[Mushverse: for OOOs peoples mostly]

[catcameback]

I think I'm becoming more human.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Actually, I'm not even sure if that's possible.

Which is what has me sitting outside in my usual park, at the base of a tree instead of in it for once, turning my Switch over and over in my head, sometimes balancing it on it's point and seeing how long it can stand like that, and wondering...

It's been a while since I've used to last. Not since we found Joe.

I wonder if it's possible for it to stop working.

Comments

[keijisan]

"...mmm." When Ankh went... it was something he chose, and it was painful enough then. I can't imagine what it was like for any of the rest of them.

"I'm glad you're all here, and that you have a second chance," I tell him honestly, meeting his eyes again.

[catcameback]

I don't know all of what happened after I... was gone, and I never bothered to ask.

"You're a weird guy, not-Ankh." I offer my own honest opinion. I hold my arms out and Yummy purrs loudly right in his ear and then launches off his shoulder to land neatly in my arms. "I have an okay thing going. Parents and stuff."

[keijisan]

"Detective Izumi Shingo," I introduce myself, before my expression shifts, my eyes widening a little. "Parents, huh? ...that sounds nice."

[catcameback]

"Sorry." I smirk. "I just don't think it ever came up. Alright, Detective Izumi Shingo."

I shrug and look down. Yummy climbs up my arm to stretch across my shoulders. "Yeah. They're good people. Relatively normal humans."

[keijisan]

"Eiji-kun called me 'keiji-san' for nearly a year," I say dryly. "I don't take it personally."

But then he looks down and I watch his face, a strange knot settling just under my ribcage. "I'm glad for you. Truly. ...none of you had much of a chance at the lives you wanted the first time around. I really am happy that you're getting that chance now."

[catcameback]

I scoff at that, shaking my head and looking up at him curiously again.

"I'm not the same thing I was before, you know. What I wanted then, it's... It's not what I have now. It's different. I didn't know anything then. Neither did Ankh, you know, not really. None of us did. We just thought we did. Ankh thought he had a better idea, because he was clinging on you."

[keijisan]

"Oh, I know. You're all fully human now, with all the pain and passion that package entails. Ankh had me and he had a better idea of what he was lacking, but that didn't mean he could wrap his head around attaining it, even in a last, grand gesture." My left hand comes down to grip my right wrist--it's practically a tic, now, but this time I don't stop myself.

"But while Ankh had all of my memories... I had all of his, too. Still do. I know exactly how short-changed you all were and how angry it made me, to think about it. So, I'm glad. And I'm glad that you're learning, because that's a big part of what this whole 'living' mess is all about."

He hesitates, then shakes his head and goes on. "And I'm glad you value it. I already know you've got more than some humans have, right off the bat. I hope that makes up for some of it."

[catcameback]

"You really are weird, Detective Izumi Shingo." I shake my head at him and even chuckle a little. "You'll forgive me if I find it hard to believe you actually cared so much about any of us. Or maybe, I mean any of us but Ankh. Obviously you had some kind of attachment there..."

It's funny, though, because I know it wasn't Ankh and OOO who finished me off in the end. They didn't help, but I fell on my own sword, teaming up with that psycho Maki.

"It's kinda stupid sometimes." I admit. "Living, I mean. Feeling. Sometimes I wonder why I ever wanted it in the first place, but then, I figure I only ever wanted it because I didn't have it."

[keijisan]

"You can just call me Shingo. And, believe me, I wasn't painfully overly concerned at the time. I can afford this sort of reflection now that you're all able to do a lot less property damage," I say matter-of-factly.

"And, I'll tell you the same thing I told Mezool when I saw her--you get used to it, but I won't lie and tell you it ever gets easy. I will tell you that I think it's worth it, and that you have people who'll help you if you need it."

[catcameback]

I blink at him for that one, my hand sliding down to my pocket reflexively. I really gotta work on that tell, it freaked out that other Kamen Rider too, at the hospital.

I force a laugh and a snarky smirk. "Yeah, guess we've got no choice but to be on the good guys side this time."

I tilt my head curiously. "You saw Mezool, huh? How's she doing?"

[keijisan]

My whole body tenses electrically when his hand goes for his pocket, but he doesn't pull out a weapon and I just watch him narrowly for a long moment.

