Christmas "Meme"

[snakewithbaggage]

Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!
Suzu ga naru
Suzu no rizumu ni hikari no wa ga mau
Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!
Suzu ga naru
Mori ni hayashi ni hibikinagara

Welcome to the Dinohouse Christmas "meme"! This is going to work a bit differently from most memes, but still free free to do what you want here!

The idea:
Following this post I will be making an assortment of Universe/Location "thread" comments. These will define the specific scene and universe being worked in. Comments by applicable characters will follow under that comment.

Example:
Mushverse; Shiba Mansion; open to Shinkengers

Comments following that would all be set in the Mushverse universe, be by any Shinkengers that want to participate, and take place at the Shiba Mansion Christmas party. Think of it sort of like every "top level" comment is its own post to the community.

Following that example, if your desired AU/Canon/etc isn't there, feel free to make a "thread" for it! Say there's already a Mushverse Go-busters "thread", and you want to do something in Aibouverse, or something more canon, maybe just between two characters? Make one!

Comments following the "thread" headings can be group setting free for all, or between individuals. Say it's a canon GokaiGalleon party, and Gai and Luka want to go off alone, or are on their way to the Galleon together? Their thread can be a separate second level comment thread beneath the main Canon Gokaiger thread.

I know that's a lot of information/qualifiers, but don't let it make you nervous to post, "rules" are fluid, and mainly set for added organization.

HAVE FUN. And enjoy the season!

Comments

[redgreeed]

I haven't been back since... since that night, since I left early that morning and wandered. It hasn't been that long, not in regular time, but it feels like it's been months. Maybe longer.

Comparable to the time I spent as a a broken medal in Eiji's pocket.

Clutched tightly in his warm hand.

Date drags me to Cous Coussier's Christmas event. He doesn't say anything specific, just that 'it's time'. But he gives me this look that says it's high time I confront this demon.

I agree, because I... I miss him. I miss Eiji. I miss my idiot and how whole he makes me feel.

Date nudges me inside first, then wanders off immediately, leaving me standing there, arms crossed and staring at the floor.

[hinooo]

I'm bustling past the doorway with a trayful of dirty dishes when I nearly trip over nothing.

I turn, wide-eyed.

He's here. I break into a smile, but he's... staring at the floor. My smile wobbles, a little, but I force it back up on both sides of my mouth. "Ankh," I say softly.

[redgreeed]

Even if I was blind, I would have still seen him, sensed him, bustling past. Nearly tripping, and then turning his eyes on me. I can sense his presence in pitch darkness, can feel his gestures and cues as if they're my own.

At the sound of my name from him I draw in a shaky, unsuccessfully steadying breath. I look up, at his face, at the forced nature of his smile.

Is he putting on an act? Is he pretending to be happy to see me?

"Eiji," I sway slightly, torn between rushing at him, gathering him up in my arms and never letting him go, and turning around, leaving his life free and peaceful without me in it.

I remember Date's words, that I help him in ways I don't even know about, that we can learn together what we can be for each other now. How to be Eiji and Ankh in our new lives together.

There aren't tears in my eyes, but they sting like there will be any moment. "Eiji... I'm sorry. So sorry."

[hinooo]

He looks so small.

So lost.

I stare at him for a long moment, helpless, poised on a knife edge, not sure what to do...

Then he apologises, his voice breaks, and suddenly it's very easy. I dump my armful on the nearest table and stride towards him, enfolding him in my arms.

"Stop apologising, I'm fine," I tell him with fierce love. I'm shaking, but I'm holding him tightly, safely, with me, and anyone who tries to take him away will have a fight on their hands.

[redgreeed]

He drops off his armful of dishes and then launches himself at me, arms wrapped tight around me. I tremble, my knees going weak for a moment as I lean into him, breathing him in.

My arms hesitantly wrap around him in return, and I turn my head to press my face to his neck, a violent shudder of emotion running through me. "I'm still sorry. I'm sorry I tried to hurt you, and I'm sorry I left after. I just. I needed to."

A trembly breath, a shaky exhale.

I don't deserve him, and maybe that's okay. Maybe it's not about deserving him. Maybe I should just be happy that someone such as him can have so much love in their heart for someone such as me.

Maybe no one ever 'deserves' the people that love them.

[hinooo]

He presses his face against my neck. He fits so perfectly against me, but he feels so fragile...

