, it's Joe's decision in the end, I can't really seriously argue with that given my own history, but the way he's talking you'd think it was a done deal already.

"Does he know you want him to stay?" I ask pointedly. "I mean, really know it?" Because if they don't put any effort into making sure he knows this place his home, he might just leave anyway, thinking they're okay with it.

[catcameback]

"But he wants to stay here." I gripe, shifting around again so I'm lying flat on my stomach with my arms crossed beneath my head. Why can't I get comfortable today? "Doesn't he?"

[yellowlion]

"We told him," I answer Katsumi immediately, but then my certainty falters. "Well, we told him very strongly, straight away. But since then I've been giving him space. I thought that was what he wanted. Space to remember..."

Maybe I need to talk to him again.

"I think he does," I say, absentmindedly reaching out to stroke Kazari's shoulder. He's fidgety again. "I hope he does. I know he loves us."

[hotshotlightning]

"Space to stew, then," I agree blandly, mirroring Kazari and flopping down onto my back, staring up at the clouds moving across the sky. "Not like he spends a lot of time inside his head already or anything."

[catcameback]

I wrinkle my nose at the obvious patronizing, but it does feel good, so I don't bat his hand away.

"I'm sure he wants to stay. I bet he just doesn't know where to go because no one's telling him. Everyone's saying 'it's your choice, it's your choice'. People can't make those kinds of choices on their own." Especially not people like Joe, practically void of desire.

[yellowlion]

"Sarcasm?" I ask Katsumi wistfully. "With me? Really?"

I look from one to the other, processing what they're saying, and I start to smile. I'm still scared. Still worried. But having a course of action always helps. Even if it means I need to put my memories on hold for now. "So you're saying I need to go talk to him," I murmur, not actually seeking confirmation. They've kind of been bludgeoning the message into my head. It's not exactly subtle.

[hotshotlightning]

I raise my eyebrows at him disdainfully. Did he really expect a lack of sarcasm from me?

I'm tempted to applaude but he's already noted the sarcasm and I don't think it would really help. "Might not be a bad idea," I say instead. And the sooner he does it the better.