"I don't think you're obligated to be on any side," I say slowly, my brow furrowing. "Not really. You guys have enough to figure out without having to worry about fighting in the middle of it, and you're technically civilians now. I don't think anybody expects you to fight, and nobody will think less of you if you choose not to. If this is your chance at a normal life, I'd say take it."

"She seems all right. She has a place to stay, and everything--I tried to convince her to go to school, but I don't know if it stuck." I shake my head ruefully. "She's adjusting."

[catcameback]

"You'd be surprised." I shrug his advice off and spread my hands. "My parents are heroes. So's at least one of my brothers. I can't exactly sit by and try and... enjoy a normal life or whatever where there's so much stuff happening. Danger, I mean."

I smirk at the thought of Mezool in school. "I go to school sometimes. Less recently, but sometimes."

[keijisan]

"You told me they were 'relatively normal humans,'" I say, but I'm nodding my understanding.

"...it's hard, to feel like you can't do anything when people you care about are in danger."

[catcameback]

I blink. "Well, OOO, uh, Eiji, he's... relatively normal too, isn't he? They're still special. A lot of people in this town are... special, is all."

I run a hand through my hair and shrug. "I can do plenty. But I have to do it, that's all. To protect my pride. Um, family."

[keijisan]

I just stare at him for a moment. "...I think there are a lot of words I could use to describe Eiji-kun," I say slowly, "but 'normal' isn't really on the list, no."

"...what do you mean, you can do plenty? I thought you all came back as regular humans."

[catcameback]

I snort at that. True enough. "I mean, you know. Normal... Mortal? Not a monster? Try to do good things? That's normal for him, that's normal for my parents too. It's just how they are."

I hesitate at his question, then try and shrug it off without putting my hand near my pocket. "You're the last person that should be saying regular humans can't do anything to help."

[keijisan]

"Let me tell you, as someone who's tried it, I can't really in good conscience recommend being in a massive near-fatal auto accident, slipping into a compa, and then getting possessed by a bird for a year as a viable battle strategy," I tell him, my voice bone dry. "And, I already know you can do something dangerous that you don't want to talk about--you may as well tell me. If the fighting keeps up, I'm going to figure it out eventually anyway."

[catcameback]

"That wasn't exactly on my list of possible options." I frown at him. The idea of being possessed by Ankh makes me distinctly uncomfortable.

He would figure that out. This is my own fault. I scowl at him, and hiss a little. "I'm not about to tell a stranger."

[keijisan]

"It could have been worse, but not by a lot," I tell him cheerfully, then grin when he hisses.

"Fair enough. Good luck with whatever it is, though." My eyes sharpen, and I look hard at his face. "You do have a chance, here. It would break my heart to see you waste it."

[catcameback]

He thinks of me like a cat. A lot of people do. And I guess, in a lot of ways, I still am.

"What do you care about whether I waste something that's mine?" I snarl. "Besides, I'm doing fine. I'm doing the right thing, I'm using it to help."

[keijisan]

"Because I meant what I said, about thinking you deserve a chance at a regular life, one where you're whole and happy. Eiji-kun was helping, too, and it nearly swallowed him up." I shrug, looking more worried now. "Doing the right thing is important, but taking care of yourself is important too."

[catcameback]

"I have people to protect." I growl. "I'm not him, I'm not like him. I'm not fighting for some stupid idealized notion of the whole world, or... or whatever my arms can reach or whatever the hell he fights for... fought for. I have a family, and I'll do whatever I have to do to keep them safe."

[keijisan]

"...I understand," I say, my voice softening, and I can't help looking a little shaken, unnerved by the same intensity I'm so used to from the Greeeds turned to something unselfish.

"I do. I'd do anything to keep Hina safe, and if that's why you're fighting, then I can't argue. Just know you're not fighting alone."

[catcameback]

He seems freaked out. I frown, mostly at myself, and then gather Yummy off my shoulders. He makes a sleepy 'mrrp' sound that I interpret as 'what the fuck dad', but I shove him into the detective's arms anyway.

"That's why I'm on the good guys side this time. So I don't have to be alone anymore."

[keijisan]

I gather the cat into my arms, looking startled, but I rub gently behind its ears as I look at him, frowning a little.

"That's good to hear. ...and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," I offer, looking down at the cat shedding lazily on my shirt. "I'm still adjusting to everything being changed around, too--it's not as easy as I thought I might be. My intention wasn't to insult you, or what you're trying to do. It's just a lot to process."