"Oi," I say firmly, putting aside my anxieties for now. "I need to talk to you about that. And most importantly I need to listen to you. But don't apologise because you think I'm angry, or because you think I don't want you around."

I turn my head and press my lips against his hair, aching, rejoicing, exulting at the feel of it against my lips. "You can do whatever you need to, any time, as long as you come back to me, okay? Because what I need is you."

[redgreeed]

"That's not why I'm apologizing." I shake my head, sniffling, even though I'm not really crying. Not really. "I'm apologizing just because I need to."

He kisses my hair, and speaks against me, warm and soft, but firm. And then he says he needs me and I very nearly break right there.

I still don't know how he needs me, how he could possibly need me now. But I'm not about to protest. I selfishly want to be near him. Always. Even I'm never actually needed, if I can never help him.

He's Eiji. My idiot. My heart and soul.

[hinooo]

I've been so uncertain.

What if he didn't want me any more? I know he loves me. I knew he loved me, while he was gone, too. But I didn't know if he could stand to be around me any more. He was so angry about me fighting. So upset.

But I'm not uncertain now. He's here. He needs me. He loves me. He's not pulling away.

No matter what, that's enough. We can work through anything else.

I pull back a little, and smile at him, tucking a stray strand of hair behind his ear. "Okay," I say peacefully, lovingly. "It's... It's really good to see you."

[redgreeed]

He pulls back, and reaches to tuck a strand of my hair back. It's as messy as it ever is, has been, since I became human, but I don't really mind when he looks at me like that.

Like I'm the the most precious thing in the world to him.

He's still so naive. So amazingly, wonderfully naive.

"I missed you."

...icon

[hinooo]

His voice is so soft. I touch his cheek. Not sure I'll be able to stop touching him.

"I missed you, too. Sit down. Chiyoko-san won't mind if I take some time with you." I steer him to a seat, and slide in beside him. "Did Date-san help? I talked to Shingo-san and he made some things clearer."

[:3]

[redgreeed]

I lean into his touch a little, eyes nearly closing for a moment. His hand, so warm, so safe. Even though it's not as all-encompassing as it used to be, in my fragmented memories of feelings from the time when I was broken.

I'm feeling especially fragile as we move to sit, even as he nestles in beside me.

"He did," I nod. "I'm still processing a lot of what he said, but he helped."

I look at him, blinking. "Shingo?"

Re: [:3]

[hinooo]

He looks ready to break. To sleep. To cry, and never stop.

But he still looks... better than he did, the last time I saw him.

"He's a smart guy," I say softly. "I'm glad you went to see him, Ankh."

Much smarter than I am. I couldn't help. ...But I can't do everything. There are some problems that I'm not the answer to, and... and that's okay.

Huh.

I nod. "Shingo-san's back." I pick up Ankh's hand and carefully lace my fingers through his, smiling at the feel of him. "And he was very kind to me. Listened to me worrying."

[redgreeed]

I give his hand a small squeeze, the shape of it feeling good and right against my own. Like it belongs there.

It's always belonged there.

I nod once at his comment on Date, not wanting to get into the specifics of what he and I discussed right here and now, not with so many people around. Not when I'm just seeing Eiji again.

I consider this for a moment, wondering how I feel about the man whose body I borrowed for almost a solid year. Maybe I'm not ready to think too hard about that just yet.

"Seems we both found kind people willing to listen."

And what does that say about us?

[hinooo]

I nod cheerfully, quickly. "We did. And we're lucky, Ankh. We're lucky to have people around us who understand us, who'll help even when we can't figure out how to reach each other."

I lean a little closer, and rest my head on his shoulder just for a moment. "I always want to reach you. Just for the record," I tell him softly, then I bounce up again. "I can have that engraved, witnessed in front of a judge, and then laminated so you can put it in your wallet, if you like."

I'm only mostly joking.

[New journal for him~]

[groundedbird]

His head doesn't rest on my shoulder nearly long enough, not even close to long enough, before he sits up straight again, bouncing a bit.

I watch him for a moment, only half hearing his ramble after he says he always wants to reach me.

"'I'm no longer the hand that you should be grasping."

Those words echo in my mind. The last I spoke as a Greeed. The last I spoke to Eiji before he found me lost and confused in a park. Recently revived and at a loss as to who I even was.

I still don't know who I am. I know who I was now. But not who I am. Not who I'm becoming.

The person I'm becoming scares me sometimes. The person I was scares me all the time.

