[Mushverse. For Ad]

[beetlesazer]

I'm a little tipsy.

Sake is strong, and while I've mostly gotten used to the occasional nip here and there during my years on Earth, sometimes I indulge a little too much and get the giggles.

But I can still cook dinner for myself and Ad. And I have... things I need to discuss with him. Takuto is back, sort of. I don't think he's settled yet, and without Remy (bless her) that will be even more of a trial for him before he contacts us. I only know he's back in Japan because of how closely Ein and Zwein watch what's going on down here.

He has other friends now though, and I think they take precedence at the moment. And that's okay. He belongs to this world. We do not.

I make a dish that is inspired by the robust dishes of Ad's home. Biyodo. I never visited, but I learned enough about that world when I volunteered for the military that I can make a decent replication of a passable 'family' meal. It was expected that I would marry a strong Biyodo woman and have many strong military focused children.

This was of course before we got stuck back on Earth, nearly 500 years before we were even born.

I don't focus on that though, as I cook. I think about the lives we saved by coming here, by sacrificing our futures. I think about Ad, and how much I love him.

What I need to discuss with him.

I set the table, all formal and refined. Bowls for dipping sauce, bowls for noddles, bowls for fish and meat and vegetables. Chopsticks on their rests. Napkins. Warmed sake, fresh water. Fruits for palate cleansing.

Everything is perfect. And only moments before he gets home.

He's always on time.

Comments

[eaglesazer]

I have been debating the pros and cons of stepping up my courtship with Kane for... Some time, indeed. Before I returned to Japan from America, at the very least. Spending time with Gordo and Patora in particular was enlightening in a certain way, not to mention the serious talk I had with them both before I left. About how I shouldn't lead him on, and that maybe I don't need to conform to every nuance of ritual from a planet that I will never again see, not to mention hasn't even been properly settled by this point in history.

Not that I disagree with their intention, but I have to hold onto some small part of my lost home.

And it is difficult to get past something that has been instilled in me since birth.

Still, I do think we have shared enough that we can take the next step.

I arrive home precisely on time, as ever, and opening the door find my senses assaulted by a familiar combination of scents that leads me into the dining area with wide eyes.

"Kane?"

[beetlesazer]

He's home. I can feel it even before the door opens. I wipe my hands on my apron and slide it off over my head, hanging it on its hook before he opens the door.

I'm waiting in the tiny dining area of the small kitchen when he arrives, all fidgety hands and nervous jitters. He's so handsome. He takes my breath away every time I see him, even after all this time together.

"Ad!" I greet him brightly, moving over to him and lifting myself up a bit to kiss him softly on the lips. I pull back after, and gesture at the set table, the warrior feast waiting for him. "Please. Sit."

[eaglesazer]

My hand drifts to my pocket, to the small box there, and I swallow and manage to smile a moment before he kisses me, and keep smiling after he pulls back.

"This is amazing, Kane." I praise him, and for good reason. I take my usual seat, and gesture almost impatiently for him to join me.

This is not a meal to be undertaken alone, by anyone.

"How did you ever learn to make half of these dishes?"

[beetlesazer]

I almost laugh when he gestures for me to sit with him, as if I'd planned on doing anything else. My brief hesitance was mostly jitters, and delight as I watched reactions - subtle of course, sometimes he has the emotional range of a rock - to the meal play out over his face.

I settle into my chair and bow my head, sending off a muted prayer to the gods of my homeworld before I reach for any of the food. And an extra one, to the goddess of lasting companionship and the god that watches over men like us. Men in love.

I smile brightly at Ad when I'm done, and I'm sure my cheeks are pink tinged when I reply to his query. "Because I, and the others from Rady that enlisted, were going to be working closely with Biyodo soldiers, we were taught many of meals and customs from your world."

I leave out the part about marrying a Biyodo woman and fathering many children with her. Ad already knows about my family feels, no need to bring up that again.

"I hope it's good, I mean," I begin serving myself while Ad does the same. "I did what I could with Earth ingredients..."

[eaglesazer]

I listen to his quiet prayer with a soft smile on my face. Kane is the only one who understands why I cling so helplessly to old customs. He does it too, though his customs are certainly different from mine.

He knows, I think, that I was never expected to enter into any kind of relationship. It's simply not a commonality among men of my caste. Really, the apex of my career was always assumed to be a warrior's death in battle. Volunteering on the mission that brought Kane and I together and abandoned us here in the past together was just...

Luck. Or fate. I'm still not sure which.

I bow my head and pray over the food, too. I only know one god intimately, the god of war, but I'm trying to remember more from childhood lessons about the other gods that watched over the other castes, gods that might come in handy in this courtship.

"I'm sure it's wonderful. Food is one arena in which Earth never ceases to amaze me."

[beetlesazer]

The food tastes good, even though it's not entirely authentic. I hope Ad enjoys it though... oh. Oh I hope it doesn't bring up too many nostalgic feelings. He never really shows it when he's sad, but I can tell, and that is not what I wanted from tonight.

Breathe, Kane. He looked happy when he walked in, still looks happy now. Enjoy the meal.

"How was your day?" I ask after a few quiet moment of us just simply enjoying the food and each other's company.

[eaglesazer]

The food is actually better than I remember it being, though I'm not sure how much of that is lingering affection for Kane and how much is memory dulled by time. It's been a long time indeed since I've eaten foods prepared in such a way, and never with the ingredients Earth has to offer in place of my home world's best crops.

I look up at his question and smile. I can always smile for him.

I do love him. The trouble is how to explain it properly.

"Very well." I answer after a moment. "If trying. This school, I worry it's going to end up burned to the ground before we can make any great difference."

[beetlesazer]

"They seem to have excellent insurance," I comment, unable to keep the note of amusement from my voice. It's wrong to joke about such things, I know, but sometimes you have to have a laugh at the dark things just so you don't get swallowed up by fear and despair. "Things get destroyed one day and then are back good as new the next."

I pour myself a drink, and nibble on a piece of delicately flavored melon in between meats. Considering what to bring up first. "Takuto is home. Well, he's back in Japan. Ein and Zwein told me."

[eaglesazer]

I smile a bit at his joke, knowing that he doesn't mean anything negative by it. Kane smiles his way through the worst disasters, he has that good nature.

It's one of the things I love about him.

"Is he?" This is news to me. I set down my glass and sit back in my chair with a little frown. "I wonder why he hasn't called us."

[beetlesazer]

Oh, I think I might have upset him. Not that Takuto not contacting us is my doing, but I hate bringing upsetting news. "Ein and Zwein told me that he has made friends with a member of another team of heroes. One of the Sentai teams, I believe. Also he just got back, and I'm sure he has much settling in to do."

I nudge at Ad's foot under the table with one of my own, then press my knee lightly against his knee. "He was always easily distracted. I'm sure once he gets settled he'll want to touch base with us."

I move on from my fruit to the fish, adding a good amount of noddles and sauce. Biyodo food is pleasant, but I still miss the informal meals of Rady. Mama's wild leak and hare soup. Fresh seed flour breads. Seasonal floral wines. I sigh and shake my head to clear it a little.

"Ad, I..." I start, then pause, setting my bowl and chopsticks down. I look at him, and my resolve falters a little. I pour myself some sake, downing a large mouthful for courage. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

I look at him, and do my best to smile despite my nerves. "About us."

[eaglesazer]

As long as nothing seems to be wrong, I suppose I shouldn't worry too much about Takuto.

He would join up with a Sentai team. He's incorrigible and often obtuse and impossible, but then, so are some of the Sentai members I've met.

"Well, I look forward to it. Be sure to let me know, if he contacts you first."

I rub the back of my neck when his knee presses against mine, then set my own chopsticks down when he does. His face has taken on a certain cast of seriousness, and I'm concerned for a moment about what he's about to say.