"We need to talk." I say suddenly. Then 'tch' at myself. That was a very poor choice of words.

I shake my head to dismiss those words. "We need to talk to each other." I say, much more carefully, and with pointed emphasis.

Re: [New journal for him~]

[hinooo]

I nod, swallowing, staring at my hands. He's right. Of course we need to-

My head jerks around at his correction.

Oh.

"We don't always do that very well," I say softly. "We tell each other important things, hard things. But we..." I've been doing something thinking, but part of this is me figuring it out as I talk, watching his face for confirmation, "...we hide some things in case we hurt the other."

[groundedbird]

I watch his face as he speaks, as he sorts out his words even while speaking.

My Eiji.

Is he still my Eiji?

I let out a slow, even breath, trying to calm my thoughts a bit, trying to stay rational and... and centered.

"No," I say, surprised by how even my voice is. How calm my tone. "We don't do that very well."

How long it too me just to tell him I loved him. How serious the situation had to be, feeling his life bleed out in my hands, before I was able to tell him.

I don't want to lose him, but what if he... What if we realize we're not good for each other? What if we can't work through our issues together? What if our paths in life, the ones we each need to take, don't lead to the same place?

[hinooo]

......the look on his face. Sad, but so calm.

I've lost him.

I've lost him completely. I'll... I'll try to reconnect with him. I want to. I think he'll let me try.

But for now?

I've lost him.

"Come for a walk?" I ask softly.

[groundedbird]

I nod, and slide out of the booth we're seated in, waiting for him to do the same.

I almost asked if he was allowed to take off, since he seemed to be working when I got here. But I don't really care about his job, or the restaurant, or this damn party.

I care about him. I care about him and me.

I'm going to do everything I can to make sure we're both happy.

Taking his hand once he's standing, I lace our fingers, and move with him to the door.

[hinooo]

Chiyoko-san nods at me, making a shooing motion with both hands. I manage a weak smile back at her.

Ankh links our fingers, and we walk towards the door. The ground seems like it's shifting under me.

I'm going to try.

He just feels so far away.

[icon :( ]

[groundedbird]

I grab his jacket from the door, because it's winter, damn it, and he's not wearing nearly enough layers.

I realize, as I reach for mine, that I never took my own jacket off when I got here. I just sort of fell into Eiji.

We slip outside, out hands joining again once he's got his jacket sorted. I'm not sure if he had a specific place in mind, but we fall into step together just the same.

[I knowww :( ]

[hinooo]

He grabs my jacket for me, and I sling it on hurriedly, not wanting to lose contact with him for any longer than absolutely necessary.

I'm glad of it once we get outside.

I'm also glad of the warmth of his hand in mine.

We're heading towards the water. Not many people out. "I'm listening," I say softly. I mean it. I'll really try to listen, not just flinch and respond to the first sound of pain in his voice, not just try to comfort him instantly.

Listen, and hear.

[groundedbird]

He's listening, of course he's listening. He's always listening, but does he hear? Or is he as deaf as I am when it comes to properly understanding?

I'm quiet for a while, gathering my thoughts. Trying to decide on where to begin.

"What am I to you now?"

Might as well jump right in.

"And what are we to each other?"

[hinooo]

We stop near the water. The wind's ruffling my hair, his hair, the collar of his shirt.

"The person I want to be with, always and ever," I respond, not slowly, but not instantly, either. I don't want him to think that I'm not thinking about these answers, that I'm just trying to reassure him.

...ah, that one's harder. Defining things. Defining things from *his* perspective. I watch his face anxiously. I'm not going to try to make him happy with this, though I very much want him to be happy. I'm going to say what I think. What I feel. "I think naming it is difficult. What you... what you feel about me is up to you, and if you don't want to be with me..."

I swallow uncomfortably, painfully, around the lump in my throat. That's enough of that anyway, enough to show him that I'm aware of the possibility.

"Um. What we are is..."

...in the end, it's not that hard to define. What are we to each other? "In love," I finish softly.

[groundedbird]

"I do love you." I say, not quickly, not blurting it out like I'm trying to make the words fast and more real or something. But the way I said them in the hospital, the way I've thought them about him before and since.

"I just..." I sigh, and try to blow some hair out of my face. "I just don't know how to help you anymore. I don't know what I can do for you. I can't fight with you, not anymore. And maybe I shouldn't be defining myself by what we used to be. What I used to be. Maybe I shouldn't be defining you by what you used to be."