I shouldn't have been, of course. Why would he make such a specific meal for me if he wasn't seeking answers. Courting on Rady wasn't like the rigid and usually caste-oriented courtship rituals on Biyodo.

I reach across the table to take his hand in mine, giving it a little squeeze of confidence. I'd like to hear what he has to say first. "Go ahead."

[beetlesazer]

He takes my hand and grips it, and that simple gesture is very encouraging. Wonderfully comforting. I smile at him again, stronger this time, always able to find confidence in his presence.

"I know that your homeworld has a lot of... stages. To courtship. And I respect that. And I respect you." I turn my hand over so I can squeeze his in return.

"I want you to uphold all the customs of your world but I just... Ad, I want to be closer to you."

[eaglesazer]

I smile at him, gripping his fingers and nodding my head. He has a very good point.

"You have to forgive me, Kane. I never learned the rituals properly. I wasn't ever expected to enact any of them, it's not typical of my caste. I know that doesn't really matter anymore, not now that we're stuck here, on Earth, in the past, but it still means quite a lot to me."

I look down at the table, huffing a little, frustrated with myself. "I had to do a lot of thinking, to remember what I'm supposed to do, when I'm supposed to do it. And, honestly, I wanted to be sure that this was really what you wanted. I can't give you children, Kane."

[beetlesazer]

"Don't apologize for wanting to follow the customs of your homeworld," I smile softly at him, hopefully reassuring him that I am still okay will following all the correct rituals and steps that are needed. "Trust me, when we get further down the road, there are quite a few customs I'll need to keep to as well."

He mentions children. Ah, that again.

"Ad," I give his hand another squeeze, trying to keep my voice even and steady, so he knows I'm being honest and not just telling him what he wants to here. "I was raised to want a big family, I was brought up to want lots of children. Laughter spilling out of every room of a home, large family meals, raising children with someone who wanted those things just as much as I did."

I swallow hard, it's still difficult to think too much about my homeworld, to remember the large family I grew up with. All my brothers and sisters... I hope they're doing well, I hope we made their world better for them.

"But I had to push those dreams aside for bigger ones. Defeating the Neo Descal, stopping their ancestors from taking over Earth... When I volunteered for that mission I knew my life was going down a different path."

I bring Ad's hand up so that I can kiss the back of it, then look back at his face. "I don't have any regrets, Ad. Not about volunteering, not about falling in love with you. I don't need children to feel fulfilled."

[eaglesazer]

His voice has just the slightest familiar waver in it as he speaks of his homeworld. I know it's hard for him, as it is hard for me. Thinking about what we left behind, the sacrifices we've made.

I remember my first diplomatic trip to Rady, and all the trips that came after. Most the families were much like Kane's. Not as strictly regimented by caste as the populace of Biyodo, but they had the resources to support such freedom.

"I am glad you don't regret it." I inform him with a slight smile, turning my hand to stroke my fingertips along his jaw. "That is all I needed to hear. I just needed to know. You'd be a wonderful father." My throat tightens and I clear it to settle my voice. "Kane, I would like to take the next step in our courtship, truly. It probably won't seem like much to you..." I pull my hands back and retrieve the box from my pocket. I've been carrying it around with me everywhere for at least a fortnight.

I hold it up and open it. It's a simple metal band worked in two colors, nothing that will gain him unwarranted attention. On Biyodo, a ring of this style, though far different metals, would indicate that he had entered into a serious courtship with no intentions of courting another. "It would honor me if you would wear this. Traditionally, it goes on the second finger of your right hand, but I wasn't sure of the measurement of your fingers..."

[beetlesazer]

The significance of the ring isn't lost on me, knowing what I know of Biyodo courtship rituals and customs. Two metals, to be worn on the right hand. A promise to a person, and also an outward sign that I have been chosen by someone dear to me.

No one on Earth will probably understand the significance, but then I don't exactly frequent places where Earthly courtship is a high expectation. Beside that one student teacher that seemed a little too interested in me. The one I have a strong inkling is at that school for similar reasons that Ad and I am, given the obvious lack of training she has. She's nice enough though, so I can't really say anything bad about her.

"Ad," I am trying very hard to keep happy tears from shining in my eyes, but it's difficult with the situation, with such a significant ring being presented to me, such sincere and nervous words being spoken.

I don't let him continue his nervous words, instead I lean in and kiss him softly, pressing our foreheads together after so I can laugh lightly. "It would honor me to wear it."

[eaglesazer]

He's crying, or at least there are tears in his eyes, but I've been with him long enough to know he's not upset. Touched, yes, obviously so. Happy, I hope. But not about to deny me this heart's wish of mine.

Then he leans closer and does an admirable job of completely removing most traces of fear from my mind, though the general anxiety of preparing for the next steps continues to linger.

For now, though, for now I can be happy that he wants to kiss me, that he's going to wear the ring, that he knows what it means and he wants to wear it anyway.

"Thank you." I tell him earnestly, shifting to give him another light kiss. "You mean worlds to me, Kane. I'm sorry this took me so long. I have to do it right, you understand. I have to do right by you."

[beetlesazer]

"I love you," the words slip from my lips before I can think about them. I don't think we've said them before. Though maybe we have, late at night when both of us are sleepy? Or maybe we've let it slip in a more casual context.

Still, I don't think either of us has said them with such a seriously weighted situation hanging over us. Joyful, but serious all the same.

"You don't have to be sorry. I wasn't going anywhere. It was a little frustrating to wait," I admit this sheepishly, my cheeks burning up suddenly. By now on Rady we'd already be sleeping together in a much more intimate way than just side by side, and probably well toward (or even into) marriage.

"But this step, and all the steps we need to take, means a lot to me."

[eaglesazer]

My breath hitches a little when he tells me he loves me. Not that I doubt his words, of course I don't. I'm quite sure I feel the same way about him. But in this context, the words have so much more weight to them.

"I know." I say softly. "Courtship is very different on Rady, is it not?"

I take both of his hands in mine and squeeze them gently.

"Kane, may I share your bed tonight?" It's an old question, one he's been used to for a while yet. But I still need to ask.

[beetlesazer]

"I don't mind," I kiss his cheek, sighing softly. "It's faster on Rady, less formal. I have wants that are going at a slower pace than they should. If we were both from Rady."

I pull back enough so that I can meet his eyes, smiling happily at him. Letting him know I am okay. "But we're not both from Rady. And I am happy to follow your traditions."

I give his hands a gentle squeeze in return, when he asks that same question he's asked me on so many nights before. I wonder if they mean more this time, of if it's simply the same request to sleep beside me.

Either way I am happy to welcome him, especially now that his ring rests comfortably on my hand. "Always, Ad. Always."

[eaglesazer]

"I know that," I start, but he cuts me off with the sweetest words.

Considering what I do know about courting rituals on Rady, I'm in for a wild ride, if we ever get to that point, and he will more than certainly pay me back for all of the trouble I've caused him in sticking obstinately to my roots.

I grip his hands, then pull him closer for a hug, wrapping my arms carefully around his shoulders and holding him tight against me. Even after all this time, he's still so slight, he feels so young and vulnerable in my arms. I know he's not, he's nearly as capable as me in the battlefield, and what he lacks in physical strength he more than makes up for with intelligence. But I still feel the drive to protect him.

"Thank you. Shall we?"

[beetlesazer]

I hold tight to Ad when he pulls me in for a hug, wrapping my arms around his middle and clinging a bit to the back of his shirt. I rest my cheek on his shoulder, turning my head so I am facing his neck. I breathe him in and sigh.

I love him deeply. More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.

"Just," I sigh, sliding a little closer to him and nosing lightly at his neck. "Just wait a moment."

I sway a little, against him, with him maybe? And I hum softly. At first just a songless tune, and then it turns into an old song from Rady. One that I've forgotten the words to, but still resonates in my heart.

"I want you to share my bed with me." I whisper near Ad's ear, feeling warm and safe in his arms. "Tonight and every night after."

[eaglesazer]

"Of course." I say softly, tilting my head to press my lips into his hair. This I can do, and have done many times before. Hold him close, know he's safe, appreciate his presence, in my life and in the universe at large. The entire world is better for him existing.

He starts to move, and I move with him on a long since untouched instinct.

And then I laugh, quietly, and give him a little squeeze.

"Do you remember when we met? At the gala celebrating your incredible bravery and sacrifice?" And we were made to dance a number of traditional dances, both from his home and from mine. He had, and still has a natural grace. I had been trained from childhood.

[beetlesazer]

I snort at the memory. "Oh I remember that gala. I remember I wished everyone would just leave me be. They were treating me like I was already a war hero, when I was just an early promoted cadet."

I was too young, I shouldn't have been the one chosen from Rady to go back and stop the Neo Descal, there were many other older and more qualified applicants for the mission.

I have only the gods to thank for that, despite how scared I was before we left. If I hadn't been selected I wouldn't have met Ad.

"I also remember your face when you were made to dance the Elia Reval, the dance between men? You were so stiff and awkward, it was really adorable." It's hilarious really, awkward as Ad is at times, I know he is able to be graceful. I think most of the dances from home were a bit too whirling and suggestive for him.

[eaglesazer]

"You were a hero." I say softly, reaching to take his hand and give it a little squeeze. "I knew it. Your people did too. Only a hero would have volunteered for such a reckless mission."

I smirk a bit at the memory, the way he's poking fun at how stiff and awkward I was then. Not that I have loosened up so much in the time since, but even I can remember the way he had to lead those dances. "I did my best." I chuckle, pulling him closer and slipping an arm around his waist. "I knew then how strong you would be. How brave."

[beetlesazer]

My heart does all sorts of happy flips when he pulls me closer. I lean into him, sighing softly, and then laugh at his words. Lightly, not mockingly, just in mild disbelief.

"You say that like I'm strong now. Or brave." I spread my hands over his back, feel the still well toned muscles beneath his clothes. He keeps himself in such good shape, even after so may years or peace (well, years where we haven't been the ones fighting, anyway). He may wear a teacher's clothes now, but he's still a soldier, through and through.

"I just come through when it counts. That's all."

[eaglesazer]

"You are." It takes a measure of self control not to call him stupid for his self-shaped blind spot, and yet it's a measure that I have gained in spades since meeting him. "You have always been strong. And perhaps the bravest of us all, protecting your entire family in the only way you could. This is not something I could have done." I smile, a bit awkwardly, and grasp his shoulders gently, pulling him close against my chest and resting my chin on the top of his head.

"That's all a hero is, Kane. Coming through when it counts."

[beetlesazer]

I go quiet over his words, doing my best to drink them in as honesty. Truly I know Ad never speaks anything but what he knows it absolute fact, but I still have trouble believing I'm some great hero.

I finally give him a small nod, my head still resting against him, and sigh softly, letting my eyes slip closed. "If you say so."

[eaglesazer]

I give him a little squeeze, finding him just as small as he ever was. He fits in my arms so neatly. I am not well conditioned to believe in fate, but sometimes Kane makes me wonder. Happily, of course.

"I do say so." I pull him back to arms length and lean in for a kiss to seal my words. I can do that, now, with that ring on his finger.

"Shall we go to bed?"

[beetlesazer]

I tremble a little as he kisses me, so much more open and needfully than he has before. I hum against his mouth, feeling like I might wilt in his arms, as silly and cliché as that may be.

I sway a little when he pulls back, my cheeks faintly warm. I know not much will coming from 'going to bed' wit him. Not yet, I don't think. But I still like to hear it.

Maybe someday.

"Yes," I pull back and take one of his hands in mine, lacing our fingers, and smile at him sweetly as I guide him to my-

To our bedroom.